Bunnie
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3 years ago •
Feb 5, 2021
I’m wondering how popular it is amongst American females in the off-line community. A bold statement, I know. However, two observations I have made in my few years here. Most of the females who self proclaim themselves to be brats are American females, and of those, the majority I have witnessed seem to be more on-line based than in-person.
I have met one person in my local communities (spanning 3 States) who claimed the title of brat. She was part of our local Leather Family, so she had very, very clear awareness of when her brattiness was acceptable or not. Although we spoke about her role, rarely if ever, was she bratty in public. There are very few Dom/mes (actually none, but there’s a possibility it just didn’t come up in conversation) I have met in-person who hold brats to much of a high regard, or consider themselves a “brat tamer.” I do believe brats and those who love them, exist... I’m thinking just not in the droves we seem to see on-line (much like “slaves”). So I can’t help but wonder... is it simply more of an on-line thing? Or an American female thing (from a sociological aspect)? There’s the possibility it’s because on-line is a more condensed area or version than an in-person community, however the numbers just seem to be way too out of balance for that to be the likelihood. Interesting forum topic @ Tthomas 
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Online now
RedKat{Not now }
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3 years ago •
Feb 6, 2021
@Bunnie, that’s a very interesting observation...as I posted on here, I am currently trying to define myself correctly. I had an experienced Dom/Daddy suggest a test for me and I am bratty with a lot of Lolita....so, I do know I don’t need a title because ultimately, I am just me... and I can describe to the right person, if that ever happens. But, it does puzzle me about me.... I am still working on myself...running to another Dom is not my answer and won’t be anytime soon. I do know that I am a picky bitch, because I can be!!!
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Taramafor(sub male)
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3 years ago •
Feb 6, 2021
SubtleHush wrote: Taramafor(sub male)
Quirkyrebel wrote: While I agree that Subhush is indeed assuming too much (got my own issues with them frankly), do you really think stooping to insults and being demanding is going to help? ......... The only assumptions here belong to the two of you. Quirky, a 19 yr old, thinks her acting out is garnering her any worth at all. And your assumption that someone with 23 years of real-time experience doesn't know what they are talking about. Do not confuse a difference of opinion to mean that you are right. A difference of opinion and the incredible lack of experience quirky has in no way makes my response kink-shaming. If it strikes a nerve in either of you, go do some soul searching. However, you both shaming someone who knows more than you IS shaming. You don't get to shame others and bitch about them shamming you. False. You've made countless assumptions and assumed the worst of everything I said in other threads far too easily. You clearly have trust issues and act like you know it all. I'm sure I act like I know it all too. But LOGIC and FACTS determines who's right. You act like you've never assumed. But I don't buy it. I think you know you're a hypocrite deep down. You just don't want to be called out on your own bullshit. There's a difference between opinion and facts. I'm perfectly aware of the difference. But just because you BELIEVE something is a fact doesn't make it a fact. If for example you tell me something that I know is definitely not true then I know your opinion is not a fact. This is where PROOF and EVIDENCE factors in. Don't just say you're right "just because". Say WHY. If I said something that you know not to be true then the reverse logic also applies. But it has to be proven of course. There's also "context" and "Full story". You make snap judgements before getting the full story, basically. What makes you think you've never assumed? Well guess what. If you never assumed a damn thing then why am I here saying you have when I know for a fact you've told me things that aren't true? What makes you think you know it all? Because you say so and don't listen to anyone's opinion other then your own? That's hypocritical. |
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shortylotus(dom female){Valuedom}
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3 years ago •
Feb 6, 2021
I am 100% brat. I do have different brat forms that come out of me.
