Please try to think about others

Please try to think about others

Bunnie • Jan 26, 2020

Before you decide to argue about Forum topics... can you please take a moment. Take a breath and think to yourself... if I post this vitriolic response, there is a possibility the thread will be removed.

Meanwhile, somewhere out there, a new person to this lifestyle has a question. They come here. People like me say to them... “please go and read through the Forums... the history of this place resides there. There are questions of every sort... likely ones you yourself will have... and the beauty of those questions, and going back and reading those that have gathered dust here, is that there is *years of combined knowledge there*.”

Every time I see that a “controversial” topic has been removed, it breaks my heart. It’s not about not discussing difficult topics... it’s about learning to be ok with having differing opinions about things... and still respecting each other regardless. At least enough to be civil. It’s not about being the best or the most right or the most popular... it’s about sharing.

Sharing our collective knowledge and wisdom. Many people come here and see this place as a dating site. I often joke that it’s a playground. But what I truly believe it is... is a library.

Please stop graffiti-ing the books.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jan 26, 2020

Well said @Bunnie

I might also add that flare ups and flame wars affect everyone who reads the offending posts. Anyone who sees things get out of hand in a thread is a little less likely to step out into the limelight and ask a question - newbies especially. We want the newbies asking the questions, its good for them and its good for those of us already here.

Erick​(sub male) • Jan 27, 2020

I've only been here a few weeks, but already I have seen four or five entire threads deleted by The Cage administration for being too "controversial." Which--I agree with you, Bunnie--is a shame. Although I think the deletions have come because of the website's policies and because of the subject matter itself, and not because anyone was being ill-mannered.

Unfortunately, this sort of insidious, crypto-fascism is nowadays increasingly happening all across our internet culture. There is a frightening amount of outright intolerance for any form of unorthodoxy, no matter what subject is being discussed. And oddly enough, the self-righteousness and intolerance are mostly coming from younger people, and from the political Left--two groups which, historically, have always been the main bastions of free-thinking.

I've been spoken to harshly several times on this site, which I don't mind terribly, because I'm a big boy. (Mostly.) And I hope that I have not been unduly harsh with others here. But, you know, it really IS difficult to publicly and substantially disagree with someone without potentially causing some bruised feelings. Or at least ruffled feathers. Not impossible. But very difficult.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jan 27, 2020

The internet has created this phenomenon of anonymity and keyboard warriors. people often say things on the internet they’d never say to someone’s face even if they disagreed with them.

We forget that there is (usually) another person on the other side of the screen. I’m not saying it was perfect pre-internet but it’s seems to have gotten worse because now you can be rude and “say what you want” with no consequences In the sense that you don’t see how your words have affected the other person.

So now if you don’t agree with someone on a topic, rather than being civilised and creating a dialogue and discussion people turn petty and argumentative because they think if they’re “louder” it makes their point more valid 🙄

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Jan 27, 2020

i love your pst Bunny. Kindness. No matter the point of view, you can choose to respond from a place of kindness. We do not need to agree, but we also do not need to be mean.

Lets practice empthay...

Villanelle​(staff) • Jan 27, 2020

We make every effort to ensure that moderation of the Discussion Forum (and the site in general) is as dispassionate as possible. The most common reason threads are removed are simply that the forum is not the right place for them, i.e. personal ads, fiction, or other writings that are not discussion topics per se but better suited to the blogs. A thread is also removed when obvious rule violations occur or when content is posted that could put the community as a whole in a difficult situation, legal or otherwise. We prefer not to remove threads entirely if possible, choosing instead to remove comments that are abusive or otherwise outside of our rules.

If you've seen a thread removed and are curious as to why, feel free to message me. I do the vast majority of the forum moderation or can help find out why if I didn't make the moderation call. Usually it's pretty obvious but I appreciate that might not always be the case.

To everyone who puts the time and effort in to sharing their thoughts and opinions, thank you! I appreciate that often the desire to share opinions and information is not out of self interest but rather to support the community, particularly those new to BDSM. This generosity of spirit, which I often see in the forums, blogs, and comments, is the very best thing about The CAGE community.

Oh and in an demonstration of fairness and self control, I've not deleted some of the terrible joke threads! I know, funny is subjective

Lossofalme • Jan 27, 2020

I'd also like to thank Villanelle and all the moderators/staff... It's a LOT of work to keep an internet forum running smoothly, even when the topics on the table have little potential for disagreement. In a forum where those topics are practically certain to generate passionate discussion? Yoicks!

It may not be stated frequently, but I'm sure I'm not the only person here who greatly appreciates your time and effort!