Inexperienced sub looking for advice

Inexperienced sub looking for advice

GagFan​(sub male) • Sep 23, 2020

I am a young submissive guy who wants to submit to another man, and I would like to get some advice from more experienced Dom's or subs. I'm mostly interested in learning what is expected of a submissive and how to submit properly.

GentleDomforyou • Sep 24, 2020

It’s simple. It’s just like dancing. He leads and you follow. If you step on his toes, that’s on him not you. He is supposed to figure out how to get you there. You job is as simple as doing what feels right.

Re: Inexperienced sub looking for advice

realfreakydad​(dom male){NO} • Oct 18, 2020

once you submit to your dom you are his and must be honest obedient and loyal you have given up your right and must never question you dom or bull or you will be severely punished for it! are you will to do everything you dom tell you to do? if not you better no be his sub!

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 18, 2020

"once you submit to your dom you are his and must be honest obedient and loyal you have given up your right and must never question you dom or bull or you will be severely punished for it! are you will to do everything you dom tell you to do? if not you better no be his sub"!

It must be nice when your worldview is so simple. The dynamics between the Dom and the sub varies greatly and at the end of the day it is what works between those two (and/or all the parities involved, if they are in an open/poly relationship). Not all subs, in fact most do not, give up their rights - that's more of a Master/slave dynamic. Some brat-tamer-Doms absolutely love being questioned. From someone with masochistic tendencies and craves pain, sometimes the worst punishment is "no punishment".

There is no one-size-fit-all approach.

DrWakko • Oct 18, 2020

Gay male Bdsm energy is very different than straight or lesbian Bdsm energy. I suggest going to your local leather bar and asking the bartender that you are interested in Bdsm. He will either direct you to someone or have someone come up and talk to you.

Remember a kink relationship starts with a strong vanilla foundation.

DW

realfreakydad​(dom male){NO} • Oct 18, 2020

any other questions?

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2020

^^^ AGREED. I’ve been in a D/s dynamic for years & this is absolutely NOT what my Sir expects of me. These are absolutely NOT standard-issue rules & if a Dom immediately makes demands like these, ESPECIALLY knowing you are inexperienced, GTFO, that’s a whole box of red flags.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 18, 2020

Honestly, it's not even a slave thing. In a consentual M/s, the basic rights given on the basis on humanity don't go away. It's still about mutual pleasure and desire, but there's simply more of a desire to yield preference to a trusted person. I don't know anyone in a physical dynamic who doesn't see themselves as humans or doesn't still have preferences.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 18, 2020

i believe anyone , on either side of the D/s dynamic, needs to learn who they are and be true to their self. The second thing, i think, is one has to learn how to be open and communicate who you are and what you need/want (on both sides of the dynamic). Openness is vulnerability, to me it is a gauge of maturity and seriousness. Someone who wants to Dom or sub instantly is likely running on hormones... which are not bad things, but a relationship needs a wee bit more to sustain it.

i love what DrWakko proffers: "...a kink relationship starts with a strong vanilla foundation." i think there is a lot of truth in that, you have to eat and watch t.v. too.

To me, there is often this frenzied approach to D/s like we have to always lead with our highest cards, but that is not always a winning strategy. i think honest openness with oneself and the desired other, the nakedness of that, reveals a great deal. If the person responds in kind, i think there is a lot of potential, but it takes two to make a relationship. i don't think any of this is possible without step A, self knowledge. One cannot disclose what they do not know or are unaware of. And that's not a static position, it's an ongoing process. Add a new person (Dom or sub) and suddenly there is someone there reflecting you and the opportunity for self knowledge becomes endless i think... but a lot of people give out when they see how much work it is.

Re: Inexperienced sub looking for advice

GagFan​(sub male) • Oct 20, 2020

It sounds like your advocating for a submissive to never question or disagree with their dominant and essentially give up having a mind of their own.