Questions For People Who Know More Than Me (ie Everyone)

Questions For People Who Know More Than Me (ie Everyone)

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2018

Hi Everyone, I am effectively brand new to this and, in addition to reading more prepared material - recommendations welcome, I'd like to get some horse's mouth type info so if anyone would take a few moments to answer a couple of questions I'd really appreciate it.

Doms - What thing(s) did you learn the hard way that you wish you'd known beforehand? What are the biggest mistakes that new people make? What would be the single best piece of advice to remember as I go forwards?

Subs - What was it about your best dom that made him/her the best? Same question about the worst. What one thing is it most important for me to know right now from a sub perspective?

Thank-you to anyone who reads this and an extra thanks to those that take the time to reply.

Take care.

YM

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2018

Quick answer as a Dominant - Take time to get to know those who you may find of interests in a possible lifestyle relationship. Get to know them on a personal level first before trying to make any demands as a Dominant toward them! Just because they are shown as a submissive/slave/whatever, they are women first. Treat them as such. They will not drop to their knees before you just because you claim to be a Dominant.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 28, 2018

There isn't such a thing as a best Dom. This is a relationship at the heart of things. Does one have a best relationship or does one have a relationship that was right at the time?

I would say that the men in my love life, both Doms and vanillas were truly interested in me as a person. They put my needs ahead of their wants and encouraged me to be me. They took an interest in the mundane details, the petty problems and successes.

The worst relationship that I was ever in was with a sociopath. It was all about him. We communicated when he wanted, did what he wanted. My needs didn't matter because I was just to exist for him.

As a s type, I think that ypu need to remember that the woman who becomes yours isn't a fantasy but a living person. That means a past, a personality, desires, needs, and goals. Always put people before kink and relationship before dynamic.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2018

Thank-you both for your replies. Both seem to boil down to remembering that respect and decency come first and then other things may or may not develop. No different than meat-space. Treat the women like the humans they are and remember that the labels are just that and not an open invitation.

I hope I've got that about right and it sounds like the sort of obvious thing that someone might not even consider problematic until they tripped over it.

Thank-you again

Beginner

Re: Questions For People Who Know More Than Me (ie Everyone)

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Oct 29, 2018

I cant add much more to the above great advise but one or two things. When looking for information/resources or advise online, dont believe everything you read or take it at face value. Take what resonates with you and throw the rest away. It only has to work for you and your partner in a SSC way. There in no best or bestest in BDSM, just BDSM that works for you BOTH. The other part to that, would be to check multiple sources for the answers you seek (real and online). I'd also suggest to look behind the post (curtain) and check out the members profiles. Is the answer provided coming from an experienced person? or book read person? or a person whose whole experience is based in fantasy... or online (note: not saying online isn't 'real' but if the question asked refers to real time, it can be different).... is this person that is even in relationship? etc! if it is this style of question. There are post whores that offer up anything, just for the sake of posting. It always helps to keep sensible head in control.

My second little bit of advise...go slow! Why rush, if you find the right submissive, you have the rest of your life! BDSM is a marathon not a sprint.


(edited to add online disclaimer)

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 29, 2018

I let myself learn over time.
Slowly.


The biggest mistake I see new Dom/mes do is they take on to much at once.


I always suggest the rule of three to start.

Otherwise as a Dom/me you make a ton of rules that you wont remember.

And if you dont remember-- why should the sub?

Start slow- do self assessment- keep what works and build on it.


My biggest mistake.

Not understanding my loves time management.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2018

Thanks Bear, very practical and sensible.