Subs with mental illness

Sweet Minx​(sub female) • Jun 15, 2024

Totally agree. I'm not sure what makes him such an expert on the submissive members of this community 😒

I'mME • Jun 15, 2024

AlphaByDesign,

Abuse in a relationship does not cause mental illness. It can cause trust issues, it can spur people on to doing drugs, numbing their pain.

Mental illness does work that way. When people cross the threshold into BDSM, they are the same people who inhabit any other group of folks.
There is no fairie dust that is sprinkled out, turning people into magically delicious good people. Background levels, emotional intelligence levels, communication levels, bank accounts, life experience, it's all varied, this includes coping skills.

Just because people don't react to things like you believe they should, does not make it mental illness.

A lot of people struggle with depression, bi-polar, schizophrenia. The DSM-5 has added some things that I 100% disagree with calling a mental illness, not a topic for here, but I feel that those things have become what mental illness is about and the categories I named have taken a backseat to these other conditions.

RoseUndressed​(sub female) • Jun 15, 2024

I have ADHD. I dont bounce like many (male) family members who also have ADHD. Instead, much of my symptoms are trapped in my head - hyper fixation, spiralling down rabbit holes, inability to sit still (I must always be doing something and rarely complete that something if left to my own agency). A symptom of my ADHD is anxiety - something that has worsened over the years as my ADHD has become more pronounced (as it often does with women in their 30s). The anxiety can, when not able to run away from my spiralling brain, run to panic attacks - the type where I'm unable to get up from the floor or regulate my breathing.

I do not have a dom currently, but my ex helped me in many ways.

The most simple being, giving agency to another meant I was no longer in control of my fixations or my flittering from one thing to a next. I completed things for him. He channelled me, paced me - in a way. This lead to less panic attacks, over time.

He was also able to recognise when I was beginning to spiral and pull me back from the brink at times. Either by following me down and pulling me out when my obsessions became too much or by stopping me then and there - "you are spiralling. It's dangerous for you. Come back to me."

Then there is the panic attacks themselves - the simple healing of touch on touch. Or, if touch wasn't possible in the moment, distraction. A wordsearch to pull my brain way from whatever destructive hole it was digging.

And finally - subspace. The moment where I am so entirely his that the constant racing of my brain would cease, and I could simply be still - safe with him.


But it took a lot of communication to get to that point - to the point where he knew me so thoroughly that he could spot something I had become exceptionally well as masking and he took time to research, learn, speak to my therapist (with my permission) and such, so that he could help me when I was struggling.

He still does it now - just without joy of subspace.

Re: Subs with mental illness

ArthursKnight​(sub trans man) • Jun 15, 2024

Yes. I must say I am not active in the real life scene nor have I had sexual experience, but as I learned more about myself I identify as a Sub. I am under medication and therapy. I guess a Dom could help - like any other partner would, I guess, by helping on rainy days according to your needs.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 16, 2024

Over the years I have been active within the lifestyle, I have met a number of people who have had issues of many kinds. Myself, I have suffered from insecurity and inferiority in the past. Others have dealt with much harsher issues. Some of them have used BDSM as a coping mechanisms.

Can it work? It seems to sometimes, but I am not a professional in the field. The problem lies in finding a properly trained person who can also understand the lifestyle. They are out there and they can help.

The main thing to understand is you are not alone within this.

Discordant • Jun 16, 2024

From my own anecdotal evidence, (anyone who is about to come at me with, “Are you a professional??? What’s your proof???” Look up anecdotal evidence beforehand. Please and thank you.) many submissives suffer from some kind of mental health problem. So do the dominants. Many have depression, anxiety, anti-social behavioral issues, etc…

We all have seen that ADHD is on the rise and more common than not these days.

It does seem strange to me to confine it to BDSM practitioners, because while we do tend to have mental health issues, I don’t think (speaking anecdotally again) the sample size is any different in the vanilla community.

Vanilla or not, a loving partner can help a person with any problem. The methods vary, but that’s the point. There isn’t one cookie cutter solution for everyone. Individuals need individual solutions.

If it helps, do it. If it doesn’t help, stop doing it. What “it” entails is completely reliant on what you need.

lambsone • Jun 16, 2024

I grew up in a bi-polar household. My mom had actual breakdowns a few times a year. But our lives for the most part were as close to normal everyday life as possible. Her side of the family had ADHD, Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder, and only God knows what else.

My dad's side of the family has depression. I inherited that. One time I was so low that I was planning my own suicide. However I nixed the idea because I'm the type of person that jumps into action when there's a crisis. So I figured suicide wouldn't work for me because I'd be trying to kill myself with one hand and trying to save myself with the other. LOL! So, I'm still here.

All of my siblings have some sort of mental illness but there are enough medical professionals in the family that we all can rarely get away with anything before someone spots it. Both my mother and my older younger brother attempted suicide twice in their lives. Both were unsuccessful.

Humor has been what has saved us over the years. Good doses of it along with meds and treatment have worked wonders. The only temporary help I currently have is all of my doctors. There's a battery of questions I have to respond to no matter what field the doctor is in. The rest of the time it's just me monitoring myself. I know the symptoms I experience and have access to help if I need it.

I have to say though after getting diagnosed with different illnesses or deficiencies in my body and treated with prescription meds and supplements over the years, I am now free from experiencing depression symptoms. And boy does it feel good. I haven't been depressed for three years. I still have depression because if I forego my depression med for a few days it raises it's ugly head. So I'm not so foolish to believe it's gone for good.

It feels good to move around my world without a cloud hanging over my head all the time. And so far it hasn't seemed to affect my BDSM D/s relationships. I'll definitely share with my permanent Dom all he needs to know about my health.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jun 16, 2024

Anecdotal evidence is fine. We all have that. What isn't fine is responding in a way that potentially belittles a genuine question, responding in a dismissive and unkind way, responding in a superior 'everyone's inferior/gamma to me, you submissives are all fucked up' way. That's really not cool. Or useful. This isn't directed at you.

Totally agree with your final statement,and that we are all individuals needing individual solutions.

Master W​(dom male){Busy} • Jun 17, 2024

True not everyone has a mental illness there's criteria and diagnosis for that 100%...However since we're here, could you define woke? Also if you have a timeline for when this new philosophy was introduced into the medical curriculum in exchange for what used to be taught that would be great also.

TwinkleEyes{N/A} • Jun 17, 2024

I’d say this isn’t the thread to argue mental health criteria and history. Us healthcare professionals including the ones with degrees and experience in mental health have decided not to argue the merits of mental health out of respect. This needs to be a SAFE thread for those who have shown their vulnerability concerning their own mental health.