Is it common? (Possibly wrong Thread to post in, sorry if so.)

Is it common? (Possibly wrong Thread to post in, sorry if so

DaddiesPumpkin​(switch female){Not Lookin} • Mar 13, 2021

My question is a simple one.

Is it common for "new" Doms to reach out to others in effort of "learning to Dom"?

I may be totally wrong here, correct me if I am... But, I can't see myself teaching someone to be something they've already claimed to be.

I don't know... Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

DrWakko • Mar 13, 2021

It is common for Doms to reach out to other Doms to learn how to be better Doms. It used to be more common back in the day for people to get mentors. Now it seems people are relying more on sites like YouTube.

Authors like Dr. Bob have published several Master manuals as well as travel to cons and other venues teaching relationship classes.

DaddiesPumpkin​(switch female){Not Lookin} • Mar 13, 2021

Yes, I know of Doms reaching out to other Doms.

But when it comes to asking for such from a switch (such as myself) or even them mentioning they've reached out to submissives as well, seeking to be taught Dominance.

Is that a red flag, possibly?

That's more so what I meant, couldn't figure out how to edit my post to add this.

Jersey Firewalker​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2021

That is a huge red flag IMO. It's like boarding an airplane and the pilot asks for "help" in how to fly the plane!

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 13, 2021

Done that for others so often I've started charging after the basic assessment

Kelpi • Mar 13, 2021

Not only is it common it is also advisable to do so. Think of it as a new job you always wanted to de but have no idea how to. You ask questions learn from others and find you way with out all the big mistakes going on your own would cause. Would you want a Dom behind you who did not know what to do? Hell I have been around over 20 yrs and still ask questions and learn new things. That is why I life the lifestyle never gets old and always something new to try.

DaddiesPumpkin​(switch female){Not Lookin} • Mar 13, 2021

I understand that it's advisable to seek out some form of "guidance" and/or "mentorship" when being inexperienced. That I get. Knowledge is power!

What I'm basically asking/saying is:

~Should a Dom with no experience seek out a switch or submissive to help in such?

~Why not seek that from a experienced Dom?

I, for example state clearly I am not a Mistress in my profile. I am a switch, one who also isn't looking for any form of a dynamic at this time. Therefore, asking me to "train" them should've proved to be unwarranted before they sent the message.

(In my mind... This could be my faulting line here, but I couldn't see myself wearing a "title", while having not a snip of knowledge about such lifestyle in the first place. That would be like, if I so happen to decide, "Hey, you know what I feel like doing today? I'm going to go swimming!" Knowing darn well my butt cannot swim, lol.)

I don't know, and I'm not trying to make such a huge deal of such... I just felt the need to reach out to others and see what their opinion on this is. As I said, Knowledge is Power... Even for myself.

☪

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Mar 13, 2021

I think you need to see it for what it is. Manipulation. These Doms (imho... I am sure they would disagree) are trying to get past your walls in a very conniving way. They are trying to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Giving you a false sense of comfort by saying "teach me, I am just a humble Dom who is eager to learn" when they are not, they are predators.

Learning from YOUR sub is something every Dom should strive for, but when they are telling you they want to be better, and you can show them that, when there is no pre-established repertoire, they are just trying to get into your pants and get their thrills. Lying is easier and has a higher success rate than truth, that is just fact, so some will use it as a manipulation to appeal to their target.

Don't trust these Doms, they are not coming from the right place. There is a very specific end game they have in mind, and it has nothing to do with you. Alterior motives.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Mar 13, 2021

Sorry to say, but you are incorrect and if you are giving advice I’d suggest perhaps getting a mentor to teach you. Please don’t spread incorrect opinions as facts.

Mentoring has been practiced in the lifestyle likely longer than most of us have been alive. Long before the internet and 50 shades, this was how information and knowledge was spread. Sadly now people see porn and think that they are automatically qualified to wield a flogger.... smh

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Mar 13, 2021

Mentoring is normal and advisable, HOWEVER, when in a mentoring dynamic, the mentor should NEVER cross the sexual line, meaning, if a Dom-to-be asks a Submissive for guidance and mentoring, they should never "bump uglies", even in the name of education.

The teacher is the teacher and the student is the student. Never should a submissive who is not THEIR submissive be the teacher in a sexual way. Talk. Attend workshops together. Do non-sexual things but NEVER should sex between the two happen. It blurrs the lines and the purpose.