What is YOUR hard limit?

What is YOUR hard limit?

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 10, 2021

So while at work, my brain got thinking and this question is for the Doms, particularly those who are Sadists.

What is YOUR hard limit? I'm talking about skill set here, not "poly", which is a dynamic style, or "pegging" because that is something done to you, but what is the ONE THING you would NEVER do to a Submissive?

For example, I know one Dom here who will not do choking. I know another Don who will not use belts (Thank you Sir. Personally, I appreciate THAT limit!). We ALL know that Submissives have a plethora of hard limits, but a train of thought lead me to wonder, "what limits do Sadists (and masochists) have?".

I'm just curious.

Thanks!

FirmbutGentle​(dom male) • May 10, 2021

Well, in the spectrum of dom types, I don't consider myself a sadist. I do of course like to spank, I can use a ruler, or a belt on request. But that's the only part of a sub's body I will administer discipline. I will not slap or hit a girl in the face nor any other part of her body. I can apply a collar in addition to whichever gag gets her excited the most, but not choking, that can get dangerous. I don't get off on inflicting pain on others and don't look to do that on a subbie girl willing to trust me enough to lead her. It's enough for me to have a girl as my helpless damsel and spank, pull on the hair, mandhandle her some and put her in some knotty -but still safe- roleplay peril for a bit. Which builds up to her eventual rescue.

Kelpi • May 10, 2021

Breathing on her own. I want a sub who can breath on her own. I don't want to move the air mask around when I want a kiss and am on the fence with the iron lung it has possibilities and restrictions as well. Mostly when I look at her I don't want the Darth Vader noise going on before I get a kiss or BJ.

L a r s​(dom male) • May 10, 2021

Degradation.

I get it. I get that it's not "real", I get that the aftercare following such scenes is in place and helps. But I could never bring myself to speak down to my gal.
(With the caveat that, I don't consdier reminders of her submission to be degradation. Telling a sub "ha, you're submitting right now!" isn't exactly new information. Falls more under "dominance" for me than any kind of sadism.)

I also have no experience with "pain play", but am willing to try. Not sure what any limits there would be, but I am sure they exist.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 10, 2021

I am a sadist.
I have a few hard limits. Not all are set in stone. Obviously inflecting pain isn't one of them. The standard ones apply..death, disfigurement, fluffy animals apply. I'm sure I've missed a few other common ones we all agree on. I'm also rather HUGE on consent.. and often state HONESTY and TRUST is a hard limit to me and a deal breaker.

Lars mentioned "degradation" I am some what the same but I do think when it comes degradation, ones degradation acceptance level can be way different in another. what I call light degradation might be way to much for another. My hard limit on Degradation play is only with my primary as I believe (y.o.m.v) long term use can damage the psyche. Short term, well defined and negotiated scenes I will and do, do so. My primary is my greatest treasure and I do want to play another day. ...we have enough trouble making sure his body heals we (personally) don't need to throw in his mental health as well. But I really should add....I do enjoying watching others play in this area as I find it fascinating as it is so varied in what effects/affects and doesn't.

I also do not spit on submissive FULL STOP. Its always been a hard limit to me. It just squicks me out and makes me cringe.
I also have trouble with spanking but hand me a paddle and you might wish you hadn't. There are several reasons for MY hard limit that I'm sure don't make sense to others but it does to me. In my mind due to trauma filled childhood, I associate it with being "young and not able to give consent"...it is also a trigger for me. This same hard limit has filtered down to "littles and age play" its not personal, doesn't squick me out, its just not for me...it takes me to much effort to take myself there as I want to "let go" not censor myself and then try to find enjoyment in the moment.

hmm think I covered my majors

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 10, 2021

Ms. Bonnie,

Excuse my ignorance but what does (y.o.m.v) mean? Either I've never seen it out that way (and I'll feel like an idiot when you tell me) or I need more coffee (ok, I ALWAYS need more coffee)....

