SweetSirRendering(sub female)
|
3 years ago •
Sep 7, 2021
Taramafor wrote: SweetSirRendering wrote: It takes time to build trust, friendship, etc, but only the Dom that has what it takes, inherently, to have Power over my own and has a vision that aligns, has my submission. We both have choice, we both give in our exchange. He has the power and the control. This takes time.
Time isn't the deciding factor. Honesty and straight answers is. Brings in other factors. But it's the starting block. The sooner you clear up assumptions and ignorance the faster you can move on to better things with less concerns. I for one get it over with. Instead of letting things linger unresolved. I take control of that. And doms dig it. Those that ask questions and find answers at least. Then it's smooth sailing. sometimes jsut smooth sailing right away without having to talk at all. Show no fear, lead by that example. You need to really have your issues addressed to pull that off properly. If someone else worries, need to control the situation. Some don't. Many will. That's just realistic. Normally the sub will have the "shy" or "not sure/doubt" issues. But not always. And seriously, can we please stop making blank carpet statements about which side is better/worse? It's going to depend on the person. And what the situation is. Control and power can be abused. And it can given too blindly before being aware. i am sorry, i don’t agree which is why i wrote what i did. trust is built with time, consistency cannot be shown without repetition. anyone can be anything, for a time. i want time, to get to know a person. fear, doubt, timidity are not factors for me. i prefer to get to know people rather than go in blindly. your blanket statements arent my own and responding to my view with the equivalent of “wrong” is odd, especially considering your last paragraph and the lack of consistency in one message. i shared my perspective in response to a question, which i believe, is what the author was asking. i am sorry you find fault in it, but i can see how that can happen.. |
|
|
Online now
TheWhorelock(dom male)
|
3 years ago •
Sep 17, 2021
If the Dom is truly dominating the frame of the experience then the power lies with the Dominant, as the submissive has given it to them. The capacity to withdraw consent is not a measure of power, as both parties have that. What you’re referring to is a common social arrangement, usually held by women, in which women usually hold more power through sex in intimate relationships. But if you examine queer kinky relationships these kinds of confusions become clearer. The Dominant holds the power. However, many Hetero D/s role play oriented relationships often are more of a Bottom Dominant relationship, where the female “sub” wears the pants and makes all the decisions about how and what is being done. The “Dom” is more of a service top. At least in my experience.
|
|
|
No Body(dom male)
|
3 years ago •
Sep 17, 2021
Power has to be given to be taken. If it is stolen it is not power. Sex has many doors and you have to peek in to see if you want to try something. Yes there are those who just jump right in and take what they want but many will explore and find new things together. Finding what is right and what is not. I love to explore her body even when I have made the road map and know where everything is. It is so incredible to keep searching and looking for new spots or just finding the old ones (over and over and over).
|
|
|
kittytamer(dom male)
|
3 years ago •
Nov 1, 2021
kittytamer wrote: I have been what I am, for as long as I have been.... I did not know terms or complex structure.
I have learned that I am only in control of what is surrendered to me. There is no taking control of anything else. No without violation of human rights. I'm 50 yo in a couple of weeks. At 23, I a fantastic creature of a 21 woman presented herself to me. I was so shocked by her perfection, I ignored her. She in turn was so shocked, she found herself giving over her only possession that others sought to covet. The only thing that she ever used as a weapon, the only power she ever understood... Her valueless beauty was mine. There were lots of pain games, because she always wanted to know, that I would overlook the physical, infact she despised her own beauty. Because of the power it afforded her. She harboured a deep resentment towards men for wanting the her they could look at. Everyday bringing me home a new stack of phone numbers. And 3 to 5 times the average tips. Even I suffered her wrath if I showed softness or weakness to her small frame and beauty. In the end.... It was my love and compassion for her that ultimately caused our end. A true masochist was born. A true dominant destroyed. Without her submission, you dear masculine dominant ego.... Are nothing but the next victim of your own desires. The only power you are afforded, is that which your sub gives you. Aside from that, you are not going to grab a unwilling party and tie her, or beat her, or fuck her.... Without going to prison, which is what you deserve for harming unwilling parties. |
|
|
LongerJohnny(dom male)
|
3 years ago •
Nov 1, 2021
What exactly is your question: who holds the power or who gets the last word?