1. The playful brat. The one who goes outside in the cold and then jumps naked into bed with you slowly putting my cold hands on you smiling.. i like to see you jump and squirm then grab me and put me on my stomach. 2. The frustrated brat. I don't care for whats going on that day and someway, somehow I want you to know this. I might lock myself in the bedroom with a toy and send you pictures of me using it while giving you the finger smiling. I want you to be frustrated. The more frustrated the better because when that door opens up....game on. 30 mins with a paddle i am happy to be a good girl. 3. Pissed off brat. This is when I am mad and resentful over something that has happened. At this point you can restrain me and break skin on my butt and I with the tears running down my face I will telll you to shove it. I need this release given to me from my Dom. It comes down to attention and getting the attention i crave at the time. The worst punishment to give a brat....ignore her. |
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brattybarista(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Feb 16, 2021
I’m going to speak up on this as well. Maybe I am mislabeling myself in this community but there have been several posts in this forum that I agree with.
A lot of it probably has to deal with past trauma but it also has to deal with my need to not blindly submit and trust. At my core I am a submissive and for previous doms I had done anything they asked because they had my trust but it was something that they had earned in my perspective. When I acted out for attention or for funishment I knew where I stood at the end of the day but I needed to make sure in my own head that they deserved my submission. It’s not just acting out or testing limits because I’m not truly submissive but it’s being bratty to make sure I know where I stand and how I will be approached when I do these things. I know when and where the line is to stop this behavior, but at the root of it like most of this lifestyle is for people it’s an act of therapy or protection for ourselves. But still, even if it is mislabeling, I think being a brat is what best describes how I submit, not because I don’t want to submit but because I need to make sure my trust is placed in the right person. |
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MountaintopMaster
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3 years ago •
Feb 16, 2021
SubtleHush wrote: My response on a different website about the Brat perspective.
....... Somewhere along the way, bratty behavior became a thing. I personally frown on it because my experience with it is: * It's a control tactic or a test/manipulation for the top to prove himself. I detest that stuff. * Bratty behavior often takes the place of real communication. * It attracts top types who are not tops or Doms but just people who really enjoy hurting others. And that happens a lot. * I believe you do yourself a huge disservice and miss a lot of the finesse and nuance of power exchange by defaulting to being a brat. * There are people who act out or are, frankly, obnoxious and they toss a title on that and the whole world is supposed to accept it. But the whole world doesn't. And you lose out on quality people when you became too much work to be around. * It's often born out of frustration or fear and neither is an ideal way to begin a journey such as this. Now fear is a huge issue. Fear of giving yourself away to the wrong person. Or a weak person. It often hinges on old business and can have deep roots. People of my generation learned about spanking from John Wayne movies where the woman was strong, fierce, stubborn, and defiant (but always wrong in her assumptions. The writers made sure of that.) And he was patient to a point and then finally threw her over his knee and spanked her. Whalla! She sees the light, realized he IS the best man for her and they kiss... fade to commercial. But that is not what we do here. Or rather, what many of us do. If we want to be spanked, we ask for it. Maybe, just maybe we joke a little or tease but bratting is not joking or teasing. Finally, When certain behavior is tiresome and constant people stop seeing the person. Instead, they see the behavior. So the guy who is always drunk might have something of great value to say but it will be missed because all the people see is 'that drunk' again. So too is it true for brats, abrasive people, demanding/needy people, etc. I am feisty, fun, unpredictable, but also submissive, serious, etc. So because I am well-rounded people get to know all of me, and if we're joking around that is fine. But I know when to not joke around. Brats don't seem to have that. My experience with them is that they are one-dimensional. They use being a brat to cover up other issues that need attention. The fighting, resisting, being difficult, and a lot of work is not typically how people who embrace submission see it. They see games and headaches and there is nothing inspiring about that. You cannot drag someone kicking and screaming into submission. That is diametrically opposed to the essence of submitting. I've had more than a few brats reach out to me for mentoring back when I did that. I always declined because they want help being better brats not being submissive