@ CK45, great question
Yes, I believe we are wired differently. Why do I believe that? Have you ever tried explaining why you like the things you like to someone who doesn’t like those things? Impossible. I realised this quite early in my “coming out.” I was trying to share with my one person in the world who I know loves and accepts me for who I am no matter what... and she just could not understand. Not in a judgmental way... she just couldn’t wrap her head around any of it. In her mind it just didn’t make sense. It’s was a very valuable realisation for me, because I realised that we are different and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean we can’t still love each other unconditionally.
So... geez sidetracked lol... on my journey, I’ve focused around learning to love all the parts of myself I (and we all) have been told/taught to reject... like being needy. Hell yes I’m needy at times. Something I learned a very long time ago, is that we’re all carrying around the capacity for the same emotions... we just mix and match our own individual concoctions. However, given the right circumstances... we all have the potential to feel/behave in any way.
When it comes to “wiring,” I think it’s a mix of both. Because my siblings and I all grew up in the same environment, yet we’re not all kinky... so although environment can definitely be a contributing factor, I think nature also plays a role. I believe all of these factors combined together into our own concoction is what makes us “us.”