Disconnected 'profiles'

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Dec 24, 2023

Woo hoo! 🤣😁

Bunnie • Dec 24, 2023

When someone says they’re an open book it always makes my literal mind laugh… you realise an open book only shows two pages, right? 🙃

darlingdiana​(sub female) • Dec 26, 2023

Awesome to read from you TallandSlender and connect again finally! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! xo

So, i thin what i consider a "disconnected profile" to me is someone who is falsely/dishonestly advertising themselves in anyway, or purposely with the intent to cause harm for self satisfaction, or an unhealthy need (no not this communities kind!) more, the mask and misuse with others, premediated and non consensual through other means.
This can be the MOST confusing person in the world to try and converse with, and they may even seem different people one day to the next. There are sudden odd and emergent occurrences and a tell-tale sign is they rarely remember the last conversation and are defensive. This is a run not walk situation.

The aggravations on profiles for me as an example are :

someone in depth describing the exact partner in full physical detail that they seek and the portrait of the dynamic that will take place. That paints a picture for me of an already made life and mold, that has nothing to do with building me and there long before i was. These are the "endless searchers".
i too have been guilty of this during conversations, and the negative aspect of this is, we may very well run into THE ONE and keep going! So i try not to focus on the "snapshot of perfection" but at the same time, i know better than to aim for the stars or bet on longshots. Realities exist, within reason.

i find some can be guilty of misrepresenting our subconscious thoughts and emotions into writing, when it comes ourselves.
i recently found it easy to confuse my profile. It is what i see and like, portrayed as a collage of myself, that can appear too playful and attract the wrong attention, and did....many times lol.
The more effective way was to be open, honest, never say too much or too little, be careful what and how You show "art" or photos, modesty and about 40 other changes and rules along the way!
Did i mention it sucks to be a woman ? i wonder if that happens to Dom's/Dommes ?

i have also see "THE" profile of life once...and felt it passed me by. Then again that is connecting to someone i don't know and that places value on them, making it too much invested in and that lowers my own. i have learned the perfect profile isn't great or healthy either.

i always try to imagine a real time hot intense meeting face-to-face- then, in the form of profiles and online talk, smh....its a good laugh when you're needing one or bored! lol

For me the steadfast and only continuous part has been the sense of community and familiar/new friends that share the same normalcy that i do. It has kept me here and coming back when time allows in life. i have not yet entered into a dynamic from the Cage.

lambsone • Dec 26, 2023

I'm a visual person, so I tend to look at a picture first and then check the age and other info if it's there.

What puts me off is when a person doesn't put forth the best photo to represent themselves as they can. Photos with a camera below their face so that you see mostly nose holes and can't get a good idea of what they look like, and their face is skewed with a larger jaw than the top of their head.

I saw one the other day that was so dark (practically no light) that just the shadow of a nose and mouth was visible if you saw it at all. What real purpose does that serve? I wouldn't even want to have a friendship with someone who is that private that they won't show their face better than that. If you can't for some reason, show your face publicly, then don't rather than put one up that's barely there. Are you hoping that a person has X-Ray vision, and will be able to tell what you look like?

Beard and hairstyles that obviously don't compliment the wearer are a put off. Not that a person has to be dressed in formal attire, just have some pride in yourself. It gives me the impression that they would not care about their partner. Even a viking trims their beard and braids at least some of their hair.

Along with that, photos that look unkempt, scraggly in appearnce, or sloppy also give me the impression that they may be lazy, on drugs, etc. and not inclined to appreciate their partner.

Photos with people attempting to look stern, dangerous, unfriendly, dramatic, put me off in wanting to get to know them. They scare me. But then again, I'm not a hard core slave/sub and realize that I live mostly in a Vanilla world so I wouldn't respond to those types anyway.

I won't even contact a person with nothing in their profile. Why bother? Occasionally as I read blogs and forum posts, I will recognize them and be able to get an idea of their perspective. I am mostly an introvert but I don't work well with a person who won't share about their life or who they are. It makes me think they wouldn't trust me or that I'd have to walk on eggshells around them. Growing up in a bi-polar family, I've had enough of doing the eggshell thing.

Well, my two cents for what it's worth.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 26, 2023

So photos, sharing any images of yourself online, in the open is a very risky thing in general, as it doesn't take long to reverse image search that face, using AI or not and low and behold you can have facebook page, and any other social/professional media that face is attached to, plus all the details attached to that. Scammer farms in various parts of the world routinely do this, to create fake profiles to scam people. There are places this is done on an industrial scale and all it takes is one good image and its possible you are filed for future or current use.