or even understanding the submissive mindset. And those who think you can jump from brat to slave? That never really works out for them. Be true to yourself but I suggest you look deeper and find out not only who you are wired to be but who you wish to be. It all takes self-growth and time. I know many these days want to change what that word means and will argue it isn't a rude or disrespectful persona. But you need to realize that those brats who went before you were rude and a pain in the ass. So that particular word is not your friend. Acceptance and understanding are not your god-given right. Call yourself a brat and some will judge that based on old experiences with other brats. I don't judge anyone for being a brat but as a person with many miles in on her journey, I DO know how much longer it will take them with that label on their backs. I think self-declared brats deserve better. A guy wrote to me the other day. His intro? I LOVE being tested every day by my slave. Personally, I don't see that as submission and when it becomes my job to keep him entertained every day then it is not a power exchange dynamic. Power Exchange is a shared experience not one feeding off the other. It also makes me wonder how long before he grows bored with this slave and moves on. We have self-identified brats out there. If it works for them, I don't give it much thought. But when they come to me I caution them. There are few Tops of any title with their shit together who want to work to drag you into obedience. And I suspect that if you were the Top of any title, you'd need to reconsider having a brat always pushing back at you. The others? they, like you, want to win the battle. Some want to win so badly they will crush you to do it. We see the posts and aftermath of women who trusted them. Being strong, feisty, funny, and quick-witted are traits I've seen in many s types I've been friends with in real-time for decades. Many of them had very healthy and happy relationships. I have not known many self-proclaimed brats who boast of longtime healthy and happy relationships. I'm sure they are out there, but I see many more with sad stories to tell. In the end? It is up to them to equate their behavior with that of the person who hurt them. But before you bet it all on that one title. Maybe think about your better parts that drive you to surrender to a partner. All I'm saying. H* I am surprised and saddened to hear that this reply was taken as offensive or kink shaming. It clearly does not attack ALL who identify as a brat. It brings up a very real problem that all of modern society faces today, vanilla or kink. SOME "kids these days" have less self-control, respect for others and things that don't belong to them, and entitlement galore with a simultaneous expectation that they should not be severely punished, either, because they "just didn't know any better". If you don't know a single kid or young adult who behaves this way, then you must only know two or three other human beings on the entire planet. Now, to avoid offending or shaming anyone here, note that I very clearly said that SOME people behave this way. NOT. ALL. If you hear the above words and feel attacked, that's on you. Maybe you just tend to feel like any harsh word is aimed at you. It's not. This is merely a description of one type of person, and it's NOT a healthy way to grow up period. Kink or vanilla. I believe that what SubtleHush was getting at was, that while being a brat can certainly be a kink identifier, it can also be an excuse to be irresponsible and/or disrespectful in a way that lacks any type of productive or healthy benefit in the long run. You can't say "oh, that's just my bratty side, I warned you!" ...if you are horribly mean to your partner 24/7. That's called being abusive. (Not horribly mean 24/7? Don't be offended by this statement.) You can't make disrespectful, irresponsible life decisions all the time, and then blame your Master/Daddy/Mommy for not "taming your bratty side." You are just trying to get out of doing the hard work that all human beings must put into being a respectful, decent human. (Again, are you not completely reckless or irresponsible? Then don't be offended by this statement.) TLDR, don't use the statement, "oh, I'm just bratty" to cover up every little thing you do. You must still work towards being a good person, or a good submissive, in life. You can find a healthy dynamic with those dominants who are made for that kind of interaction. |
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MountaintopMaster
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3 years ago •
Feb 16, 2021
In re-reading my reply and all of the subsequent replies involved, I think I can sum up how I personally feel very simply:
What I see going on a lot these days is, not-really-that-kinky people using a kink trait as an excuse for a problem that is NOT really a kink. In other words, if you're genuinely kinky and just happen to identify as "a bit of a brat", ...then you're not really the problem. Think of it this way: even if you're a kinkster, you're probably not actively looking to participate in being irresponsible, disrespectful, or just truly horrible to your partner. You are here because, as a submissive, (or whatever) ...you WANT to be "good" to your dominant. The goal is to channel your energy away from being hurtful or damaging, and in a more healthy direction. Sound at all like you? Then there's no need to feel attacked or shamed by the general notion that SOME "brats" are seriously abusing the title, and disrespecting the kink world itself. |
