What do you enjoy more?

What do you enjoy more?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2022

I like learning about what makes other people in the community “tick”. Lately I’ve been wondering about what attracts others to sadism or masochism. What is it that gives you that arousal or thrill?
In my case, it’s a combination of the pain itself and enduring it for my Dom. However, I think it’s enduring the pain that I enjoy most - suffering for him. When I see the look of intensity in his eyes, the edge in his voice, and the roughness in how he physically handles me, my masochistic self just feeds off of it. That’s not to say that I don’t like pain itself. It’s just that there are varying degrees. Some make me giggle or even cum and others I might not want to take if not for him.

So my questions to the sadists and masochists of The Cage:

Sadists:
What do you enjoy more:
Inflicting pain on your sub and watching the suffering?
Or
Knowing that your sub is enduring the pain for you?

Is it equally these things or is it something else entirely that drives you?

Masochists:
What do you enjoy more:
The pain being inflicted upon you itself?
Or
Enduring the pain that your Dom is dishing out?

Is it equally these things or is it something else entirely? Please feel free to elaborate your thoughts.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Dec 12, 2022

I hope this gets a lot of comments and conversation. I'll let someone else start things off since I have something of a passing familiarity with the author of this post!💘😜💘
But also because I'm not sure what my answer would be. The answer is not as simple as just one or the other. I'll have to give this one some more thought and jump in with a better answer as the comments start coming in.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2022

I definitely enjoy it more when doing it for Him. I don't enjoy it at all if I'm not doing it for him. I need to know that he's doing it for his own enjoyment, either because he likes watching me take it or because the act of striking turns him on. Without that, I'm too focused on my own suffering. I also need to know that I'm doing it as an act of submission to his desires. It wouldn't work for me to know that he's doing it because I want him to.

missusK​(sub female) • Dec 12, 2022

Submissive masochist here.
I enjoy both, for different reasons. Submitting to the act of taking the pain feeds the submissive part of me. Enjoying the pain feeds the masochist. I sometimes crave pain, without the need to please, and sometimes don't enjoy it, but endure it to please.

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Dec 12, 2022

As a domineering sadist or is it dominant with sadistic tendencies???

Regardless

As a sadistic individual, I enjoyed the suffering that was my high. Being able to bring her to tears and hit that limit. Then I could dial it back, cuddle and hold - reassure her she did good and that I was proud of her. Making sure we were good at the end of it all.
Those were good times...

And of course, I would push - knowing we had hit this particular mark before and knew we were good. So, I would push just enough to get that next level. And sometimes it was too much too soon. But other times it was what was needed, in order to break through to the next threshold... but that comes with knowing who is with you. Knowing her or his tells... and how the body is responding, but the mind hasn't yet made that connection.

But every partner is different.
Each threshold is different.
And just because it worked on one, doesn't mean it is going to work on another...

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 13, 2022

I am not a masochist but Brats sometimes pair with Sadists and most CERTAINLY be one friends with them.

What I've learned through study of those scary creatures known as Sadists is that what gets them off is the control of the control of pain. (No, I didn't studder).

Here's what I mean: if it was purely the pain that gets Sadists all hot and bothered, then they would just start off impacts hard and beat the living shit out of people, but they don't.

Rather, they start slow and build up. As Kurai Mori said, "Then I could dial it back..". Control. Then he said, "I would push - knowing we had hit this particular mark before.." control.

If a feather caused pain, the Sadist and his love of control would want to control the air as it moved past the feather tufts. He would want to control the direction the tufts pointed as he used the feather on the submissive. He wants to control how the submissive experiences pain. The marks, the crying, the writhing....it's all just frosting on the cake.

But everyone is different and everyone has different pain thresholds. For instance, I'm a redhead and redheads experience pain differently. We are more sensitive to certain types of pain, have a high pain tolerance, and require more pain medication than others when we ARE is pain. For me personally, I suspect that flogging with something heavy would feel more like a massage while the barests lick from a belt, ruler, or paddle would have me screaming.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 13, 2022

Something else entirely (when I was active) Pain, humiliation, bondage and all that greatly helps the intensity of orgasms. That was about it, as I was never one for relationships other than just horny get-togethers.

Although it might seem to some that a masochist and a sadist are a "natural match" but after a good deal of contrmplation, I steer from sadists because, by definition, they get off on inflicting pain / discmfort on others and if 'the "other" enjoys it, it's a buzz kill for the sadist. There can be those with some sadistic tendencies and these encounters can be enjoyable, but out-and-out sadists.. Not my thing. If such an individual gets "carried away"-- it might not end well.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Dec 13, 2022

Mikki,

I mentioned that exact thing yesterday to a Dom...that for me, restraint/bondage intensifies orgasms. I HAVE discovered that I can't be restrained completely ridged but need just enough room to be able to clinch up as the orgasm is creating. Feeling the ability to pull on the restraints allows me to be able to feel "trapped" as well as allows me to prevent muscle cramps. Nothing sucks worse than having to call "flashing red" (temporary stop) because you got a charlie horse just as the orgasmic floodgates were about to burst through.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Dec 13, 2022

Great discussion so far everyone.

The quote button gets threads a little fucky sometimes so I’ll just quote people myself.

“I also need to know that I'm doing it as an act of submission to his desires. It wouldn't work for me to know that he's doing it because I want him to.”

This is a great point. There are some things that I appreciate that my Dom does for me even if he doesn’t enjoy them (like watching a movie I like for example). But when it comes to things of a kinky nature, it’s important to me that he’s doing it because he wants it. Even when I want it too.

missusK - I relate to your comment completely. Different motivations for the different sides of me as well.

“Being able to bring her to tears and hit that limit. Then I could dial it back, cuddle and hold - reassure her she did good and that I was proud of her. ”

Ah the harshness followed by the snuggles and reassurance. You can’t beat that (pun intended). 😉

“What I've learned through study of those scary creatures known as Sadists is that what gets them off is the control of the control of pain. (No, I didn't studder).

Here's what I mean: if it was purely the pain that gets Sadists all hot and bothered, then they would just start off impacts hard and beat the living shit out of people, but they don't.”

Okay I had to laugh at the “scary creatures” description. You know I used to be pretty scared of a certain sadist myself. Times have certainly changed. Anyway I did want to also point out that there are times when the impact play doesn’t start off slow and methodical. There are plenty of times where my Sir starts off with some of the heavier hitters and finishes with something that I can take easily. So it’s not necessarily standard procedure for all sadists.

Your pain type preferences are basically opposite of mine. I love the slappy stingy stuff more than the thuddy. Give me a belt all day long. 😝

Well that’s all I have time to comment on for now!

Defender​(dom male) • Dec 13, 2022

I couldn't just be a sadist.
I'd worry about all the other fun stuff I was missing out on.😜

For me it's the mental control that's the kick.
After all, any ape with a stick can hit you.....