How long?

How long?

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Mar 15, 2024

How long have you communicated with someone before you met them in person, on average? And what X’s and O’s did you feel you needed checked off before you met so you weren’t wasting your time?

Miki • Mar 15, 2024

I never met anyone from online nor will I, but your post deserves some answer.

The usual. "It varies".

It depends on how often and how involved the communication is between the parties and whether the vibes in the early going ring true. Sometimes one finds a quirk or foible in the other that gives them pause but they stick with it long enough to get to know the quirky one and if they find those little faults are not deal killers they move forward.

But hypothetically, first I would not do long distance. I would never be willing to relocate in the best of circumstances and would respect the same in the other.

But, tossing long distance out the window, before meeting for a casual lunch or something? Maybe a month. I mean, still hypothetically, if they live nearby, a lunch get together is no big deal and one can learn a lot about a person that isn't visible online either due to the nature of online yick-yack-- or by design. As with studio pics for models and shit "only show your good side".

Example.. I slurp my soup and blow bubbles in my water or juice. Hell, I am deaf as a board so I'd never know. That could chase away a dick-slinger or two.. Or not. Those are the dudes worth further review because they have patience.


As for a date/meet up with potential for "added activities", I'd say a couple months.

But that's just me and you'd get a wide assortment of timelines in any subsequent replies to your post.

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Mar 15, 2024

The only guarantees in life are death, taxes and Miki responding to my forum posts!

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Mar 15, 2024

It all depends on the people involved.

With the woman who became my wife, it was a year of online and phone conversations before we met face to face.

Shortest time was the next day.

Though there are some "nevers" out there.

Miki • Mar 15, 2024

Want me to go away? That can be arranged! Don't worry, it's not you, just the given subject matter.

hahahahaha

No, I saw it went unreplied-to for a while and I felt it did warrant some type of response. Bottom line, the situation you describe is fraught with a plethora of random factors and undefined variables.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Mar 15, 2024

For me it's not a question of "how long," but "how much" and "how well" (i.e., it's not about the quantity, but the quality of exchange).

Also depends on the kind of meet up. i may want more, but it seems most gay guys online just want sex, so in that case "how long" (and girth too), may factor into the speed at which we meet.

Seriously though. Real, honest, open, vulnerable exchange is one of the necessities for me. i practice vulnerability with potential mates. i don't wear my heart on my sleeve, but am willing to take the risk to be 'naked' with a Guy Who looks hopeful. If He doesn't reciprocate, it won't develop into meeting. i look for balance, i think it's an absolute necessity for bonding and any chance of sustaining a bond.

In that vein, i also look for 'sexual' compatibility. i put that in single quotes because, as i see it, our sexuality is an integral part of most peoples being and goes way beyond the physical. The top two reasons people end marriages are because of sex or money. Also, sex to me is a whole lot more than a half hour romp in the hay. i think our sexuality is always there, just like breathing and eating. To me, sexuality is a steady rainfall, not a passing storm. i believe it's not fragmented or separate from the rest of who and how we are. E.g., i'm a bottom with some sub, and that does not just present or express sexually. i know that no matter how much i may like another guy, if he is also wired bottom with sub, we are not going to be able to bond like opposites naturally do. We may be the best of friends, but we're not going to have an intimate relationship. So, if that's the only goal, we may never meet.

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Mar 15, 2024

If a log fell in the woods and I made a post about it, would Miki comment on it?

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Mar 15, 2024

I think it depends on what you want the outcome of your engagement to be. If it's sex only, a quick fuck, then the time may be much shorter than if you're looking for something more.

I messaged with my Sir consistently for a week or two before we talked on the phone, and it was a six-week combination of both before I met him in person. I can't say I had a specific list I needed to check off before agreeing to meet, other than "do I feel comfortable talking to him" and "do I trust my gut that he will not harm me, other than consensual harm, of course "

But that's also why we met in a public place for dinner and drinks first, to make sure that we were both comfortable with each other in person.

I'mME • Mar 15, 2024

TallSlenderGuy,

Hello......Good to see you..(read you)

*"how long" (and girth too), may factor into the speed at which we meet.*

Miki • Mar 15, 2024

Take a bite...

But no I would not comment as I'd have to hear it, same as hear a bear fart in the woods if you posted about it... I'd have to have heard those and of course I can't hear a damned thing.