Switch? What is that!

Switch? What is that!

SayYesMaam​(dom female) • Aug 18, 2023

You are either naturally dominant or submissive (or maybe a little of both). When you label yourself a "switch" you are talking about acting. You are pretending to be something one day and something else another day. Which one are you really?

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 18, 2023

N / A to me personally but the first answer that comes to mind is...

"A little of both."

SmilesEight​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2023

It seems to me a lot of folks in BDSM are "acting" in many cases. After all, we are talking about "scenes". I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It sounds like fun for many people.

I think some of us, at least myself, simply lives it, because we're naturally dominant. Before I understood myself (see my profile description), I attempted to suppress my natural tendency due to societal teachings. But now I realized that I shouldn't at home, especially if I find someone that complements my natural tendency with her own natural tendency. For me, it's much easier to live as myself, than to act like someone else in my everyday living.

In theory, one day, I might have fun acting like a submissive in a scene. But I don't see that anytime soon. For me, all this is natural personal growth. I'm not doing it for "fun".

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2023

Well that is something I"ve been dealing with for about 30 years or so now.

Course it is a big pile of crap. That is like saying LGBQ people are simply engaging in a "choice".

One is not naturally Dom or sub to everyone. Dom by nature is more bullshit "Alpha" propaganda.

If you have to say it, you are lying to yourself and others.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Aug 18, 2023

I'm naturally submissive when it comes to BDSM. But when comes to my everyday life, I'm dominant. So I guess you could call me a switch

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 18, 2023

I think one can play all manner of games, as one sees fit, depending on the people involved. It doesnt make it 'pretending'


Men whose profiles blare 'natural born alpha, dominant in all arenas of life' are pretending. Oh really, so your boss gives you a job, with a deadline, but you're so alpha you don't comply?

Sex and sex games are fun. So are lifestyle games. Be who you are, organically and naturally, within that dyad/triad/group. The labels don't matter.

The label switch is perhaps used by those with the insight to know, it's all relative.

We need labels, to help us classify and fit. But we shouldn't reject labels we don't understand,that might not fit with us.

Sasa​(dom female) • Aug 18, 2023

"Natural" is something very rare. Many many people are versatile. You might lean to one side, but that is all. If there are for example triggers enough (sometimes only trust is needed) people can switch for one person or even only for a night and enjoy it. It happens and there is nothing bad about it. It is not about faking or pretending to be whatever. We change all the time, so why not there. A switch just says it loud.

jkillaaa​(sub female) • Aug 18, 2023

I’ve always hated the word “scene” in this context, but could never really explain why. Now I know.. or at least have a starting point! Thank you!

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Aug 18, 2023

I looked up the term switch. As Stefani Threadgill, sex therapist and sexologist, explains, “Terminology serves to give us a language in which we can identify and name our experience and to communicate them to our partner. [Being a switch] is commonly relegated to BDSM; however, most of us have a comfort level of dominance and submission. This can change over time with the same partner and with other partners.” A switch is a label that you can use or ignore, nothing more.*

I tend to agree that most individuals describing themselves as switch aren't talking about their relationships so much as fun in the bedroom and scenes.

I believe we are all naturally something on the scale. In my personal and professional life, I've always been more on the Dominant scale, and as I've matured and grown into my being, I've become more so. Many, many women who I've spoken to or am friends with who describe themselves as submissive in the lifestyle have very demanding, leadership roles professionally. That doesn't mean that within their personal relationships, they can't be submissive. If anything, their submission relieves the stress of their day.

Some people are naturally Dominant. Others are naturally submissive. Doesn't mean they can't take direction or can't give orders when required. That's just how they feel and it's internal.

Personal and professional lives can be separate in how we conduct them, and it doesn't take away from how we feel about ourselves. In the end, I like to treat others with respect.

* Found on the web at https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a26657443/what-is-a-switch-bdsm-sex/

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Aug 19, 2023

I may be assuming, and if so please correct me, but it seems like this really bothers you. I would then advise that you not perhaps seek to judge every person who identified as "switch' but rather why you are bothered. No one is perhaps forcing you into playing w/ and/or even communicating with a "switch" - am I wrong?
Not understanding that there is in fact any issue at all here except intolerance.