Adding an extra traffic light?

Adding an extra traffic light?

Sapio Minx​(sub female) • Jan 8, 2025

So I don't have a safe word. I've always used traffic lights as I feel that adds a middle ground.

I find, when I'm in supspace, that I really (really) don't want to yellow. To me, red means stop and end scene,. Yellow means I don't want to stop, but I really want you to stop what you're doing right now. So I don't yellow, because I'm struggling, but I'm not at the end of my rope.

Talking with my Dom and considering adding a 4th traffic light - something a bit clearer than my "wobbly green". So it would be:

Green - I'm fine
Yellow - I'm struggling, but I can keep going. Proceed... with caution.
Orange - I don't like this, please change it up.
Red - all stop.

Anyone else done anything like this? Am I overcomplicating things? He wants to trust I'll call a color; I want a way to signify that I'm nearing the edge of what I can handle, but I'm not there yet.

SavannahLyn​(sub female)​{~Umbee~} • Jan 8, 2025

You aren't the only one that thought three levels of the scale aren't enough. This is one of those systems.

1 - Good to go; not anxious, no pain
2 - Good to go, a little nervous or anxious so keep an eye on it, a little bit of pain
3 - Still good, but this activity is nearing the end of it's time; please finish up whatever this is, or offer an easy way out that is still in scene; pain is nearing the limit.
4 - Pause, check in for communication. Not wanting to stop the scene, but needing to communicate either in scene or out of scene terms; pain level of this type is not tolerable.
5 - Full stop. Communication of needs.

Also
Green - Go
Yellow - Slow
Red - Pause
Black - Stop

Sapio Minx​(sub female) • Jan 8, 2025

Why did I not think of numbers? 🤣🤦‍♀️

Re: Adding an extra traffic light?

Heero​(dom male) • Jan 8, 2025

If it's a system that gives meaningful information and can do so quickly and efficiently, and both partners can learn it, then I don't see why it would be "over-complicated."

I've heard of a fourth traffic light before, but it was a different color and had a different meaning. Namely, "blue", to mean that there is a medical issue that needs to be handled. Specifically, not a medical emergency, in which case "red" would be better, but something of a medical nature. Examples would be like, "I'm getting a nosebleed", or "I'd like a drink of water", or, "one of my arms are going numb from being tied that way, can you loosen that part?"

In terms of numbers, I've heard of a Defcon # system before. "Defcon 1" through "Defcon 5", where 5 would be equivalent to green, and 1 would be equivalent to red. So by that standard, you're not complicated enough! 🤣

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{Pizza+☕} • Jan 8, 2025

I have :

Green-go
Yellow-slow down/don't go harder, you are approaching my limit.
Flashing red -something is not right. Pause so we can fix it.
Red red red-full stop.

If you and your partner understand the signals, can use them without thinking, and follow them...

What you use is up to you. Most dungeons use the stop-light method and so that has become commonplace.

MountaintopMaster • Jan 8, 2025

I think it will depend on how clearly a person can think while they're in the middle of doing all the "homemade brain drugs" of lust and passion... Personally, my brain shuts off too much to manage more than 2-3 commands or signals. For example, either yellow, or red. That's it.

I had such a system in my dynamic; there was a somewhat unique twist that helped, too: the "yellow" status was simply the first half of the whole safeword/phrase. This was very helpful for my brain as a dominant, because even the "yellow light" status immediately jolted my brain to full attention, because that word/phrase could continue to its full version, in which case it would indeed end the scene immediately.

bdsamworld​(sub female)​{collared} • Jan 8, 2025

I've heard some people use the traffic light system but with other things as well. I know someone who does this:
Green - Good to go/keep going
Yellow - Caution/change positions/check in
Yield - slow down/wait a sec
Ambo - emergency stop
Red - hitting their limit

The other thing about her yelling ambo it got everyone's attention around her so others could come help quickly.

Bunnie • Jan 8, 2025

@Sapio Minx, love the added colour idea!

@Savannah, love your system too!

Both very direct, distinct and simple.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Jan 9, 2025

Obviously, the granularity of status reporting depends on the individuals, but it also depends on the context (and the dynamic). If you're engaging in pain play, when the Sadist is checking in with the maso, yellow could mean wait; soothe and settle this pain before inflicting more. If the maso is using yellow as a safe word, it could mean, pause, check in, soothe it and settle it. So yellow could be "check-in" or "wait" depending on context. It doesn't solve everything, though. While in process, harder, softer, slower, faster, change (new position, do something different ), or move (strike another area) might need communicated, but they're words that can be uttered without interrupting scene flow. And, really, these are directions; what's the point where they become topping from the bottom? I appreciate a nudge or two and the fact that the maso is taking MY pain. In fact ,everything I know about it I learned from a maso. Still, nudges I appreciate, and safe words, I would require and heed. I wouldn't like the feeling of being directed, though. But that's just me. Like I said, it all depends on the individual and their dynamic. Really appreciate this post though, OP. It's interesting, and very much worth giving some thoughtful consideration. Thanks!

mysterysoul​(masochist female) • Jan 9, 2025

I know these are safe words but thought I include them with other safe things.

Might not be for all but hospitals make people have clear nails to make sure that they check them to look at nail color when it's an emergency if the person can not say anything. Find a gag so you can still talk even if you are muffled.  If it's a breath hood it is one you still see out of and more breathing holes that you can still see yourself in. With your hands in place, your Dom can see why you are restrained like using two or three fingers for signals signs if you need to get out. Or paint one nail red and another yellow if you need to use it for help. 

