Discouraged

Discouraged

V V V​(sub female) • Jul 28, 2020

Am I the only person that reads other people’s posts and blogs and thinks is it really worth trying to find a relationship on a dating app? I read so many horror stories. It’s no wonder I shy away from these sites. It makes me want to stay single.☹️

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Jul 28, 2020

I have been on many of them over the years kink and vanilla
The idea of truth and honesty is a rare commodity with most of them !

heartbrokengirl​(sub female) • Jul 28, 2020

I think it is just like dating the normal way. I have talked to and went on dates with people outside of meeting online and they are not honest or I don't feel a connection with them.

I have also communicated with a lot of potential Doms on here before meeting my Daddy and none of them were the right fit. It was discouraging but any good thing takes time.

Online first does have some advantages. I think it give you the opportunity to see how they would treat you in person, you can also form a genuine connection before things become physical or sexual.
But it takes a lot of talking and weeding out to get to that point too.

I met my Daddy on here, we are coming up on a year of us together. First just talking and getting to know each other then we met in person 3 months later.

ArtfulDodger​(sub female){collared} • Jul 28, 2020

I met my Dom/life partner that way. It took a long time, but we ultimately found each other. You just have to be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince!

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2020

You have to dig through significant amounts of dirt to find a diamond. Yes the search sucks and the odds are against you, still the payoff of finding a good partner(s) is worth it.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jul 29, 2020

Ok just my two cents..... 1. As far as the cage goes I have never thought of it as a dating site. It has always been the place two go and gather info from other like minded ppl, while yesi met my Dom / Daddy/ Master/Every thing else under the sun to me here. It wasnt about trying to hook up at all. We worked at growing a friendship just like you would work on growing one with anyone else. It just happens that it grew into more than that in our case.

2. I cant speak for vanilla sites ( such as matchor any other. As I never was on one.

3. My thoughts are we as ppl should always be working on our self's. Growing ,loving, and learning how to accept who and what we are and what we want first. Then look for the match that works best for you and will helpyou continue the growth and everything else. It does not matter if it's a "just friend" or more.

It takes time to find a love no matter where you look. Things have a way of happening when u least expect it

Re: Discouraged

DesertLizard​(sub female) • Jul 29, 2020

In hopes of giving you some hope, I'll let you know that I found my last two partners on dating apps (OkCupid and then Tinder). Yes, we eventually separated for various reasons, but I don't regret those relationships at all; they were both great guys. I have also read and heard about crazy horror stories about dating apps, but somehow those have never happened to me. Perhaps it depends on how you vet potential matches. I always chat with a match for several days before meeting in person to feel them out. If they seem creepy, are rude, or the like, I block them. Those that I have met in person always looked like in their pictures and were always polite. But I could of course simply have been lucky (or maybe my profile somehow tends to scare off all the creeps, who knows).

LordofPain56 • Jul 29, 2020

I have been reading profiles on kink sites since the 1990's and have contacted probably fewer than one could count on one hand in all that time, and never met any of them in person. Had better luck with locals IRL.
You will find that there are many reasons why you wouldn't contact or reply to some ones interest;
Not enough info on their profile (they seem too cagey, like they are trying to hide a lot)
Too much info on their profile and it made it easy to pick one thing you didn't like over all the things you did like, so you blew it off.
You couldn't get an idea of how that person would interact with you on a daily basis based upon the info you had.
No picture in profile and no physical description, so you couldn't even get an idea what they looked like.
Person who showed interest was too far away and you had a full-time job you didn't want to give up to relocate and/or your relatives are all in your town and you didn't want to move far away from them.
Not the right type of Dom that matches with the type sub you are. ie: Daddy's and masochists probably not a good fit.
If you're smart, you start asking normal questions like: do you live in a safe neighborhood? are you having financial difficulties? How many kids do you already have and how many days a week do I need to take care of them? etc, etc, and you don't like some of the answers you are getting, so you just drop it.
Hey, I don't blame ya. But that doesn't mean ya give up altogether. Look how long I been waiting!

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jul 29, 2020

I’ve been on that swing for a loooooong time! One minute ready to give up and another thinking let’s keep trying.

I don’t see The Cage as a dating site but a place where you do happen to connect. I say do what feels best for you but I would keep an open mind and not just write someone off just because it’s online. Unfortunately part of trying to find someone means bumps along the road.

You're right...

NeverEverBeForgotten​(sub female) • Jul 29, 2020

It's most certainly not easy to find a good connection on here or any dating site. It's even harder when you're looking for a BDSM style relationship as opposed to a vanilla relationship because this kind requires 100% trust and can even require that before someone is willing to do any kind of meetup.

But don't give up hope. I found my own Dom on The Cage and I have never, not even for a moment, had any regrets. The right person for you is out there. It just make take some time.

When you find the person that ends up being right for you, it may even surprise you. So don't write anyone off too soon. Both of us, for example, never thought about doing poly really but are now slowly searching for a second sub for my Master. And that is something I never imagined I would be okay with.