Clingy sub advice?

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Mostly} • Nov 26, 2023

Well in our dynamic Daddy wants me to be clingy. He says he doesn’t mind me texting him any time I want because he will only respond when he wants to respond. He typically responds quickly but now and then he is busy or occupied elsewhere.

I suggest having a conversation about it. Ask him what a good level of contact is for him. Ask him if he would rather be contacted at will, a few times a day, or should you wait and respond when he reaches out to you?

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Nov 26, 2023

I agree with this. 'clingy' can work if the dynamic is right between two people. I've seen it in action.

However, I don't see what is described by the OP as 'clingy'.

Getting involved with someone new makes us feel vulnerable. And we need to feel safe. If that other person is not a good match for us in terms of responding to our needs and insecurity in those initial stages( and I think this is PARTICULARLY TRUE when a dominant is flexing those dominant muscles to see how we respond to them) then it's a bloody good sign we may not be compatible. Have experienced this more than once. Meet new man, chat for however long, maybe meet. But over several weeks, there is simply not a 'good feeling' re how that man feels about and towards my emotional security. This causes self doubt, and you end up thinking you're hard work, overly needy, too insecure, etc etc etc...

None of this is true. It is simply that that bloke is not a good match for me.

Take faith and heart in knowing you have sustained multiple relationships/friendships etc in your past. And wrap your tough skin around you to keep looking. Or indeed to discuss and try to make it work. The other person may simply be unaware how to make someone feel secure. Attachment is a tough thing sometimes.

I'mME • Nov 26, 2023

Sincorrigible,

*dominant is flexing those dominant muscles to see how we respond to them) then it's a bloody good sign we may not be compatible. Have experienced this more than once. Meet new man, chat for however long, maybe meet. But over several weeks, there is simply not a 'good feeling' re how that man feels about and towards my emotional security. This causes self doubt, and you end up thinking you're hard work, overly needy, too insecure, etc etc etc...*

This ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️...

Your words are the reason why I asked how the word came into conversation
being.

rmoutdoor • Nov 27, 2023

As a master personally I don’t mind clingy subs as long as they don’t act obnoxious or annoying, but just being clingy is no problem at all. I’m pretty much always furthering my education so in the past I had a sub that while I studied would sit or meal in a comfortable dog bed under my desk and rest her head in my lap , and other stuff at times. I prefer to do lots of stuff together with my subs/slaves. Do to my work schedule I get to be home a lot so it works out great.

LordofPain56 • Nov 27, 2023

To the originator of the topic: Since you indicated that you are an introvert, it might be helpful for you to ask your Master/Dom if you two could arrange a daily (or weekly) "discovery" time about each other. How that works is you take a piece of paper and write down the questions or concerns you have that you want to talk to him about and have him do the same. Then you get together at the agreed upon time and each of you hash these things out.
I get the feeling that you may be uncomfortable about where you stand. Open communication should end that problem for you both.

Paragon​(dom male) • Nov 27, 2023

There is nothing clingy on wanting communication. Clingy is when you are using them as an emotional support animal. It sounds like to me there is a gap in communication skills, or inability due to the introvert type. I would not take it personal, but would still attempt to talk. I would lead more to overthinking on your part, than clingy ma'am.

Re: Clingy sub advice?

CageOwner​(dom male) • Nov 27, 2023

I structure it as "together time" and "not together time". There should be no feelings of "clingy" for both during "together time" as that is "your time". If that quick and easy fix doesn't solve it there is much more wrong with the relationship than you described.

Bunnie • Nov 27, 2023

When we first begin the journey of giving someone else the reins, it can feel very vulnerable. Maybe it’s the first time we’ve gone to those depths with anyone, and I remember being terrified that I was clingy and needy. For my whole life I had prided myself so much on never needing anyone else. So to discover that maybe I did, was terrifying! Would I do the “emotional trust fall” and simply fall flat on my face?! It was difficult to risk that because everything told me I wouldn’t survive if that happened.
It’s perfectly ok to feel clingy. It perfectly ok to have needs. The hard part is learning a healthy way in which to express those needs. Clinginess, as far as I’m concerned, simply comes from fear. It takes time and mindfulness on both parts, to find a place where it no longer feels unsafe to accept that you want to be able to trust and let go.
My advice is that distraction never addresses what’s really going on, so when these feelings arise, simply sit with them and see what’s truly there. From my own experience it ultimately always boiled down to a fear of being abandoned and being unloveable. If that’s the same for you, I can tell you that those fears can shift but it does require the work… hard work… because those are old, deep wounds (completely unrelated to the new person). The beautiful thing about these relationships is that it can give us an opportunity to “relearn” past patterns of behaviour in a safe and supported way.
So, be gentle with yourself, and when you find that nugget of truth as to what is really going on for you, then take that to him and share it so that (hopefully) he can help you find what you need to be able to experience a deeper sense of trust and security within yourself and the relationship.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 27, 2023

[Truncated]

Lardofpain56: That is generally referred to as O P.

Verbose, isn't he???

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All in all the respnses all definitely strike a common thread. The descriptor "Clingy" would seem to apply to an overly dependent sub whose constant need for attention and closeness is at least mildly annoying to the other and can eventually lead to the dude packing up his dick and heading for the hills.

O P -- again, doesn't seem to describe you. Nothing to worry about. Don't sweat the small stuff.

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Here's a stray thought that really works!!!

Tried and true way to really get attention... Fart on the bus.

Sweet Ginger​(sub female){⚓ } • Nov 27, 2023

🤭
I was at target and some elderly man just farted away..almost sounded like a bunch of fireworks going off..🤣

But back to the topic.. although it doesn't sound by what is posted that your necessarily clingy..it's worth mentioning that there are also clingy men too.