First meet

First meet

Bunnie • Oct 1, 2024

It occurred to me recently that I’m just not a “sit down at a cafe/restaurant as a first meet” type of person. I can’t think of anything that makes me feel more awkward than sitting in what feels like such an intimate setting with someone I don’t know. I have pushed through the discomfort of this my whole life because it’s considered the “norm”… everyone goes to a cafe/restaurant on a first date, right?

Over the last few years I’ve actually come to suggest a coffee and a walk along the beach or something along similar lines. Moving my body makes me feel way less put on the spot, and kind of allows for a bit more privacy in conversation too. I often find having these things allows everything to flow that bit more naturally. It also helps remove pressure from the possibility of awkward moments/lapses in conversation.

What say you? Do you still prefer the more traditional method of meeting up with others? Or have you stepped away and created your own ways in which you go about experiencing that first (in-person) encounter?

bdsamworld​(sub female){collared} • Oct 1, 2024

I love doing the "walk and talk" first dates. I can't sit still in that kind of environment so cradling a warm cup of coffee and walking/enjoying the scenery is so much fun I feel. I also like doing museum dates, you get their opinions/views on things and then a nice meal after seems to put people at ease. If you want a sexy idea, billiards, bowling, or mini golf are always fun. So definitely with you on doing something "non-traditional"

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 1, 2024

Some might call that a "norm" but as far as I'm concerned, sitting at a cafe is just one of the things people can do.

It does not mean this environment works for everyone.

However, for me walking with a cup of anything is problematic unless it's one of those cardboard cups with a plastic sippy lid.

No go for me on two fronts, the other being a communication issue. I have to face the other person and communicate in writing... but that's just me.

A cafe-situated coffee and maybe lite lunch would be a more comfortable get together spot for me rather than the occasionally creepy "quiet date in a dimly lit romantic atmosphere"--- if I were so-inclined--- but any informal scene, including walks on the beach, in the park (watch out for piles of dog shit hidden in the grass)-- things like that is best for many. The operative word is "informal".

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If the Cozy Corner Cafe isn't one's slab of fat... Try a good old fashioned Greasy Spoon diner--- with an equally greasy cook at the grill behind the wall and a handful of similarly grubby truck drivers scattered at the sit down counter... The chances are good that a couple meeting for the first time won't even be noticed, let alone disturbed.

In summary--- whatever rocks your (rhet) boat and whoever it is you are meeting is what matters. There are no one-size-fits-all answers and no "right or wrong" ones, either.

PrincessLemon​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2024

I like to do a half and half type of situation.
Where we would either do an activity first then do a sit down or visa versa. Why choose yk? Haha

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Oct 2, 2024

I think for a very first meeting it's good to have it in a coffee shop or diner. Mostly for safety and you can alway go out a door and leave if needed. After that I prefer lets go hiking, rock climbing,sailing or even zip lining. I want to see how he likes adventure and challenges. I like to see how he thinks and adapts to situations. Is he calm and a thinker or negative and whiny? How is he under pressure tells me alot and if I want to go forward in a relationship.

Bunnie • Oct 2, 2024

Oh I should add… I generally also prefer daytime meets… mornings even better lol. But yes, I too always like make sure it’s still somewhere with people around.

Hikes together is definitely further down the line for me… but not to find out if they’re adventurous in the “mainstream” sense 😉

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2024

I

Just

don't.......


Know.


While I feel something like that would be quite enchanting (specially with such a lovely gutter trash), I just can't get my Old School experience out of the way. I have done so many coffee/dinners that it is ingrained in me now. I'm not sure I could make the change and not seem like a creep.

Steellover​(sub male) • Oct 2, 2024

Oddly, while I would honestly prefer to meet in the outdoors and share a walk along the trails or the hills, my typical M.O. for strangers has always been to meet at a coffee shop or restaurant.

Reason being, especially if it's a total blind date, or a first meet, it puts both of us at ease knowing it's a safe public place and allows us both to gage each other's interest to see if there is any possibility there. Both for her and for me (so I don't end up being catfished or walking into a sketchy situation, and so she will feel comfortable.)

Kelpi • Oct 3, 2024

I like to be honest and get to know the person first. Someplace that we can have a snack or something. Chewing on something gives me the chance to think about what I need to say. Do I open up and let the dice roll or wait and let her find out a little at a time. Most of the time by the time we meet there is not much to tell. I like the mall to meet it makes her feel safe and when she is ready to leave I walk away to do shopping while she leaves. I have been told it makes her feel safer all the way around.

silentnotes​(sub female){Looking } • Oct 3, 2024

I'm a big fan of walking, it makes it much easier for me, I also can't sit still at all, I've always struggled with that.
It's also just easier cause I generally don't have to keep constant eye contact with someone and I can't be judged for it.