Victim Blaming and Rape Culture in Kink

I would say, in response to djinni, that I am speaking from the perspective of someone who HAS been raped and assaulted and victim blamed and victim shamed. I’ve been scared to leave my house. I’ve been hyper conscious over my appearance so I wouldn’t “bring it on myself”. I have lived, and still do, with the repercussions of things that were done to me without my consent.

In no capacity whatsoever do I believe that any individual is “asking for it” because they have any part of their body revealed. That’s absolutely ludicrous and an absolute violation of basic human rights and decency. We all have the right to live our lives undisturbed and unmolested in whatever way we see fit without having to fear being told that we, in any way, consent to a violation of our person.

This post was addressing two separate issues tho. The first being the acceptance of victim blaming and the second being an assertion that a specific individual on this site was engaging in that.The lady that posted her breasts has every right to do so without harassment, assuming we live in an ideal world. We do not. Tho she never said she was being harassed. I wholeheartedly agree with the content in regard to the reality of victim blaming. However, the comment in question that is being remarked on was not delivered with the intent that is being attributed to it. There was no blaming or shaming conveyed, simply an observation based on the reality that we live with.

I can agree to disagree, tho for the bulk of it we are actually in agreement.

Thank you for moving the topic, the original OP did in fact deserve her space and not to have it hijacked by an alternative discussion.

The issue at heart is you escalated something beyond the substance provided. Men are messaging her. That is not harassment, it is not harassment to attempt to speak to someone you wish to speak to. Your leap to victim blaming and accusing another member of being a rape apologist when no rape or context there of was a best a radical leap in logic. It turned an innocent " I have to many messages" into "You agree with rape". She was in fact "flattered" by the attention. Her words.

If the context was the type of attention she was receiving then your argument would have been more justified. Emphasis on more because it would still have to be abusive attention. It wasn't though, it was message quantity, and flattering message quantity. There is not a rock to stand on that argues against nudity in ladies profiles resulting in more attention, and if that isn't already known by that sweet girl then someone should inform her.

We can also sit here and say victim blaming is a horrible thing, and in many instances it is terrible. However, a man who goes a construction site with out a hard hat on and gets injured should be blamed. As should the person who caused the accident. Two parties can be at fault, the one who didn't keep himself safe and the one who caused it. Both things need to be fixed. If we take the leap of logic that the messages were abusive in nature, we are still responsible as a community for educating her on how to keep herself safe from them if she wishes it. It is not her responsibility to endure abuse while the community fixes itself.


Something is wrong with the community. Okay. Its changing for the worse, alright. We need to be better, hell yes. I'm with you. People need manners, decorum and harassment needs to stop. All good things that no one in their right mind would disagree with. The previous thread was not the pulpit though. This thread could have and should have happened organically after your going to said convention. Rather than being a gotcha callout this should be a productive thread about how to improve the community with ideas and actions. Organization and follow through. You don't like the players? Make and exclusive space that plays only with vetted people. They exist, here even I've seen them. You think new members are uneducated, wonderful lets round up volunteers to take on applicants here, start a forum thread for just that. You think harassment isn't being punished, Great! Lets have a chat with staff about what that definition here is, and how we can police it.

Jumping down another members throat, and accusing them of some pretty horrid things will never promote that sort of cohesion in the community. Your first step was an attempt to socially ostracize someone. If you skip past the dialog and understanding part in such a mundane instance, how can anyone expect fair discourse here? In full point of fact it encourages people to not speak and not be "outed" in a public space.

If there was no malice in that post by the other person, please explain to me how it was even relevant. Why point out that she had pictures of her breast posted? What was the end game? Lots of people jumping to the defense of this person, without giving one single validating point in their favor. Even if they thought it, it was definitely saying that she had posted the pictures to receive the attention. Think what you want but posting things that shame other women for just living, not acceptable and I’m going to call it out.