Places to educate a new dom

Places to educate a new dom

Rell88bk​(dom male) • Mar 27, 2018

Hi everyone, I'm a new dom looking to learn the different types of dom's. I've been reading a lot of blogs and forums on here. But, mostly everything is geared towards the health and helpful teachings ( or care if you would ) of a submissive. How do you know your a dominant/master? What if your a combination of different types of dominance? What are some general rules that can be easily adopted or used for a beginner? Is going to munchers or bdsm events more beneficial as "hands on" or is trying understand who/what makes you happy first more beneficial? Are there any places where a newbie dominant/ master can learn more?

Villanelle​(staff) • Mar 27, 2018

Hey Rell! Great to have you here and thanks for your post. I'm sure others in our community will chime in with some great advice. In the meantime, I recommend you check our our "Let's Get You Started" article which includes links to some of our favourite websites and authors. You can find it here:

https://thecage.co/magazine,1.html

I'll also suggest that first and foremost you do what feels good and right for you and your partner. There are many different takes on how to practice BDSM but at the end of the day, these are simply people's opinions. The obvious exception is in regards to health and safety, both mental and physical. It's always important to listen to health professionals and those with verified experience. Again, you'll find links to much of that in the above article.

Have fun!

MsNevermore​(other female) • Mar 27, 2018

Going to second what Evangeline stated. Also thank you, as a submissive for your willingness and openness to figuring out the who and what of you. Yes, its that rare and should be encouraged more to those on the top/Dom side of what we do.
As to going out into your local community, I do encourage it at your comfort level. Meeting others and discussing topics or questions you have. Everyone of us has been exactly where you are and it was by the willingness of those before us to share that we found our way.

MsNevermore​(other female) • Mar 27, 2018

One more note: after reading your profile, be sure if you do take on someone who is also new that you both are on the same page and understanding. Look up negotiations, communication and consent. Those topics, imho, are paramount in being mastered before all else.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Mar 27, 2018

Highly recommend The Heart of Dominance ( https://www.amazon.ca/Heart-Dominance-practicing-consensual-dominance-ebook/dp/B01F8C7L2Y ) as a good resource. A good read that explores the mental side of things a lot more than some. If you want more of a 'hands on' guide, I'd suggest SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. ( https://www.amazon.ca/101-Realistic-Introduction-Jay-Wiseman/dp/0963976389 )

As for your other questions in order:

How do you know you're a Dom? You don't. You're falling into the newbie trap where you feel like you need a label. You don't. Don't silo yourself; read about other people's thoughts and experiences, pay attention to the ones that really resonate with you (the ones where you say to yourself "Are you reading my mind? Because that's ME!!) Once you know a bit more about yourself and the scene, you'll be more comfortable with labels.

What if you're a combination of types? Most are. No worries there. Again, don't kill yourself trying to fit into someone else's ideal. Figure out you, what you like and need, go from there. D/s is still a relationship at the end of the day, and the skills for finding and managing good relationships are the same in vanilla and BDSM. People>kink, relationship>roles.

General rules? Nope. Not at this stage. You're still learning. Understand SSC and RACK (they're acronyms, I'll let you do the research).

Munches or BDSM events? Hells yes. Your best and safest options if available. Mouth shut, ears and eyes open, be polite. Having said that, stupid questions and new folks are usually very welcome at most events. If you can find someone who's familiar with your local scene to go with you to an event, it'll be easier for you.

Hands on? Not yet. You're still learning. If you do go to an event with someone experienced and are supervised, that might be an option.

Any places to learn more? Many. You've found one of them, but that search should be constant and ongoing. If you think you know it all, you've stopped learning. Don't do that.