Training a sub free or paid?

Training a sub free or paid?

POC​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2020

Hi all,

This is predominantly aimed at Female Dommes but please anyone with an opinion weigh in - I am genuinely curious as to your thoughts. I had a chat today with a Domme about becoming her slave and once we agreed we both wanted to do it she asked me to send here £150 so you she could upload the online training videos for me to watch. Now to be clear this Domme was in a different continent to me so online was the only way to go but my question that I’ll get to in a minute is related to both online AND in person training. I explained that I was a student and I had no source of income. As a student, I am living on a very tight budget that is designed to get me through each week for food and other essentials. I went on to say that while I was interested and committed to becoming a slave and I did want to train I didn’t have the money to effectively purchase these videos and asked if there was a way to do it for free. She responded by saying “no the training videos are paid, they are not free.” After a bit of back and forth she stated that she didn’t believe I was ready and that I should not be a slave. She went on to say that what I was looking for didn’t exist and because I was new to the world and inexperienced I wouldn’t realise this. I countered with the fact that the only way to gain experience was - at this moment - for her to train me but she refused to do so without me paying £150 for her online training videos.

Now my question is this, is she right (and therefore am I wrong) that a Domme charges money to train or educate subs/slaves in the BDSM lifestyle and therefore that Dommes will not train a sub/slave for free? If so, that feels wrong to me; it feels like it should be free because essentially a BDSM relationship is just a relationship with specific aspects and you don’t pay for a vanilla relationship so why should you pay for a kink or BDSM relationship?

So what do you think - should a Domme charge to train a new submissive/slave? Please reply with your answers I am very interested.

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 30, 2020

Is she a pro Domme? There are Domme who charge an arm and a leg for sessions and many of them are perfectly legit. On the other hand, if you are looking for a "dating type" relationship, then it seems suspicious that she asked for money. There is no right or wrong answer whether a Domme should charge a sub or not because you are confusing a business relationship vs. a personal relationship.

Having said that, this website does not allow that kind of transaction. If someone here is asking for money, please report her.

POC​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2020

She never disclosed she was a prom Domme, I however didn’t ask so I truthfully don’t know. I am aware of Findom relationships but this wasn’t stated to e one of those.

I was thinking about reporting her but she don’t ask me for money on this platform and so I thought I should let it go, maybe if an experienced sub who already has training applied to be her slave she wouldn’t charge.

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 30, 2020

You could find online videos for a lot less, or even free. A while ago another male sub was being asked by a Domme to send some US$800 to buy "toys". Just be careful, trust your gut feel, and best of luck on your search for a Domme.

POC​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2020

Thanks very much. I initially thought I would find someone quickly, I’m realising now the search is a marathon not a sprint.

Ms MaryJane{NOT LOOKIN} • Oct 30, 2020

Please don't send money. There is no need to pay for training videos. This reeks of scam...sorry to say. Definitely report her if she is on this site but asked you on a different platform...and take a screen shot if you can. But glad you are realizing it's definitely a marathon. Good luck

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 30, 2020

i think 'she' (if the person is even a she) may be a scammer. There are some pretty sophisticated scammers and they haunt sites where people are looking and exploit their needs and desires. Please take care.

p.s.

Nothing is free, but that does not mean paying money. As someone who is willing to be a slave, you are the payment. A dom/domme who wants/needs a sub is getting what they need from you, not from money. This person really sounds like a scammer to me.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 30, 2020

This reeks of scam. I've never had to pay for anything and I know much. If I ever did videos to teach it would be free on youtube.

That's actually something worth pondering on. BDSM itself is already under threat of lacking in information sharing. Way I see it sharing that informaiton without paying benefits the whole community. Additionally, if all they're after is your wallet, moment it's dry you're out on your ass. Doesn't exactly inspire trust and presence.

Villanelle​(staff) • Oct 30, 2020

Please report anyone here who asks for money, gifts, subscriptions, etc. All of this violates our rules. Asking for payment for training or equipment is a big red flag and almost always a scam. Reporting these types is helpful to the community as a whole. Visit the person's profile, scroll down and click the report button. Screenshots are particularly helpful. Please note that all reports are confidential.

Exquisite​(sub female) • Oct 31, 2020

My training as a sub was done in Paris and it was one full year. My training was free, however, please know to have training by an professional Domme or Master or Dominant it can be costly.


To avoid any payment at all I would suggest once Corvid is under control or gone and the “Dungeons” open back up inquire about training. In the EU and UK they have free classes within Dungeons, bars and different venues. If you were in the US I would suggest Miami because a lot of establishments that cater to our lifestyle is currently open. Most of everything related to our lifestyle is closed for the time being throughout the world.

Also, try contacting the nearest Dungeon anyway because you might be surprised that someone is available to assist you or you can leave a message for someone to return your call