When is a Dom not allowed to discipline or correct a submissive?

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Nov 18, 2021

Hi,

For the moment I’m deliberately not going into the definition of what constitutes discipline or correction. As that will vary from person to person.

However, as someone in a full time dynamic who also lives with their submissive, what I can say is that as part of the framework for our dynamic we agreed limits (boundaries if you will) of things that remain outside the remit of our dynamic. Therefore, anything on this is not something that I have the consent to discipline or correct missy over.

An example of this would be anything regarding our child. In matters regarding this we remain equals.

Does that make sense?

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 18, 2021

@SweetSirRendering​(sub female){Taken}

"if correcting for the sake of correcting to flex and prove dominance, that is problematic and is indicative of deeper problems in the connection and the parties may consider going back to basics."

Had to co-sign the above quote written by SweetSirRendering. That is my number one turn off and will revoke any rights given no matter how long we have been together. It shows insecurity to me and sometimes a form of bullying. Thank you for bring that one up.

Bunnie • Nov 18, 2021

“When is a Dom not allowed to discipline or correct his submissive?”

For me? There is no time my Master is *not allowed* to discipline or correct me. Please note I said Master though… not Dominant. Why the differentiation? I’ve spoken about this a lot, so I’ll keep it simple here as to not contribute towards a derailing of the thread. For me personally, M/s entails blanket consent, TPE, based on implicit trust and agreement, developed long before we commit to being Master and slave. Can this be real? My introduction into the BDSM community suggests, yes, it is very real for some. Within those circles, there is no “not allowed.” It would actually be considered laughable. What there is instead is open, clear communication, understanding, honesty, and trust.
Perhaps the difference is simply perspective. In these relationships the Master has final say. In most instances a slave communicates what is going on for them at any given time, and the Master takes that into consideration. However, never is there a “not allowed.” It is within the vetting period (I’m talking years, not weeks) that one determines if they consider the Master to be wise, fair, just and honourable in their choices and actions.
I understand D/s is different in that it’s about ongoing, enthusiastic consent, rather than blanket. So, of course that relationship dynamic differs from what I speak of here. However, you were seeking an answer to this question based on how we each as individuals, “lifestyle,” so there you have it

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2021

bigandsmall everything you said was fair. Agreed. Getting mad that the dry cleaner was closed and blaming you is funny and pretty damn disrespectful. Thank you for the input.

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Nov 19, 2021

“When is a Dom not allowed to discipline or correct his submissive?”

For me, speaking only from my experience and beliefs:

My D type is not allowed to discipline me for something not previously discussed. To me, that falls under "not consented". A discussion, YES, discipline, NO. Maybe through the discussion it becomes consented on my part going forward, but NEVER, if not previously discussed AND consented.

Correctiveness? That for me, means my D sees something that he feels I, as me, and US, that could / should be corrected. e.g. Maybe a rule/task I wasn't following to our agreement, etc. BUT, just like above with discipline, correctiveness should NOT be brought forward if not previously discussed AND consented.

Now with ALL THAT said... EVEN IF I have previously agreed AND consented, BUT retract that consent, or better, SAFE WORD, then that's a HELL FUCKING HARD *NO* GOING THERE. That would be grounds for me to end the dynamic immediately (I have done this by the way!!)

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2021

Abso-fucking-lutely yes.
2 words: Negotiations & Consent. BAM!
(Ok, 3 words.)

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2021

Dominus that's very key what you said as far as laying out what's not to be corrected or disciplined from the beginning. I've always believed in being transparent from the start so that there is no miscommunication about what either person expects or not. And I've seen too many relationships fail because they just rode that dopamine wave. And when that faded, so did the relationship. Thanks.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2021

Hey Morley. I've always said love between man and woman can never be unconditional. Boundaries will exist on both sides. Cross them at your own risk.

"My D type is not allowed to discipline me for something not previously discussed. To me, that falls under "not consented".

I totally understand this. It's how it should be. Discipline over something not discussed is highly toxic and potentially dangerous.

Stevevo​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2021

I will correct or discipline anyone, anytime I see fit; if they cross a boundary.

What they do is up to them.

The same as a Dom/Sub relationship. If you go beyond her agreed boundaries; expect the fallout.

I'mME • Aug 20, 2022

*However, never is there a “not allowed.” It is within the vetting period (I’m talking years, not weeks) that one determines if they consider the Master to be wise*

Bunnie, this particular part is so important. Personally,
I am applying this to a Dominant also. It goes back to someone wanting another person to accept their authority. I am not the woman who is going to reveal everything I am in a month, or 6 months start have told someone all my deepest fantasies. You do not know someone in 6 months.

Obey someone without blinking an eye, is not something that happens in weeks.

Maybe I don't even belong here.