Not leaving a sub/slave in captivity for too long due to health and if in case of a fire or personal things.  A person can not be locked up for long they need to be social and get fresh air there can be a huge risk of mental health so good to understand people.  15 to 30 or more minutes at a time should have a baby monitor. If you're going to leave sub/slave at home at least leave a key to unlock themselves self have them on a long chain so they can walk around go to the bathroom so on. You have to allow tho a sub/slave to be free and then get a collar with GPS Sub/Slave can not be in rope too long due to circulation problems. Make sure the sub/slave has warm blankets and bedding some kind of tablet/laptop to use and a TV if they are locked up don't leave a sub/slave bored.  Sub/Slave have to do real life to watch for packages, eat, chat with friends, check on you, go to the bathroom, wash up. Any medical care that they need to do that is provided why they can't be locked up all the time? There needs to be a conversation before and after any scene and aftercare after any BDSM. Communication is needed to balance the team effect one can not do it alone takes 2 people.


Write out a contract that you agree to but leave some things open that you both dislike a contract can always be broken at any time. But for legal things, if anything happens have things written. Everyone may want 24/7 but understand sub/slaves have goals and dreams they may want to advance so they need a good Dom that understands them and that will support them in this just as they will do for you.  Have a thin soft pillow for your sub/slave when it's kneeling and invest in cute knee pads. We all know that Dom likes to see the sub/slave naked but allows them to wear some kind of clothing sheer lingerie and a sheer warm robe so if they need to do some things. Check on your sub/slave's mental health take them outside on a walk or car ride they also need vitamins and minerals with healthy food. Take your Sub/slave to the doctor when needed Always talk to the sub slave some are organic and might want a different doctor. For emergencies have a bag packed in case of some weather that you even have to vacate. Romance your sub/slave and compliment them so they feel safe still need to take them out on dates once a week.
Romance your sub/slave sexually with passion it will help ease of play when comes to impact slowly than working too. Dom also needs aftercare to be complimented. Breath hood or a bag over the head is good for learning to take more pain but is sexually romanced and teased first. The breath hood/ bag over the head helps give extreme to want more pain inflicted. Some people's medical needs may only be able to use soft restraints nothing too tight. Knowing that all places can't be hit spots on your body on your sub/slave's body if they have a soft spot on the head, some kind of surgery, or had a kid so on this should be talked about so that when comes in to play not hitting that area.

Never force a sub/slave to do things they are not ready everything takes time with patience just like the Dom you have to allow your sub to grow up to you to show them and teach them to work together in exploring things. Don't make the sub so all the research works with them. Just like butt play don't get mad at a sub slave if they did not know better have them clean and douche butt be for play and put a towel down. If a sub/slave not taking any birth control then find some organic method or use plan b after make sure to check on them when they take it. In to filling your sub/slave but you're not ready for kids then use plan b after and read directions. Always practice safe sex if you need condoms so go to the doctor or local health department they will give you some and some bdsm clubs also.

Never let your sub feel bored kneeling play with them give them attention and fuck them regularly if you can't then make them cheesecake to make them cum  hire someone to fuck them blindfolded with protection as long it's done with trust. Never make your sub/slave say long words like they are fuck slut pig making them say it over and over ruins the mood you gotta keep them also teased. Hold your Sub/Slave's hand/cuddle/kiss never abandon them or walk away they need love it has to be more than sex but a bond. Never give them someone else used present like a slave/sub bracelet it or sell it instead it is rude to give them used time it won't make them feel good.  everything should be new does not have to cost much but that is still in good value.
Never ask a slave/sub to pay rent why you are dating them it's rude if you want to build a relationship then just say if you move in will you help with some things. But financially not all sub/slaves have work so have them do things around the house or find them some online work or help you some kind of schooling. Never pressure a sub/slave financially not even a Dom.

Both yes should work together but the Dom should lead a secure life or it looks tacky as beta upgrade your life don't have to be rich but do something Depending on the Dom's health tho but the Sub may have to go and provide also. That you take care of each other sick or ride or die.

Looks should not matter as long a person is clean and takes care of their appearance if they have a good mindset and good ego. It's the Dom's job to mold the sub/slave but do so in a healthy way to allow the sub/slave to grow. Perfect does not exist the perfect someone someone not perfect but has the same qualities and kinks are rare so be thankful you get anyone. Try to help the Dom sub/slave with confidence and help them find things like a corset or something that helps them to feel good about themselves nothing forced. Weight can never be Hwp it a scam this not old days of flight attendants. Because all bodies are different it can be muscle bust and legs also. Best to find a better way to work out with your sub/slave Dom to be healthy for them self and each other not to please society's standards. But if we all looked the same look pretty boring best to be original not a copy. Do a photo shoot with your Dom sub/slave even if it's you doing it find some sheer make-it erotic so things that bring the love alive not over silly things. Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and beauty, can have stomach rolls is a message of body positivity. Sub/Slaves have period so take it easy of them things they like buy them pads some wings to eat they will be good as gold. Sub/Slave look up to you take easy on them never take anger on them best to stop for a min get some air a sub/slave is sensitive your are to the protector and save haven so be the umbrella that keeps them safe. All way's protect your sub/slave in public and touch their ass and kiss them when people try to do things do both to each other. Defend each other.