Now if that face is associated with anything kink/sex related and its possible you will be scammed directly, not just your face details used to scam another person, you may be the victim, blackmailed, outed etc. I don't and will not judge anyone not posting their face on a profile at all, never mind a half face or some other creative image or images. Those who post their faces in the open on a kink site, this or any other one are either very naive, fools, or have nothing to lose, are out as kinksters, sex workers, educators etc so can't be blackmailed, lose their job, custody, etc.

All the above things worth being aware of, taking into consideration before judging those who don't share images of themselves on kink sites, its more than likely those who don't are aware how risky it is.

lambsone • Dec 26, 2023

I wasn't judging anyone dollmaker. I did say that there are reasons why someone would not put their photo in, but did not elaborate on it. My post was responding to the original post about the frustration experienced in trying to get to know someone through their profile when nothing is there or the info is poor.

However, the detail you expressed at how easy it is for a person to use our info for evil purposes is very eye opening. Thank you for sharing that so thoroughly.

I'mME • Dec 27, 2023

I have been told my profile is too detailed, I have been told my profile is this or that.

I do not know what makes a ''good'' profile or a ''bad'' profile.

I see behind words, people (or their) essence tends to waft up from the words.


Hell, I've read so many profiles throughout just the last few years in various places, I should be able to verbalize what makes a good profile but I can't. That's the truth.

It's just like many things in life,
some folks are good at writing profiles, some are not.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 27, 2023

To me (not making this a universal notion), the difference between a "good" or "bad" profile is whether or not the writer gives me a look at who they are. A small piece of vulnerability goes a long way. Quantity doesn't always equal quality. i've been captivated by short profiles that were revealing, and put off by long profiles that simply blathered on, much ado about nothing.

i do think it's possible to be too vulnerable. To me, someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, comes off as needy, not vulnerable (ever see that movie "What About Bob?"). What i look for is at least a snapshot, or a few 'shots', of the inner person. If we're both on a site presumably for finding intimate connection, relationship, to me a bit of vulnerability is a given.

When a person writes stuff like "i never know what to say," while that's honest... if they stop there, i am left wondering if they will know what to say irl? To me, a person who cannot identify and articulate about their self is not relationship ready. It puts the onus on the other person to do the work of discovery. If i'm on a meet-up site, i'm looking for balance, someone who can give as well as take. The profiles that state "I never know what to say" often end with "if you have any questions, just ask." i think asking (and answering!!) questions is part of any relationship, especially intimate ones, but i think those questions do not derive from nothing, they are based on stuff we already know and see about that person that attracts us to each other in the first place.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 27, 2023

A profile is a profile. Read it if so inclined and if you (rhet) don't like it, move on. If you become curious then ask the individual. (In other words, whether a profile is "good" or "bad"--- is a subjective concept. A shorter version of what I just wrote: "Take it or Leave it." )


There are profiles intended to get the attention of someone with "the next level" in mind, while others, like mine are basic information from someone who is completely disinterested in "the next level" with anyone beyond a smattering of back-and-forth PMs and eventually one or both move on. I ask nothing from anyone and I owe nothing to anyone.



The worst creatures on any site involving profiles are not those with thin profiles, no, the worst creatures on any website involving profiles---are the Profile Police.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 27, 2023

i think i understand the thought and sentiment behind this, but referring back to my OP. my initial observation in that post is there are lots of people present on sites intended to facilitate meeting for relationship purposes, who essentially have no profile at all. It's not really a question of "good" or "bad," to me.

i'd say you definitely have a profile Miki, even though you consider it short, it says a lot to this reader . You are definitely not invisible.

Here's what the Cambridge dictionary says about "profile:"

"profile
noun [ C ]
US /ˈproʊ.faɪl/ UK /ˈprəʊ.faɪl/
profile noun [C] (DESCRIPTION)

Add to word list
B2
a short description of someone's life, work, character, etc.

information about a person's life, work, interests, etc. on a social networking website."

To me there is a decided disconnect when i see an entry labeled "profile" that states stuff like "i don't know what to write, ask me anything" or "i'm looking for ltr, serious only," on sites existing for the purpose of meeting and possible relationship. What's missing that would qualify as a profile is the "I" part. And i get that there would be some out there who just don't get it, what amazes me is how common it is.