Age Gap

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Sep 26, 2020

This has always been a struggle for me. Like a lot here, I was never into the partying. I was also in a 12 year relationship from the age of 15. It was vanilla, a little abusive, it is in the past. But since then, I have been with older and younger men. I instinctively gravitate to older. My old soul just calls for them.

The dilemma is, my younger body needs the highly sexual part of BDSM. It is mandatory and I wont pretend that it is not a very important part of the lifestyle for me. I do worry about the 1t years from now. I know I am capable of 15+ years of commitment to a Sir, but it is always on my mind if they will be able to keep up with me then.

I hope that doesn't sound harsh, as I know a lot can, it just worries me these days, since I am already 34, so older for me, would be 45+ I am just taking it one day at a time. The more important thing I have come to realize is people are all human. I have met 60 year olds with the same personalities as 30 year olds. They sometimes don't stray too far from who they have always been.

As a final note, anything is possible with transparency. I personally would have a conversation with an older man about how to keep the sexuality alive. But a lot of those conversations are taboo in a relationshop and cause tension, even in BDSM.

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • Sep 26, 2020

I'm not your target audience. I've lived the 12 year age difference. I also have a relative who had a 15 yr difference. I don't recommend it. I won't do it again. But that's for me. It's my past, my experience. It's nothing to do with kink.
Everyone has to live for themselves.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Sep 26, 2020

I am 51. I have realized that I no longer connect with people who are in their 30s, or younger.

DeathRyder​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2020

I have found myself in the same boat, was married for 40 yrs. Now I'm 66 and looking. Mostly women from 35 to 41 are dating me. Not complaining but they're all VANILLA say younger men are just not loyal or have any sense of responsibility. I gond that interesting and they are quite a bit of fun ... but conversations are quite clumsy at the best.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • Sep 27, 2020

I am 39 ... currently with someone who is 47, but I have also been with someone who was in their late 50's, older than my father lol.

Age, looks, other superficial things aren't what is important if what you are truly seeking is a long-term relationship and emotional connection with someone. What is important is who they are, how they fit with who you are, how they treat you, and how they make you feel.

That covers starting out with someone who is older than you. As for once you are with them, and the years begin to pass, things can and do happen to people of all ages that would put them in mental or physical situations that aren't what their partner necessarily signed up for ... injuries, accidents, illnesses, mental health struggles or PTSD.

If the relationship and emotional connection is strong, you work through that stuff. You rise above it. You adjust and evolve. And if you do it right, you grow closer because of it.

I know I'm probably a bit older than who your question was directed at, but I think all of the above still applies and I hope it is helpful 😊

Hi. Love to talk more with you. I be cool All you said.

shamrock domanant • Sep 27, 2020

hopefulbabygirl​(sub female) • Sep 27, 2020

I think it just depends on the person. I’ve always dated someone who was older than me. I never went through that stage of partying and drinking and drugs and I still have absolutely zero desire to do so.

Me personally, I find immaturity tiresome. I’m not talking about being silly or goofy but the whole “I’m young and I can be crazy and be irresponsible” type of immaturity. I think that’s why draws me to older men. I find their experience, established life, calmer behavior and confidence a huge draw.

Your concern about aging to your 80s and if you want long term your sub would be around 30-40s is valid for sure. My mom is 55 and my step dad is 70 and they are happy as can be. My stepdad is very active though and stays in shape as much as possible. I would just always try to take care of myself physically as much as possible as that may help you with your worries.

Me personally, I would try to not limit myself to a specific age group regardless. I have to remind myself of this too especially when someone younger than me contacts me lol

Wow did I ramble a lot, sorry!!

AllOfMe​(sub female) • Sep 27, 2020

I have always dated older men I was 15 he was 22 .I was mature for my age at that time not to mention my Dad didn't find out till later lol almost wanted to kill him but me being 15 I thought I was in love (ofcourse I wasn't ) anyway I guess you learn from your past .....as I got older it hasn't changed much .when I was 25 he was almost 35 ..thru the years it was on and off vanilla more then not ..it depends on the person or the pair what kind of connection ,attraction , bond you two build in any age group I would say ,trust respect, communication ,and loyalty at any age is key , some have them some not

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 28, 2020

Here's what I do. I stick up the middle finger to judgement and talk about my interests anyway. In ALL things. By this I mean I talk about the taboo on a daily bases and if someone has an issue with it it's THEIR issue. Because, frankly, I simply refuse to allow someones fear and discomfort to put me off from being upfront and make me feel like I have to "hide myself".

Turns out a LOT of people (many younger as well) are pretty damn open minded. But of course we live in a world full of assumptions, anxiety and irrational fears without context taken into consideration. Excuse me while I find a wall to apply my head against.

By this logic people that refuse to even CONSIDER talking about a topic they don't like (which is most likely down to "fear itself") are normally CLOSE minded. And haven't even experienced, let alone thought properly about the context of what they judge/fear. I challenge people. Yea, you heard me. I said that. I'm saying too many people prioritise their own comfort as if it's an excuse to not think. I don't judge 9/10 times, but this is "judgement itself". The lack of thinking that happens from "fear". It sucks when they're not even offering any kind of counter argument (can they even defend their claims?) But it's awesome when someone not only admits they're afraid of something they don't have experience with but then actually gets involved.

Sometimes talking about said context gets people more open minded. And sometimes they refuse to consider any other viewpoint then their own. It's been a while since I reminded myself of "fucking judgement" again. But I'm honestly happier for it. I'm upfront, honest and as you see me. Don't like it? Not forcing you to be around me. Don't like seeing it? Well tough tits, maybe I don't like how I have to see "normal" things. But we BOTH have to deal with it. Just let people be happy and do what pleases them without the "Avoid like they're a monster" treatment. That's honestly really all I can say on the matter.

I don't mind if someone is younger PROVIDED they show "control". I will mind someone older if they clearly can't control their anger or/and fear. It's personality that wins out.

TotalTrouble{Taken} • Sep 28, 2020

Absolutely, Yes!!! With women we tend to be more emotionally connected. If you choose wisely. Never stop showing your woman you care. It’s a mindset. Give all to her, she will give all she is Back.