If it is the former, the answer is that it is called a "power exchange" for a reason. To oversimplify things a bit - a Dom needs/wants a sub, a sub needs/wants a Dom, etc. And in each case neither is complete without the other. A Dom can't Dominate without a sub. A sub can't submit without a Dom. That means that all parties have equal control, equal power, and are equally in charge. Either can say Yes, either can say No. Also, we all have (or should have) safewords in order to exercise that power and control. If it is the latter, then that depends on the structure of your personal dynamic. There are no global, absolute rules, though it is generally considered to be the Dom who assumes the lead role, and the sub who follows. But even in that scenario there must be agreement and consent between all persons involved that those will be the roles, and that they will be filled in such a way. Once again, all parties have equal control, equal power, and are equally in charge. Either can say Yes, either can say No. ** Before anyone misunderstands, I am NOT saying that this means that a Dom is not a Dom just because he isn't currently dominating a sub, or the reverse for a sub. Our essential natures do not change due to this exchange of power, or lack of it, we simply embody the manifestations of it when it does happen. Unfortunately, it is those manifestations that often lead us right back to the question of "who is really in charge?" But forget all that. Do what works for you and your SO. Call it power, call it control, or call it nothing, if it works it need not be dissected or overanalyzed. p.s. The whole "gift of submission" being the foundation of all dynamics argument is nonsense. We all give the gift of ourselves to our slashmates, Doms as well as subs. Either can give, either can rescind, with equal authority. |
|
|
Miki(masochist female)
|
3 years ago •
Nov 1, 2021
Generally speaking, and can be applied to things outside a BDSM dynamic as well--- Power is power whether given or "stolen" as an earlier post put it-- and it's in the hands of whichever one "needs" the other less.
A non-relationship example is: You found a great new job and you're about to ditch the one you have --- You're far more able to invite your boss to kiss your ass than you would be if you needed the gig to put food on the table and had no realistic options for work. So back to a BDSM thing.. the power still is found in the hands of whichever one is less needy. |
|
|
| DaddyXX |
3 years ago •
Nov 2, 2021
Sage:
Old vs 'new' ways of looking at things...the traditional roles are now archaic..as am I..and add the new 'gender fluid ' aspect..the roles and powers attached can be extremely confusing...like a muisician not reading the sheet music..but improvising..can be much better..or very much worse.. |
|
|
Samsea(dom male)
|
3 years ago •
Nov 2, 2021
Pleased that my post has generated some interest as it's a sub plot (no pun intended) that fascinates me.
Often in chatting I describe my self as empthic, firm but fair as I can even come across as loving, in a non romantic way. I am by nature a 'touchy feely' sort of person and have in the past received comments such as "Sam are you sure your a Dominate" my reply is that I am two sides of the same coin as I do come across as a gentleman, the era that I grew up in I gess. However.... in fun play (I find it hard to describe it any other way) my empathis side will make you feel safe, my dominant make you weak. Keep the comment coming as we can all learn from talking about what we all enjoy, no matter that we are Dom or Sub.. Sam |
|
|
BloodofSzekai(dom male)
|
2 years ago •
Dec 26, 2021
The sub. They draw the picture with lines. I color them in to create an experience. It's that simple.
At least it should be. There are many a "Dom" who refuse to acknowledge the lines drawn. There are many a "Sub" who lazily refuse to draw lines. Dumbasses. |
|
|
tallslenderguy(other male)
|
2 years ago •
Dec 26, 2021
"Who has the power?"
To my way of thinking, both. i believe the strongest natural bond occurs when there is a balance of power from both sides: symbiosis. It may fluctuate, but i think health is homeostasis. Top needs bottom, bottom needs Top, Dom needs sub, sub needs Dom ad infinitum? i think it gets trickier the deeper each goes, tricky to find a similar pace. i think that is where the notion of one having more power than the other comes from? The initiator becomes synonymous with "leader" becomes synonymous with "power." The plug is only useful when it's plugged in. |
|
|