when dominant men ONLY want 'inexperienced' subs

when dominant men ONLY want 'inexperienced' subs

BabygirlTaz​(sub female) • Sep 28, 2020

Take this as a red flag of the highest kind and RUN! If a dom doesn't MIND you being inexperienced is one thing but if they are searching specifically for someone much younger than them (10 years or more) or under mid 20's exclusively - they probably have the intention of using your innocence about the lifestyle against you!

I came by this knowledge by personal experience.............PLEASE don't discount................

DD/bg men often have a built in excuse for this kind of demand for their subs but the red flags apply as much if not more.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Sep 28, 2020

Thank you for posting this. It is a HUGE red flag indeed. The types who only want inexperienced subs only want to manipulate and use to their advantage. The ones who have been in the lifestyle know how things should be and they don't want someone who understands that because they will speak up!

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Sep 28, 2020

I am 51. At this stage in my life, inexperienced subs are a waste of my time. Most of them are not subs at all. They just read a book and like the label, as they believe that it will get them attention. Some of them are not like that, and are truly submissive, but even those lack basic D/s knowledge.

It would be like explaining to the new kid in the office how to do his job. It's better that (s)he learns from his/her manager, who is only slightly older. Been there, done that, and paid my dues. Now I would like to deal with mature, experienced subs only.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Sep 30, 2020

I also consider it a red flag when a Dom says "I have xx years of experience" as their highlight for a few reasons:

1) A LOT of things have changed in the last 20, even 10 years! Consent is a thing now. You need to be adaptable. People can Choose now.. even women. (what?!)

2) Every Submissive is different. Just with the array of versatility in BDSM, you having experience with *all the people* means nothing to how we will be compatible. Stop coming into my DM's telling me how amazing we will be together. You don't know.

It is all about the fundamentals... and you don't need 10 years experience to learn, you need to be open minded, adaptable and know communication, SSC and be willing to listen and express yourself properly. These are core values, sometimes they take a lifetime... sometimes you figure it out, but it is not a value based on years.

Comparison: I was in a relationship for 12 years... so it took me 12 years to learn how to be miserable. It took me 2 years to learn how to be happy once I was out.

Good Luck everyone!! XoXo

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Sep 30, 2020

"Consent is a thing now."

Consent was always a thing.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Sep 30, 2020

I know. I was going for shock value... Consent is not a thing now in some circles. Just like rape. It still happens.

EvelynNyte​(switch trans woman) • Sep 30, 2020

Ever see the movie "Goldfinger" where James Bond rapes a lesbian till she's straight? Consent might always have been a thing but attitudes around it have definitely changed.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Sep 30, 2020

To equate D/s with rape is a little silly.

Bunnie • Sep 30, 2020

This is an interesting topic. One I think that may have more depth to it than at first it may seem.

I understand the context of this is based around those seeking people who don’t know any different, because they have no level of comparison to what constitutes honourable behaviour in this lifestyle... so they can be taken advantage of. That definitely happens a lot.

A few other possible factors came to mind for me when reading this thread. I have encountered many, many Dominants in-person who’s “thing” is “firsts.” They are addicted to being the one to see a submissives face light up... or being the one who gains their trust... or being a guiding hand, when experiencing something for the first time. In this context of course, I’m speaking in solely a play aspect, and isn’t necessarily harmful behaviour if the intent behind it is coming from a place of goodness.
I think there are some who are attracted to the endearing naivety of inexperienced people (in anything) because really, it is a beautiful thing... and I believe that not everyone wants to take advantage of that... there are some who simply treasure that and want to nurture it for themselves.

Within the context of this community, we see the common theme of broken hearted submissives rotating here. I don’t mean this without sympathy... I have been one... however, that would be pretty exhausting trying to have as a beginning foundation. Some are up to the task. Perhaps some simply are not... and that’s ok.
Then there’s also the potential negative flip side of someone who calls themselves an experienced submissive, possibly being inflexible and stuck in believing that the way they were initially “trained” is the way submission *is*... regardless of who they’re trying to align with. That can be potentially more problematic than a newbie, and a very difficult area to navigate for a new Dominant... we also see that here a lot.

I’m not writing all of this to disagree. I think you bring up a very valid point of something to be wary of. I guess I’ve never thought it to be odd... a bit romanticised, yes... however, I simply figured that everyone likes what they like, and who am I to say otherwise, just because I don’t match their preferences.

Like everything that makes this lifestyle difficult to navigate, it’s impossible to lump everything with one reason. I think it takes looking at the whole context of someone’s behaviour to have an understanding of what their intentions are, and it can be a slippery slope of confusion if we try to pinpoint specifics.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Sep 30, 2020

"Then there’s also the potential negative flip side of someone who calls themselves an experienced submissive, possibly being inflexible and stuck in believing that the way they were initially “trained” is the way submission *is*... regardless of who they’re trying to align with. That can be potentially more problematic than a newbie, and a very difficult area to navigate for a new Dominant... we also see that here a lot."

I think the solution is that new subs play with new doms, and experienced subs play with experienced doms. At least that works for me.