Why it so hard to find a true Dominant?

CapnRick​(dom male) • Jul 18, 2018

One problem in reaching out and finding a close fit is being too eager--on both sides.

After searching around for a while (maybe even only a little while) both Dom and sub are primed and ready for something explosive to happen, and prety soon after meeting. This puts pressure on BOTH people.

If the Dom wants to take a measured 'let's get to know each other first,' the potential sub may figure he's a drag--she wants some fireworks!

If the sub holds back, and asks lots of questions, the Dom might think she's a pain in the buttski. He wants flirting, not guarded questions!

So, all I suggest is that heightened expectations are a real hazard here --sort of like speed-dating.. Sounds good, but rarely works.

Of course, the Cage is still a pretty small site--rarely a hundred on line at a time. This is a pretty small population to find one in a million...but somehow, many of us manage to do it...

Sparrow75​(sub female) • Jul 23, 2018

I haven't encountered a true dom in many yrs. All I keep finding is vanilla men who say they want to be doms but either turn out to be more of a sub or a abuser. It's been even harder to find anyone real since now a days everyone seems to think of themselves as a dom or sub.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Jul 25, 2018

No wonder when you read the ads its just plain obvious why!

thedarkflamemaster​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2018

A true dominant is very hard to come by these days. The feminization of men is so bad right now, that you might find 1 true dom within a crowd of 10,000 men. It's a sad testament to our current culture. That's why so many young subs are finding their dom in men who are above 40 years old.

Just keep looking and don't let yourself be smitten by just any guy claiming to be a dom. Hold out for a true dom, it'll be soo worth it in the end.

Heart of Persephone​(sub female) • Aug 9, 2018

They are out there, I was lead the wrong way once. But I’ve found out what a true Dom is and have met them.

I quit looking for a sub

Beastintentions​(dom male){None} • Aug 11, 2018

Dominant males are not really scarce. What I have learned in my own personal experience is that we all have different desires. Using myself as an example I can easily talk just about any woman that is interested in me to letting me tie her up because she saw the movie and is curious. I have done it numerous times and it was just sex with the woman who liked me. Oh I almost forgot that I tied her up. Stay with me a woman dear to me used to crave desire need and even beg me to secure her good so she couldn't escape. My friends that was a lot more than just sex. My point is we have to find the right person who needs us as bad as we need them. I am open to any and all comments. I will speak with whoever. I think I will make some friends with a freak like me. Help someone for no reason.

Re: Why it so hard to find a true Dominant?

MasterRenton​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2018

There are a lot of reasons : the instant gratification factor, people looking for what they can’t have, rushing into a life they haven’t experienced, it it for the wrong reasons, etc...

Sadly those are just the tip of the iceberg

My advice is to relax - chat - meet your dominant as a Man/ woman - don’t pressure - lastly make your intent known.

You would be surprised where you end up

PrevalingMaster​(dom male) • Aug 13, 2018

In my experience - even here on the Cage - its funny that i hear my level of sensual dominace is too INTENSE. To me these sub( so called) women are very fragile, and their relationships or marriages are often doomed to caducity unless they are fortunate to have a TRUE DOMINANT man. Very few men belong to this category. As i am one - ( That true Dom ) I would seek a dialogue for a compromise, but with the FEAR FACTOR and given the fact of not being open or ego gratification - The right channel of ( mental - in person - even via phone) communication becomes useless. Those women are so dominant ( due to fear - nature) that it has to be their way or no way. Its Ironic - that one wanted to have an in depth conversation via text - be it in indulged- then i asked would it not be better IF you called ME...so we can actually speak?
Then the usual reply - my phone is broken - cannot call - and Poof like Mgr. Nelson and I dream of Jennie - they are GONE! They view compromise as something condescending and as an insult....me talk live?
How Dare you!!
Look - that being said, finding a dominant man is a tricky business... Do you people think a woman has to send obvious signals or can a dominant man see through her ( even on line) and really find out who she is? No man, not even a dominant one, can read minds ( only the Shadow knows...)Each time I presented myself as a man with a bit of a sensual dominant/daddy side, it seemed to attract women for all the wrong reasons. And so far, it attracted many types of women, except those - who call themselves submissive!!!
My conclusion is that there is clearly something( like the Feminine Mystique) I don’t get.
Does a woman like a man like me WHO is asking - Do you need a man to by physically dominant? Do you want old-fashioned chivalry from a Dominant? Are you looking for a Dominant man who will take an active role in directing the relationship?
If you are ...then let me know! ( smiles)

Hell finding any Dominant man is a task let alone a True Dom

iluv2read4life69​(sub female) • Aug 14, 2018

I have been finding it super hard to find a dom that is looking for a true d/s relationship. It seems all the guys I'm finding are looking for nothing more than casual sex. I've met one True Dominant and he was not looking for a sub but he agreed to help me in my search by telling me what I should be looking for and what to be cautioned against. One dom on this thread said that sex shouldn't be the domination of the conversation but every guy I've taken the time to talk to have talked about nothing but sex as if there are no other topics to speak of. At first I thought the d/s relationship was 95% about sex but my friend that is a true dom told me that is not the case. I agree with alot of you on this thread that the true dom is more elusive than a four leaf clover.

Hard for both

Hisgoodgirljenna​(sub female) • Aug 14, 2018

I think it’s difficult for both sides for many different reasons; finding the right fit, using text messages and profiles, and then finding out about lies and deception.
Unfortunately there are many people who are not honest and that tends to distort things, creates apprehension, and suspicion. In some cases it’s easy to tell who is fake but with some it is difficult.
So, with that said, I think we all need to use discernment and be aware of any possible red flags. At the same time continue looking, being open, kind, and considerate. Use every situation/experience as a lesson to learn something and keep moving forward towards what you are looking for. Don’t get discouraged!