Dominant Styles

Atlaz • Nov 30, 2022

Hi, I really enjoyed your post, it's great to see other people showing interest in others' perspectives.
“what makes a sub feel valued, respected and desired?”
I'm still discovering myself in certain aspects, which takes a little time with me being a switch, but I can say that I feel valued when the woman who is dominating me always motivates me and is willing to listen to me.

Respect I believe that, for me, it is something very related to limits and knowing the weaknesses of the other, always considering that you can hurt the other by saying and doing something wrong.

Feeling desired, for me, comes more from certain key actions that the person(s) I'm in a relationship with does and/or is willing to do, even if small, a simple example is the initiative, when my domi woman takes the initiative for something with or for me I feel desired.

LordofPain56 • Dec 6, 2022

I appreciate the use of Biblical terminology to describe Dom types.
There are good shepherds and bad ones. The good shepherd does all those things you describe. I'll add that he is a leader and capable both physically and mentally of carrying out those principles and is emotionally available to his flock (the sub) and her emotional needs. A bad shepherd is not necessarily a leader and he only engages in the work to gain something for himself. Thus his flock may fall prey to ravenous wolves for which he could care less.
This is just me, but personally, I could not call myself a potter type of Dominant. In my view, the Potter (God) has already done the work. The sub has characteristics and tendencies given to her at birth by God. To me, it would be better to say that everyone should improve their own character as they realize they have character flaws. That's where the Dom shepherd (leadership) role comes in. My view is to influence by example, allowing my peace and patient care overshadow her causing her to change herself. Potter, though, I am not. Influencer, maybe, if she is attracted enough to my character. But that is all determined during the courtship phase and these things should be a known quantity by the time a relationship begins. If it is determined that incompatibility in character and lifestyle exists early on, a relationship should not be pursued (IMO).
I like your description of the vinedressers work, although that is a really condensed version of it. To put it even more simply, the vinedresser is TLC.

There4you • Dec 10, 2022

LordOfPain56
I appreciate your perspective and it is very close to My own as it refers to the potter. Yes there is one great potter (God) and yet it is He who brings people into our lives. A friend or perhaps mentor who sees what we do not. Who believes in our potential and is there (as you said) to guide and direct to the extent we might allow.
Yes there is a great and perfect Potter and yet He uses those of us who are not. Why? Because He uses those who have been in the struggle to come along side and be a blessing. Should we have a heart to mentor our submissive and thus become a conduit of seeking their good over our own I believe we can be an apprentice to the great Potter.

As to a good verse bad Shepherd I could not agree more to your premise. I was of course referring to the type of shepherd who puts the good of his sub above that of his own desires.

Thank you for your perspective as well as Mr Atlaz’s from that of a switch.

slavenikki • Sep 24, 2023

I am a gay sub so I do as im told and if I dont then he has alrights to beat me he owns me I do as im told when im told as a sub i have no value

slavenikki • Sep 24, 2023

I am a gay sub so I do as im told and if I dont then he has alrights to beat me he owns me I do as im told when im told as a sub i have no value im worthless and should be treated that way

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Sep 25, 2023

My style is something that has worked for very few, as it is the very few who understands it.

I don't hunt. I don't pursue.

Instead, I talk and educate. I draw verbal pictures how things should work within the lifestyle. It is not up to me to take the submission but for them to give it to me.

All in all, I am a teacher with a hand held out to accept a s type cross over into my world

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 26, 2023

i went to read the profile of the OP, but it was not there for me.

KnottyBunny • Oct 1, 2023

I have to disagree that there isn't a wrong way. I absolutely believe that if a "Dom" is hurting a sub mentally and emotionally it is absolutely the wrong way to domineer someone.

There are way too many narcissists that us the title of "Dom" to just cover up their need and want to hurt someone.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2023

Good morning.

I believe the OP wrote exactly what you are espousing: "My view is there is not a right or wrong way to be in a D/s dynamic as long as there is no harm to the other."

I do agree there are those who claim a title but use it as a masquerade to achieve their personal and selfish goals. But they are not being Dominant. They are domineering as you say.

I'mME • Oct 2, 2023

KnottyBunny,

At the risk of sounding like a old vinyl record playing on an old record player (i would wake up many a mornings listening to the same song (s) being played over and over, whatever my sister was into at the moment. When a song (s) were done playing on that side, the arm with the needle would pick up and move itself back to the beginning. It was FANCY. 😂)
Sorry, nostalgia moment. But to your point, it is one of the most important reasons if not the most important, to take time and get to know someone before embarking on this trail. For me this means different types of situations, so that you get to know how the other reacts to stressors, when they are happiest, what that looks like, same for being upset, what types of things upset them, are they OCD, are they a slob, do they like animals, How do they handle things.


Maybe i am just a fucking weirdo, it certainly seems so around this platform. It's been at the back of my mind lately.