As for spanking, I get it. I've been lucky enough to be able to work through my own issues and can now be on the receiving end, but it took a while. Thankfully, my partner trusts me to say my safeword when I've had enough and I trust him to stop the scene if he senses that while I don't safeword out, I should. I don't know if I'm starting to ENJOY it, but he does and I get a laugh out of seeing his palm print on my ass so clearly that a palm reader could do a reading for him just from the marks on my ass. (it really is kinda funny, being able to see his life line on my ass in red).

As for humiliation/degredation play (I lump them together), my Brat enjoys the name calling and insulting (she's a middle so what else can you expect from a teenager), and SHE doesn't mind being called names such as whore/slut/cunt (a peeeersonal favorite)/etc and enjoys them being used during sex....with one rule. You can call her anything you please but she also gets to mouth off while it happens. She gets to insult back just as if a person would scream insults back at a rapist or something. The moment subspace hits though, it's all turned off and the lovin's begins.

I could never understand the spitting thing. I can't wrap my head around it.

As you know, I do have a little aspect...but not a sippy cup using, paci sucking kind. I'm an emotional Little. When she comes out, it's because I'm feeling fear, hurt, vulnerability...I don't know if that means anything different for you. It did for my partner.

L a r s​(dom male) • May 11, 2021

Y o m v means "your opinion may vary."

Kelpi • May 11, 2021

OK all joking set a side for me it is choking rape blood and the usual stops (animals kids). I have listened to my sister talk about what our step father did to her and I can't do a rape scene. Choking well if you have ever had a rope around your neck you know how you can't get into it no matter what. I have seen so much blood that I do not want to see it while in play. There are other limits i have been to able set aside to make her happy. I have found that limits are set more for her than me. Just as a sub goes into sub space there is a place I go that a darker side comes out and feeds on her emotions as she gets what she is needing. It has to be controlled as it will go to far but it feels so good to let it out. I have limits to protect her more than me. Even though the lines are drawn there is always times when she may want to stick a toe over the line and as long as shwe wants to try it then yes we try but not until she says she wants it. I have seen to many that where talked into it and gotten hurt and it has ruined relationships and trust for the next one.
It is not inly the sub who has to learn the D must also. We are in a give and take life. She gives he takes he gives she takes. The ying yang of life. If you only take or give then there is something your missing.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 11, 2021

Lars nailed it. Your Opinion May Vary...and there is ALWAYS time for more coffee. You my friend are no idiot *smiles*. Can I add another hard limit? If I can, its coffee DOES have a place during scenes! My subs all know how i like and will often have to get me a fresh cup LOL



I'm so happy to hear someone else "gets it" I often get this weird look from new subs (male and female) like "Whaaaaaat? Don't ALL Dom/mes love to spank" Its the same with pegging and foot worship its often "assumed" its standard and comes built in to all dominants. Like we are all stamped out from the same cookie cutter in the factory. I am too, getting better at working through my spanking issue. I will now do so as a reward but it still doesn't push my happy buttons and I'd still prefer to avoid it.



I have no issue with name calling or making my submissive feel "smaller" (not in a little sense but rather lesser than, in position) I just cant degrade them on a personal level (such as your are useless..worthless..stupid etc) When I do say these styled things they feel like I'm lying or being fake when they leave my mouth. the action doesn't leave me feeling empowered but rather like I'm cheating myself and them.

I'll think some on the emotional aspect you're speaking off.... Off the cuff and in the moment, right now I could say yes, an emotional little could work for me as it comes from genuine vulnerability (a trait I love in a sub). Like your partner I think that could/might work differently on me. Thanks for saying this. Its given me something else to ponder on.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 11, 2021

@Kelpi,

Thank you SO much for that wonderful sharing! I loved reading it and learning more.

For me, personally, I love choking but only bare handed choking, not rope or anything. It has to be done very meticulously and methodically and NOU do you need to have trust not only in the person, but in the SKILL that person has because it IS very dangerous.

What you shared about what I will term as "Dark Space" (to mirror 'sub space') was FACINATING!!! Thank you for that! For me, I find it difficult to prevent myself from entering sub space once I am on that edge because I desire it so much! The quiet that I find there is beautiful, like having your ears under water.

So I ask you, how you prevent yourself from falling over that boundary between full control and full Dark Space? How do you skirt the edge like that?