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emmmllliiininenine(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Mar 15, 2021
Re: “I am a brat and a bit of a handful”
“Everyone is a brat until they are restrained. Then it’s up to you to determine how long they remain that way. “
Not everyone is a brat. I’ve looked into it and i know myself fully in regards to “brat” and i am not at all even a shred “bratty”. I literally want with every part of my body and soul to please my man/dom/partner. Maybe more subs are brats than they realize but there are genuinely subs who do not have the brat trait at all. It’s just not a turn on unless it turns my partner on(but again its not bc i am, but because i want to fulfill my doms wants) bc i want to submit completely to the man im with. Being a “brat” doesnt make me happy. Also if you have to restrain them to be submissive they are not submissive to begin with imo. I like to be restrained, but the point is that with or without being restrained doing what my partner gets turned on by(and submitting to him fully) turns me on. So i’d say maybe your getting with a lot of closeted brats(ive seen posts of brats who hide it bc they say when they mention they’re a brat it upsets doms) or maybe they dont even know they are and happen to find out. |
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SubtleHush(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Mar 15, 2021
Taramafor(sub male) You just don't learn. I saw you pull my name. No, I don't read your garbage. You can shout at the sky that you're right all you want. But you aren't. Like ever. Not ever. lol
................ MountaintopMaster, you said... I believe that what SubtleHush was getting at was, that while being a brat can certainly be a kink identifier, it can also be an excuse to be irresponsible and/or disrespectful in a way that lacks any type of productive or healthy benefit in the long run. You can't say "oh, that's just my bratty side, I warned you!" ...if you are horribly mean to your partner 24/7. That's called being abusive. (Not horribly mean 24/7? Don't be offended by this statement.) .................. Thanks for your words. The original post was in response to a young woman who asked why people look down on brats as a whole. I and 5 other women who each have 15 or more years in real-time gave her what we saw, observed, or were involved in real-time with people who liked to brat. We didn't shame her and I didn't shame this poster. As you said which was much better than my attempt. If bratting is your thing and you and your partner like it, cool. But when you brat around at the expense of others which is non-consentual, not cool. It got to be a frequent occurrence in many areas. Restaurants refused to book munches after already having a relationship. Hotels stopped booking weekend events, and people didn't go to their usual gatherings rather than deal with bad behavior written off as bratting. I don't think everyone who identifies as a brat is obnoxious but enough have been over the years that the term got a bad rep. So if you ask why some people consider being a brat a bad thing, that is why. And it is fair to explain it as such without saying to anyone including the poster that she is a bad person for it. Every aspect of the life has its share of over-the-top rude people who are hard to be around. Social etiquette used to be an important part of training newbies, now it's just doing whatever you want and stepping on anyone who complains. More and more people take on labels with no understanding of the ripple effect. Then are surprised when they are responded to in a particular way. The most common advice I give is to learn as much as you can before letting people define you. And then if you want to be a brat? Go be a brat. H* |
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Taramafor(sub male)
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3 years ago •
Mar 15, 2021
Quote: The only assumptions here belong to the two of you.
Then I'm sure you'll be able to point out WHERE you believe I've assumed. And tell me WHY. Don't act like it applies "just because". Give context. Was actually going to address some other things on topic. But since you're playing the blame game we're having this conversation because of your paranoia and trust issues and generalised statements. Bad past experiences also fuel fear of future interactions (which you've stated yourself). You also know you have trust issues. And it does lead to assuming the worst inaccurately. Frankly, trust issues does that. You've also made accusations about me that I know are not true. And thus must come to the conclusion that they are inaccurate fears, even if the concerns themselves are understandable. It's you that fears the worst. This is clear as day. You've doe it with me. And you fear the worst of brats because of past interactions with them that didn't pan out. This is correct isn't it? |
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