tallslenderguy(other male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 2, 2022
2 years ago •
Nov 2, 2022
Thank you Oceanic for starting this conversation!!
i have a few thoughts to add to the conversation.
i've long thought about the differences between men and women. my own journey has taught me to look for and try to identify those things that are conditioned into us, where we just run on auto pilot vs identifying why we act as we do.
Neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine M.D. has written "The Female Brain" and "The Male Brain." i found both to be fascinating reads. Particularly, i found it informative how a baby girl starts connecting and establishing patterns of communication (visual cues) in the first weeks after birth, where a male baby takes about half a year to establish similar skill. So apparently there's a physiological difference that affects communication from the onset.
There's innumerable culturally conditioned elements for both male and female. When i was growing up, one subtle, and overt message was, males are rational, females are emotional. I think part of the effect of that notion is a lot of guys end up emotionally handicapped. Being conditioned to deny ones feelings doesn't make them go away, that denial stunts awareness and growth. Working as a male nurse in a field mostly populated by females, i've experienced more rational women than i did when working as a corporate executive in a male dominated environment. i think part of the reason is because women learn to be aware of their emotions and are able to develop more wholly in that respect.
i grew up in a family that did not communicate. i remember working overtime trying to engage with my family, especially my father, when i was a kid, but he was a man of few words. i later discovered a consequence was i learned to "people read" as my method of trying to know and figure out where people were coming from. I.e., i was not taught the skill of communication.
i was an avid reader from an early age, so books were my best friends, but they only talked, they didn't listen, and i didn't learn how to 'speak,' i.e., communicate to any degree of depth.
i think in many ways, i grew up as a 'typical male,' but am also gay, so there was that, lol. Brizendine promises to write a book on the gay brain, which she believes is a cross between male and female brains.
One of the worst deficits of my conditioning as a kid was much of my communication was based on "people reading." i even bought a book at age 15 called "People Reading." The big problem with that for me was, people reading can only take one so far, and at the end of the day, no one can 'read minds.' i do not think my malady is/was unique! i think it's pretty common amongst guys. One affect of not being taught how to communicate is to (unconsciously) assume one knows what the other is thinking/feeling... without them actually telling them. EEEK, that one is awful.
Another mistake i see a lot of guys make beyond assuming that the other person already knows what they are feeling/thinging on a topic (sans words), is the reverse. Projecting ones on thoughts/feelings onto another. As ridiculous as it sounds, i think a lot of guys just run on auto pilot. i think many (not even consciously) often assume that, for instance, if someone calls Their Self "Domme/Dom," that they feel, see and want the same thing vs asking first. i.e., the guy sending naked photos or lurid details of wants would love to receive such a message, and acts as though those he contacts are just the same. It's very self absorbed and immature, but i think it's often that simple.
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