Consequences for Invoking Safe-Word

Consequences for Invoking Safe-Word

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

Reading a different thread I came across this line,

"women might still not want to use the safe word due to the consequences."

Am I wrong in thinking that there should be no consequences for using the safe-word? I am assuming here that the she with a Dom not a mongol and that she has a legitimate concern.

If there is a consequence for using it then it isn't really safe. That's how I see it, am I off base?

Phanes​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

No there's absolutely should be no consequences for using a safe word!!! They are in place so a submissive can use them in the event that the dominant attempts to cross any boundaries or limits. If he she ignores the safe words or poses punishment for using them, then they are not someone to be respected or to feel safe with. If you find yourself in that situation, I strongly suggest that you renegotiate your relationship or walk away!!!

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

Thank-you. That is exactly what I thought.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Nov 3, 2018

No one in their right mind should punish for using the safe word. I dont even understand where that thought would come from. What the heck?

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Nov 3, 2018

The name itself even suggests that it’s ‘safe’ to use without any consequences.

TheJackdaw​(switch male){Collared} • Nov 3, 2018

My partner and I have two safe words - one meaning ‘not so hard / do something else’ and another ‘stop everything’.

There are no punishments for uttering either of these and nor should there be.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

There are ass hole abusive so called doms who will create an atmosphere where a sub is frightened to safe word. No dom should have created a state where a sub is frightened to safe word. If you are in that situation run.

Also some subs not wanting to disappoint a dom will not use their safe word. Not using a safe word when it was needed to be used would be much more of a disappointment. Need to use it, use it. No decent caring dom will be upset about it being used, though they may well, and should be disappointed it was needed. In saying that sometimes despite the best practice, care, negotiation, and skill something can be missed, or go wrong.

There are also doms who wont allow safe words, will state they know best etc. Do not get into a relationship with such a dom.

I often hear of situations being praised where someone boasts that I got them to safe word. At no time should anyone seek to push a sub to safeword. Getting a safe word is not some sort of badge of honour, or accomplishment but rather a failure to realise the sub was past their limits. Always work within limits and only look to go past those with lots of prior negotiation and consent to do so, and take it very slowly.

Regarding the call of a safe word, stop immediately and take whatever action is required to look after the situation. Using fancy ropes in rope bondage, do not start undoing them, screw the cost and cut the sub free with the EMT shears you have to hand, same with leather cuffs etc. The subs welfare is the priority not the toys.

Safe words are sacred and must be honoured immediately with no consequences for it being called, used in regards for the sub, the person who used it. The top, dom etc having it called while that person is under their care, well there may well be consequences depending on how they deal with the situation, damaged trust, a hurt, infured sub, ruined relationship, destroyed reputation etc. Try very hard not to get to that point and if you do, do your very best to care for the person who called it, and learn from it and dont repeat the thing that caused it to be called. Own the mistake, and apologise.

Its also worth noting that a dom, top is also fully within their rights to call red as well, use a safe word and like wise that choice should be respected.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

dollMaker man that should be made a sticky! So much great information and some subtleties that are easily overlooked.

Thank you very much for the thought, time and care you clearly put into it.

I'm saddened our first exchange was somewhat fraught. I hope this serves as a new beginning.

Take good care and thanks again.

Bliss

NaivelyOptimistic​(sub female) • Nov 3, 2018

This feels wild to me. That calling a safe word to simply end a scene where things feel out of control could result in all of this. I think that's why calling it feels so heavy and some subs are so reticent to do so. Like, I'm safe wording to get out of the scene, not out of the relationship or to ruin anything... right?

Also, I heard that some public play places/ dungeons have repercussions if someone safe words during a scene. That feels unreasonable, like it puts more pressure on the sub to not safe word if she feels the need because she's aware of what will happen, but maybe I'm missing something and these consequences are heavy, yes, but necessary?

Thanks for all these thoughts.

Phanes​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

Naivelyoptimistic,

I can agree with the first part of your post. Safe words are to be utilized when a submissive feels that a scene has gotten out of hand. The dominant should abide by what was agreed upon as a safe word and stop or lessen whatever action he or she may be doing. There should be no reluctance by any sub to call out a safe word. If they feel their limit has been crossed or they have reached their limit and in any attempt to test a untested scene. They should not be concerned about disappointing their dominant if they call a safe word. It's for their own safety.
As far as your reference of any play place or dungeon that has repercussions for people using safe words; f*** that. My recommendation is not to ever enter one of those types of organizations. Apparently they don't understand that they are responsible for the care and safety of those who participate in such dungeons. I would stay very far and clear from such organizations.