Chat up lines for laughs

Chat up lines for laughs

rosethorn​(sub female) • Apr 22, 2021

What is the best and worst chat up lines you have used or heard?
Let's get some laughs going.

Worst - i have a surprise in my pants, it needs unwrapping.

Some better alternatives would be good. That one still makes me laugh tho.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2021

A waitress that used to work for me in Dallas - very beautiful 5'2 Blonde Haired Italian girl... nice as could be, smart as a whip. One night a drunk customer, sitting with about 10 or so buddies, she walks up with the tab, clown looks at her and says "Hey baby - wanna sit on my face?" - not missing a beat, she retorts "Why? you wanna compare assholes?"

rosethorn​(sub female) • Apr 23, 2021

Im going to have to remember that one 🤣

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2021

"Damn girl, you shit with that ass?" Is one of the best sentences I have ever heard in my lifetime.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Apr 23, 2021

That is quite memorable. Don't know if i should laugh or cry

Kelpi • Apr 23, 2021

I had taken a friend to a gay bar in Houston. One that had been open since the early 70's. Telling joked I waited till my buddy was taking a drink and told one that made him choke. Bartender looks over and ask if he is ok I say "NO he needs hip to lip resuscitation". You mean lip to lip? No hip to lip your hips his lips! watching all the drinks being shot out and then everyone looking at me like I was Lucifer himself while most of them laughed. The only thing that saved me was my friend starting to turn blue trying to breath from laughing so hard was I said "quick pull your cock out and clear his throat". That night and the next weekend I never paid for a drink. I was not allowed to talk but I drank like a fish.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 23, 2021

"Is anyone sitting here?" asks dude after a few. "Yes, once I find someone."

Not much of a knee slapper but story of my 20s.

Kelpi • Apr 23, 2021

I was drunk one night and was with a friend who loved to get me into trouble. Was at our favorite bar when I saw this woman who was just fine as hell. AS I watched her I knew she was lez because of the way her friend was telling guys to back off that is mine. Still I watched and her gf came over to me and asked if I had a problem? "Yes I do My problem is I was born a man and have no chance with her or you". She laughed we talked she asked if I thought I could do better with her gf than she could. "Yes I can and I can prove it right here". "I was a Navy deep diver I can go deeper stay down longer and no matter how wet I get I will stay down till the job is done". I got 5 numbers that night and my wife tore them up when my so called friend told her what happened.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Apr 23, 2021

These are some funny stories, thanks for sharing.

Tthomas • Apr 24, 2021

Out with a buddy one night at a local bar.
I was in a relationship and never want to
mess up a good thing. He on the other
hand was in a full hound dog state of mind.

He kept hitting on an older very attractive
women that we both knew. He told her...
“I sure would like to get into your pants tonight”
She looked at him without missing a beat and said...
“Now Frank, I already have one asshole in my pants why would I need another?”