Why do some seek a bottom to top

Why do some seek a bottom to top

Little Vixie​(sub female)​{Mgh30} • Jan 24, 2025

I've come into issues recently where I have men that are switches basically blowing off my status as a bottom and pushing me to top. It's gotten to the point where I no longer play with switches because no matter what I say, it ends with them trying to push me towards topping them. They view me "bratting" as topping. (When I say bratting, mostly pushing some buttons and teasing). I will explicitly say "hey, I don't top. There is no chance of me topping" and it turns into them saying "I know your don't top, but just tell me what to do. I'm not wanting to top".

I do not get it. It's not once, twice, or even 5 times within the last 2 years. I just don't get it

NarahPrimal​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2025

I've had a few lately do the same to me lol
I don't have a Dominant bone in my body and crave that loss of control.
So you talk abit and boom they switch.
Um what am I ment to do with that? Sit in the corner and cry lol.
Maybe some just don't realise that a sub is a sub and a switch is a switch lol
All I know is it freaks me out and I don't know what to do lol.
P.S nothing against switches I'm just no one

Aradia Nightshade​(other female) • Jan 24, 2025

Your question struck me. I wish it was because I have the answer all gift wrapped and ready to go. Unfortunately, I don't. But what struck me, was that this was a question I had years ago - it was a little over twenty-ish years ago. So there are issues and topics that were relevant then, and they are relevant now. Of course, knowing that doesn't answer our question. I'll provide some background and share a few theories. It goes without saying that only those interested in various musings should read. Terribly sleep deprived as well so here is to hoping I'm reasonably coherent.

Back then, some dominant men would see a Domme, and instead of taking it at face value, would often simply see it as a sub issuing them a challenge. I've been around here less than a week so I don't know if this has changed.

Something else happened too. There were some Dom men, who after repeatedly being rejected by me, started hitting on me as a sub instead. At first, I thought wow, I must have strong Domme tendencies! That remained, and still remains, to p0 seen. However, if I did have any particular strength in being a Domme, like a superpower, turning doms into subs, it wasn't what was happening with these apparently newly minted subs. When I talked to a Dom about the possibility of that actually happening, he burst into good-natured laughter. Rainbows were more likely to fly out of his arse and other similar comparisons.

The curious thing, other than them begging me to top them, was that many of them thought that what would please me and impress me, was to get videos and photos of them wearing ladies lingerie. Sometimes about as girlie as possible, pink, frilly sorts of things. But it was almost like they were doing some twisted topping from the bottom thing where they got their kink on by showing me those things. Some Dommes are into seeing men in ladies lingerie - and that's okay. But it never did a thing for me, except occasionally amuse me, but definitely nothing that "did it" for me.

These men were not legit into BDSM as a lifestyle. They were basically just trying to get their rocks off. Sending a young, inexperienced young lady photos/videos of them in their lingerie get ups gave them their jollies somehow.

I knew doms who would purposely make me blush because they thought it was adorable or cute or whatever. In some cases, my inexperience with kink was a turn on for them. That was all fine usually and very different from what those "newly turned" subs wanted. It wasn't particularly difficult to make me blush, and today it probably still isn't, though possibly not to the same degree. However, getting the images in question from those shot down Doms-turned-subs, they didn't make me blush as the senders wanted. So, I explain that because theory number one is that they did it to "get their rocks off" - a cheap and quick way? Oh, just go to a kink site (or whatever) and blindly start your routine. Statistically speaking, they may decide they'll eventually score.

Theory number two is that these men are submissive, but they feel so pushed into a corner by societal norms and expectations, they feel compelled to misrepresent themselves on kink sites and at events, etc. Then when they reel you in, and they can't continue with the charade, they try GG bThey don't maliciously want to mislead but they feel compelled, perhaps suffering from a mental illness not because of the kink, but because they can't make things They switched because it's what they wanted from the jump but were in denial. I think I'm doing a poor job explaining this one.

Theory number three, they are just nasty internet trolls targeted who think it's amusing to mislead others, in this case, to mislead subs. They get fulfilled by being horrible to others.

Theory number four, they are legitimate Switches but new to the community, so they don't behave according to etiquette. Perhaps they are lazy. This theory is probably the least likely one.

Those are all the theories I can think of right off the top my head. However, next time I have access to journals/academic papers I'll see if there's anything related. Few (and maybe none) studies are done into kink that aren't related to sexual deviant side of it. Now that BDSM has been removed from DSM though, newer studies wouldn't necessarily shed any light. If I find anything relevant though, I'll be sure to post it here. Sorry I don't have any more solid theories, or better yet, concrete answers.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2025

I've always seen this as purely swxual. Just cause you bottom your not a sub and just cause you top you're not a Dom.
Too often my partners need to be controlled and taken. Thankfully I presently have a partner that just wants to please me, so wether I be d her over or she climbs this mountain I'm well pleased.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jan 28, 2025

Opportunism via dick brain.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jan 28, 2025

I resemble that remark

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jan 29, 2025

Never had you pegged (ba boom) as the male submissive type... ??? X

That Berry Lover​(sub female) • Jan 30, 2025

OMW! I am so glad this question is coming up because I thought I was alone until I had a conversation with my submissive friend a while back. I've been meaning to ask a similar question in the forum but I've been figuring out how to phrase it.

In some cases, I've had submissive men coercing me into a dominant position under the guise of friendship. I ended up stopping responding to submissive men or switches, or I lay out strong boundaries before I respond.

It feels very predatory to me.

