Collars

Zvengali • Dec 10, 2021

WytchyW..... I do appreciate the warning...thats for sure. Yet, I might be able to hold my own. I love your using the words..InstaDoms, as I call them NewAgeDoms/ subs.....yes I am old and of a much different generation of kinksters as it were. But I truly loved the life as it was....High Protocols, everyone knew who they were and their station in terms of D/s M/s....and yes, things will always change. Though there are man who are starting to like the High Protocols and the Ettiquette side of thing....certainly as an OLD GUY....I wont change but will adjust to things. You just have to. Like you said before....you accept what YOU want and seek the type of submissive/slave you desire....Its that DAMN MOVE...Shades, that has changed things tremendously....and not for the good. If one doesnt really understand this lifestyle, youd never know how WRONG that movie was.....anyway....The Old Guy gets his walker and sits down.....

............ Zvengali

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 10, 2021

Whytchy most won't stay as they never did. it's a 5% ds world and was always even though it always seemed a harsh statistic. But it remains to prove out every time.

So some have their fun and pontificate their own importance but the value of time served remains. The shame if any is that many of those who can teach and should have quietly walked away from the feeding frenzy.

Keep your standards and worry not about the visitors.

Zvengali • Dec 10, 2021

..........WychyW............I couldnt have said it better..... My motto in life has always been...."Live as you Live, then die and be done with it"

............Zvengali

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2021

These days we're told to just stand back while the newly empowered generation of brats, brat tamers, littles, princesses, middles, daddies and mommies take over the scene - AND they don't hesitate to remind of us of what defunct and out of touch old relics some of us are. I'd gladly turn back the clock to 25 years ago (for myself) if I COULD just to escape back into what was to ME an orderly and reasoned world with some established hierarchy - as I mentioned in an earlier comment - I fondly remember a time when I could rely on some kind of "industry standard" protocols.

I'm actually relieved that I'm no longer interested in anything resembling dependence on any other person to meet my EMOTIONAL needs in this lifestyle because what once was a rich and layered tango in the night seems more reminiscent of a free for all cage fight peppered with those egos determined to grab the most attention and pleasure for themselves while running the best campaign for their own brand of kink. I'll take casual pick up play without the dramatics at this point in time. 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]

I couldn't have said it better. or agree more. Well said

nuovacane​(switch male) • Dec 12, 2021

Collars are very sexy and are great looking on Dom(mes) and subs. I don't know why they look good on Dom(mes), just kinkiness I guess, but on subs they have a whole host of meanings. If just the sub is wearing a collar it signifies the position of the sub as the person who holds the lower position and who must obey others and enjoy.

In a longer term view, the moment of putting a collar on a submissive woman after a series of 'tests' or completed behaviours is very sexy. Again, the mental and emotional connection is what is important especially is the sub has gone out of their way or pushed their limits to complete their course of actions. The collar can imply a great closeness between Dom(me) and sub as it symbolises all that has happened between them.

Re: Collars

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 12, 2021

Apprecaiting your thoughts.

i have not been around BDSM commuintiy all that long, but have lived with my nature my whole life and am pretty self aware. When i first read of "collars" my brain and feelings ran with it. To me, an actual collar is symbolic of something invisible to the naked eye. When a Dom identifies a kink (i define "kink" as a usually sexual need or desire that is not conventional) connecting place in me and connects and bonds with that part of me, to me that is "collaring"

To me, "self collaring " is a contradiction in terms. i have a whole drawer full of 'toys' that never get used. i'm a total bottom and do not have the top in me to use a dildo or cage on my self, they were all purchased while under the hormonal spell of desire and fantasy, imagining an ideal Soft Dom who got them in His desire/need to use them to connect and bond with me. But to me, the masturbatory exercise of such a fantasy is play and offends something in me to the point i'd rather go without than pretend.

Echo22​(dom male) • Dec 13, 2021

Frankly the morphing of a lifestyle remains the purview of the participants. The collar should be a big deal as it is provided with real meaning for most of us. Thankfully I will continue to believe in the traditions of D/S living. The traditions give us the guidance and discipline to earn our positions and respect in the community.
Keep the faith all.
Echo 22

Re: Collars

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 13, 2021

We do share similar attitudes since you also seem to believe that certain "traditional" aspects are still worth upholding. Sometimes it's ridiculously challenging and infuriating to remind some of the current crop (no pun intended) that they didn't invent this lifestyle and are not the indefatigable trail blazers they perceive themselves to be. 🙄

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 13, 2021

It seems contradictory for you to say "the morphing of a lifestyle remains the purview of the participants" while adding "I believe in the traditions of D/s living". By whose standards are you determining the "traditions of D/s living then"?

This very circular semantics game is the very reason I miss the early days of my foray into this lifestyle where there were at least some "industry standards" of roles and the ensuing behaviors within those roles were easily and nearly universally recognized without needing some elaborate story board being drawn on a wall. By the efforts of *some* to be all inclusive, a good number of "traditionalists" have become the very ones EXCLUDED and pushed aside.

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Dec 13, 2021

I think Echo was acknowledging the reality we live in with the first sentence while swearing his adherence to tradition with the remaining, hence the contradiction.

I don't think traditionalism is being pushed out, rather that the field of sexual expression that it falls within has been significantly widened as of late. Kink was pretty taboo per my understanding until a decade or two ago. When you've got a very tight knit community due to secrecy you end up with a lot more standardization, so it makes sense that once people start to discover and practice kink more freely, the definitions per each person loosen up to be what they learned to enjoy about it. And then those places that did have more refined control over who came and went end up fielding interest from people who don't see them as the only source for activity.

My introduction to bondage was not through domination, so when I go looking for a BDSM group I don't really care to participate in the significance of collars (outside of bondage's context) or similar sorta fealty-esque stuff. Just not what I came here for. I don't feel as though splitting the interests up into aligned zones is healthy either, since you just end up forcing people to sacrifice things they may not want to/being forced to participate in things they might not want to.