Being told no thanks

I'mME • Dec 10, 2023

Both sides.

Steellover​(sub male) • Dec 10, 2023

I can certainly understand the frustration of a lot of guys- though of course I'm not in any way condoning the type of behavior described above. I can relate to a guy who read someone's profile, and reaches out to them thinking that there is a chance for a connection based not only on superficial things, but also common relationship goals, common interests, age, and so on. And after really studying their profile, they truly believe the compatibility is there. And then they compose a carefully written, thoughtful letter- and get no response. I can relate, because I've been there, and yes, that is frustrating.

However, most decent guys also know (or should know) that a "No response" is also a "No" response. Were I on the receiving end of such a message, the Domme's end, so to speak, I would in cases like this respond with a brief "Thank you for writing, but I'm just letting you know that I have a loyal submissive/slave and am no longer looking. Best of luck in your search." I do realize though, that there are a lot of dominant women who get flooded with messages with guys who not only do they have no interest in, but who are also rude, crude, and pushy. And I would guess after a while they simply give up all pretexts of trying to be polite.

Ms MaryJane • Dec 10, 2023

[quote="I'mME"]

Both sides.[/quote

again care to elaborate more?]

Miki • Dec 12, 2023

@ Steelover: That would be the best thing to do overall, especially for carefully written and well thought "reach-outs" Just a polite variation of "Thanks but no thanks" should be sufficient. In the cases where the original sender doesn't want to take that for an answer, then not replying further is not rude or mean-spirited or anything.

@Ms MaryJane: Crickets.

sissy rosie • Jan 6, 2024

I would much rather receive a polite message saying no thank you than no reply at all, I must say. At least that would mean any message I'd sent had been acknowledged and I wasn't playing guessing games with why I hadn't heard anything (have they seen my message, are they ill, are they just protecting themselves by clicking delete as soon as they've read my message, etc).

On the other hand, I've received plenty of presumptuous messages from men and I know it's exhausting! It feels very much like women receive lots of messages and men almost none at all - and neither feels particularly healthy.

insubordinate​(sub male) • Jan 6, 2024

Well since i seem to be the devil's advocate, there is another issue. That being if a sub (male) reads a Domme's profile and crafts a polite, considered introductory message...only to be met with silence (not even the courtesy of a "no thanks') or worse yet, abusive and demeaning language from the Domme (probably because She thinks that is how a Domme is supposed to behave to a sub...) Just because you are a Domme doesn't mean that you get to act in a way that is non-respectful, demeaning or hateful. Being a Domme does not give you carte blanche to treat subs like sub-humans or be demeaning etc.

I am NOT defending the males that reply with abusive language ...not in the least. i believe in courtesy and politeness for all. Dommes and subs.

innie

Lady Kat​(dom female) • Jan 7, 2024

This literally just happened to me. Again. I will not be changing my approach but I’d like to point out the ones that get on my nerves even worse than the hostile ones.

Namely the ones who read my limits as a challenge. And their enjoyment of them will obviously change my mind on these.

Limits are limits for a reason. No that reason does not need to be explained to be valid. No I don’t feel the need to explain to those wishing to somehow alter my limits. Either be respectful, or don’t message. It’s not a terribly hard concept to grasp.

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Jan 8, 2024

Amusingly I think those kinds of interactions are what the horde-type subs are looking for, since that's more or less what the stereotype is coming from a cheap literature perspective. From what I've experienced anyone that engages with kink outside of sexual interactions has the nuance to treat it as a component to an otherwise healthy relationship, which is not the case for both of the more linear-approach subs and dommes. Which idk, people get up to what they like. I personally completely sympathize with non-response practices to turn people down, between the volume of requests (dom males in my case, despite me not being gay) and the general pointlessness of followup dms, there's zero good reason to raise anyone's hopes with a longwinded "sorry, no".

Thread topic is unfortunate. I doubt anyone that will DM will read this thread, so I'd say just avoid responding to dms from anyone without a fleshed out profile. Overwhelming majority of dommes I've met here have been super pleasant and polite so that's far from the issue.

Ms MaryJane • Jan 13, 2024

Nobody owes you a response. Is it a courtesy? yes. Does a woman OWE you it because you wrote to her, No. Her no response is a response.
I state clearly in my profile I have a say how it is, no sugar coat type personality. Especially when so called subs say they read my profile word for word and don't meet who I want to have in my world are constantly contacting me because I am who they want. The feeling hasn't been mutual. Nice/polite doesn't always get the point across...even with so called sub/slave/bottom males. So yes we can get down right nasty because that is they only way the point is driven into their thick head (the lump on their shoulders not the thing between their legs).

I'mME • Jan 13, 2024

Ms. MaryJane,

I have been waiting on someone to write this.
?????????.

"Nobody owes you a response. Is it a courtesy? yes. Does a woman OWE you it because you wrote to her, No. Her no response is a response."

I agree with you 100%. The mindset (thinking) which creates a need to write this is part of what I meant when I said "Bullshit".