Under Consideration

Under Consideration

lambsone • Aug 20, 2024

I can research this but I thought I'd bring it to the community also and get your thoughts.

What's involved with being under consideration? What type of committment is this? What's expected of the Dominant and the submissive? What are the pros and cons of being under consideration? How much time should you take getting to know a person before agreeing to be under consideration? What has your experience been?

*** This is a gender neutral post for those who need to know that.

Steellover​(sub male) • Aug 20, 2024

I'll draw a parallel to vanilla dating:

I would take it as, I see a person to whom I'm casually attracted. I want to get to know them and spend time with that person, to see if the chemistry is really there. And also, to be on the lookout for obvious red flags.

Over time, we go out a couple times, hang out a little bit, and get a feel for each other's personality quirks. This period, right before that critical "First kiss" or maybe up until that first real intimate moment, when it becomes clear that we both are committed to starting a relationship with each other, is what I would say being "under consideration."

And just like vanilla dating, the waiting game, the hope and wants, the wondering, and sometimes unfulfilled romantic and sexual tension, can be either frustrating and rewarding- or both. Will this person become my dominant? (or submissive?) I hope so...or maybe I don't- I want it to be so...but maybe not? It's that waiting, that getting-to-know-someone phase.

In a BDSM relationship, I would, first of all, want to know if our relationship goals are compatible, first and foremost. Are they even looking for a romantic partner, or just a full time slave/servant in the literal sense? To what degree will submission be 24/7, strict protocol at all times? Will kink play be a part of it, or simply a vanilla/kink-less female (or male) led relationship? Do we both want the same thing, in other words? This is where honest open communication takes place- and where things can break down.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Aug 20, 2024

I've always been of the opinion that consideration collars are a big stinking pile of donkey shit.

What they mean (but not always) is the Dom/me can't make up their minds or, in some cases, have a number of s types lined up, and don't want anyone else to have access.

To me, it is a case of shit or get off the pot.

lambsone • Aug 20, 2024

I found this very helpful site in addition to the cage info.: https://kinkycuriosity.com/

SavannahLyn​(sub female){~Umbee~} • Aug 20, 2024

That's an interesting take. In my personal experience; i've always seen the sub that has initiated the Consideration stage, testing out if the Dom/me is a good fit. It was never a case of "shit of get off the pot", but a cautious optimism from a submissive that has been disappointed rather repeatedly by Dom/mes that look good "on paper", but turn out three months down the road to be dogshit.

Another point of view:
If you look at a D/s contract/collar as a wedding vow/ring, then the consideration collar is the engagement ring.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Aug 20, 2024

And look at how many of those have been broken off.

Now maybe s types asking for one is something new, as I have never seen it personally.

All I have ever seen is a Dom/mes offering them and then waiting to see what happens.

I even saw a guy who had 4 different subs under consideration, like it was an episode of "The Apprentice"

SavannahLyn​(sub female){~Umbee~} • Aug 20, 2024

[quote="TopekaDom"]

Yeah, that might be a bit of a red flag x.x

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 20, 2024

"Under consideration" to me is just shorter wording for "I'm thinking about this before diving in headfirst."

People do that all the time every day on a wide variety of things. Apply for a job, they'll think about it. Looking to buy a car "I'm thinking about it." Or something far simpler such as rye bread or whole wheat?.

It should be no different when it looks like person a meets person b and they feel chemistry More homework is indicated.

As the old saying goes, "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" or from childhood everyone knows of the expression, "Look before you leap"

Those who don't consider the ramifications of their next action are, more often than not, setting themselves up for a hard fall. Someone who does not give serious and thoughtful consideration to a potential partner may very well find that they have a bag of snakes in their living room.

If the label "under consideration" doesn't sit right, one can discard it but the process remains.

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Of course even with all the consideration in the world, either or both risks eventually discovering something in their bed that is best found in a baby's diaper.