CottageGardenGal​(masochist female) • Jan 30, 2025

I feel it just has to be the right person and people may not be open to all but you just have to have the right connection and feeling because can not be forced. I have heard people can be attracted to you by your eyes, your voice your body language with sophistication even the color you wear like red and black. I am not really a switch or call myself a Dom but more of a Bottom with a side of DOmanice mindset. A Dom has a soft side for a Bottom I don't call it a weakness but more of the strong passion of bond willing to take the lead to hold the band want to put on her heels on her feet and tend to her. Some independent ones want the other side of the coin a little deviation discipline from their partner for a little while then they go back to the life they had.




Some may not say switch use whatever word that may please them. Like a bottom lass time and place but still center self as a feminine allureness. In this day and age, many might be frightened but still deep inside would love to encounter this kind of love but will still remain mysterious because you want the right kind that fits the mold of alignment. Share a little but yet keep to the imagination for the right one that respects you willing to take the time to get to know you on the same level and meet in public for the first meeting to see if there is a connection and soul spark. Don't get too hooked til you know it's right, fine to be a little into it but don't let emotion run wild too much. Hard to find something compatible because some people are stuck with a person but for the right person you must detach yourself and move on or it's wasting your love. It's hard but not the same. You must move on. Some may have a hard time finding someone or may not want to settle friendships. Work fine don't have to have all the attachments but have a respectful friendship bond you still be single even if not sexual but still have a flame for things to do. I am not really coupled with my friend we have no attachments still free and single I just like being alone but I like the company we couldn't find anyone we tried dating others and dating sites for years I only had one rare spark of soul love was in 2019 with nice gentlemen but he did want to play the Dom role but wanted more sub see women do want both its not really topping from the bottom that just old saying. Just submissive women are naturally dominant, not all want to be fully dominant half the time but still submit. You have to find what works for you and what you like. Someone to share it with the mutual bond of kinder heart. But even if you're shy you gotta work on getting out of your shell, and get out of your comfort zone to experience build, and invest yourself.

Someone to put our heels and straps on us, Someone to hold our bags from time to time, someone to walk down the staircase with, To pick you up and show you off, someone to drive us around, someone to fix malfunctions, heal a bobo with a bandage, someone to kiss the bobo's, someone to support and lead take the hand, To always be their know matter even if life changes. To be our wing and protection but we do the same back. That Lad loves to serve lass just wants to respect them as well treated both the same. Treasure this well will forever be well. Not everything would be seen just between you two for some things you share the rest is to figure out not all for all to know but some things in the vanilla world maybe. You have to learn to be a Good Teacher Master in return when it's her turn.

Domestic discipline, and maintenance training not everything will be sexual at first but at first, they know you more in this for love, share the passion not just getting off for self. Be things like learning how to kneel, maintenance spanking, licking heels, and cleaning heels Sitting by your Goddess, Respecting your Goddess, Being a stole, always lighting her fire and fanning her. If broken could be a punishment you may not like but a good one to teach you to respect. Being whipped and tickled, having a huge dildo up the but the whole is more screaming.

But this kind of relationship can not be used or abused or the trust is broken. I feel it's wrong to use someone just for financial or for looks or gain as a poser move has nothing to do with the lifestyle and it's foolish. Some use it as a lazy way and do not care til they are caught and jailed. Either way, people deserve respect. It should make me feel calm, not a headache. I never asked for things they were just given and earned naturally. I did have a guy dressed as a little dog on a virtual site called Second Life who just wanted a home to be walked nothing more but love to buy me heels gave me 4k a week of allowance I said I didn't want to take your money fine if you offer but as long you got enough for yourself paying your bills so on I had to stop it in the end because he wanted to give more this was rare he moved on to other women to worship but he been used in the past I don't like to see people treated like that. Just saying for safety be selective of your heart go by sweet effects and blueprints not sweet words. Anyone in a rush who forces you to do silly things that do not love this is just a game. People playing games will never meet but pretend to make you do all the work they may meet but won't be long before they want it now. A good person takes the time to be good to you. People bark orders right away just as a poser. learn to say no and still a no. Don't get worked up over someone just because of how you look and your fetish be clearer The person you want company with should be someone of respect both ways.

Switch Sence World Combined it,

Don't be afraid that the world is wrong at least try and thrive in a good way. Erotica is love. You need art and passion to flow in this life or get bored.

We just want someone to fight for us every day as they do even in the bad and the good even if both don't feel like getting up still in mind to have dust self off pull you up and them. They say it's 50/50 but one still has to pick the pieces up and pour the same. Just because it gets rough don't just stop or give up you have to do better and still stay. Media tells us to be alone don't talk, to forget about friends. If they tell us to shut in How will people communicate? You have to wake up out of the shadow's live a better life. The pandemic is over. Nature is good for you, love is good for you, nothing to be mad about men and women. You have to start admitting we did wrong in the past but time to say this the present makes peace with this and rejoices in love again. Erotica of love, still whisper things that make you wet, hold hands, touch each other butts in front of those who wish they have you but they need to find their own, Celebrate the love every day and make time, to make space for each other work on having forbidden love break the spell this era can be a better way to hide its beautiful so what are waiting for make it happen.


The truth is switch men are willing and will prove it even without the title. The switch women also without the title. For many years we may been afraid to say this but it's time.

Op beyond these times you have a good head and heart thanks for this post I really do not share some things but feel needed to be.

CottageGardenGal​(masochist female) • Jan 31, 2025

The Doms that are the bottoms are very sexy but they clean up well the aura is to die for I am talking about all of them no matter the background. But they know lay he down the law has wit they are just drop-dead gorgeous. They are kinder and grown either way straight gay whatever they are just dame good being the light in the room. Faint a few times. Breath of fresh air old souls. Cause the Top's with ego sorry will never get as good as them.