"Some day your Prince(ss) will come...."

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Jun 22, 2020

@tallslenderguy....ok, you asked... He and I now believe in past lives, where we really weren't sure before we started to talk. Within a couple of days of first talking we started having "visions" ( I don't know how else to explain it) of our past lives together. Varying times. We believe somehow a higher power puts us together again and again through the ages. No other explanation that we can think of.

And, yes, we do have to work at our relationship. Though perhaps less than others do. We are pretty good at knowing instantly if there is an issue with the other. Doesn't hurt that my face is an open book and I take most everything literally. We never go to sleep upset.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 22, 2020

Wow!! Thank you so much for sharing this. Another "explanation" may be the belief that some hold that with reincarnation we choose the vessels that will hold our spirit in order to have particular experiences?

i came from a background (a cult really) that ended up using and abusing my desire/inclination to believe in ethereal kinds of things. The result was i took a step back from defined beliefs into a place where honestly admit "i don't know." It's a good place for me, because it's a place of eyes and ears wide open. When i knew, i was sort of sightless to anything other than what i thought i already knew. Leaving that cult cost me everything. Kids and former wife disowned me, former wife got everything material that i'd spent a lifetime building. i say that not to complain, just for perspective. It burned the lesson of honesty and being real all the way through me, a price i consider worth it.

The other side of this coin is, everything the 'spiritual' people in my life predicted about me has not happened. my major sense of 'the other' comes from how things have gone in my life as a result of being real and honest, and wanting to see what is. i cannot get away from the feeling that i am being aided in life. Carlos Castaneda described a conversation with his mentor when discussing seeing the (for lack of a better word) spiritual side of life. His mentor, Don Juan, explained (paraphrasing) that the spiritual realm cannot be seen directly, but can only be glimpsed peripherally. If you try to look directly at it, it disappears. This so resonates with my experience of 'the spiritual.' so i pray to my ceiling fan.

Thank you again for your openness. i count it a wonderful and generous gift.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Jun 23, 2020

As mentioned (and may seem a tad contradictory) the compatibility with another can work like a "hook" to a degree. Helping bring people together. But, in a way. Think about it?
The first hurdle of any relationship is getting to know the other person. You dedicate time and effort to learn of them, their interests, their dislikes. It's still a bit of work. Small-talk can be grinding and take loads of effort.

For the initial start?
I saw someone mentioned it earlier and it rings true for me as well. I'm attracted to that persons mind. How they think, what facets their personality has. Even their flaws sometimes. Are they funny and have high intrapersonal skills? Are they easy to talk to? Maybe they're calculating and stoic?

Honestly, with my current Master - I broke past my usual tendencies. I usually go for the charismatic, funny, class-clown type of personality. Master is relatively stoic, calculating, and a very deep thinker. Something way outside of my usual, but it's been going very very well!
I feel keeping myself free of that mentality of "I Gotta be with THE ONE for me!" kind of helps people to try newer things they usually wouldn't and break past their normal "go to's."

Thank you for this really good discussion post! It's been a hot minute since I've really discussed any topics here on The Cage.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jun 23, 2020

A man (or woman) has to know their limitations . . . Or perhaps, a person simply knows themselves. Some individuals who get involved in “any” relationship tend to actually have unrealistic expectations of themselves and the potential “soul” mates. How many movie tropes are about the “best friend” right under the protagonist’s nose who goes unseen until the end of the movie? How many individuals have a narrow tunnel vision and the potential “perfect” solution is literally just outside their initial vision or scope. If they opened their scope of vision, they might bump into the perfect solution.

I joined the Cage and almost immediately met some individuals who are PHENOMENAL and I am lucky to consider them friends. I’m evolving and have GREAT hope for my future, both immediate and far looking. I have seen a good number of individuals hook up (collar), announce their forever love, and within weeks or months are separated, sometimes in an awkward display. I think on the surface they matched, but didn’t take the time to really get to know one another to determine if it would last. Others are friends and chat for weeks or months before they evolve into something more lasting. Sometimes the perfect soul mate evolves as you get to know one another - sometimes its a bolt of lightning from the beginning and you develop that unique relationship that lasts forever.

Just my thoughts.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 23, 2020

@LL: "Sometimes the perfect soul mate evolves as you get to know one another - sometimes its a bolt of lightning from the beginning and you develop that unique relationship that lasts forever."

I agree. We have all come here for different reasons and sometimes, we come and change into a better person simply because of the support we receive and the friends we make. We grow and then doors that were previously closed, open wide.

The problem is recognising those doors when they do and taking that step through them.

HisHunnyBun​(sub female){Taken} • Jun 23, 2020

I do believe in soul mates.
I also believe I've met mine.
If I didn't stop looking at profiles that fit my preferences...I wouldn't have met him.
How to describe what I felt?
That's hard to put into words...
We just clicked
He's always on my mind..
Ecstasy from a simple message..
Butterflies just by staring at his picture...

That's what I feel..

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 24, 2020

Thank you for contributing. i cannot personally give or find and absolute, or black and white answer to the question (i tend to shy away from anyone absolutist). i appreciate all the people who share their views and experience. Which is not to say i don't have thoughts and feelings that go by and share, i just don't know them as absolute fact. I.e., i take peoples stated experience at face value, but i don't take a persons, or even a groups experiences as a universal fact. i see belief as one thing, fact as another.

It seems to me that compatibility can go beyond being a "hook?" To me the challenge is there is probably no such thing as 100% compatibility in human relationship and where there is incompatibility is where "work" can help? i see compatibility as important to the longevity of a relationship. E.g., Putting two Doms or two subs together in a romantic relationship seems hard to sustain if it's important enough to one or the other that they have their opposite for connection and fulfillment? Of course, there are all sorts of arrangements, like "open relationships." i know two Dom guys who have been married over 25 years, so that can throw all sorts of monkey wrenches in notions of compatibility lol.

i'm a gay bottom/sub guy who stayed married to a seemingly sub woman for 30 years (i had religious beliefs that kept me from self acceptance for a long time). i did/do love this woman (divorced 10 years), but we were not compatible and being together caused us both harm, despite the love. That obviously colors my point of view. We thought we were soul mates, that "God" had brought us together. i stood up in church at age 19 and "confessed" my attraction to guys, my wife to be was there. We were all a part of a belief system that simply didn't believe there was such a thing as "gay," that it just meant i had been "broken." i believed that and spend most of my life 'working' against a big part of who i am, trying to make a relationship work. To be honest, it was torture ( not the good kind... or it may just be because i am not masochist lol).

It took me a long time to realize that some things (apparently) do not change, so compatibility becomes a seemingly vital component. Which is not to discount hard work, but to me there seems to be a balance point?

It's not like the stories

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • Jun 24, 2020

I don't think that there is just one person out there for everyone; I believe that there are personalities that mesh well and that it then becomes a choice we make to nurture that relationship when we are ready to take that step. Sometimes we just miss our chance, other times we lose our groove and can't seem to get it back, and then again, there are times when we know that person is all wrong for us but we jump in... consequences be damned. We might be attracted to several people and have to make a choice. We could not be attracted to someone, but through getting to know them, one day wake up to find they are exactly what we need and want... There is no magic formula or script...life is not like the romance novels or RomComs we've grown up with.

Life is what we make it. Just run the race you've been given and then look to see who is running beside you. When I was younger I would try to run with someone ahead of me or someone behind me. That never worked out. Almost a month ago I looked over to see who was running beside me, and he is still there.