Bunnie
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
@ NO... best advice I’ve received in regards to public play...
- Negotiate (start way before you meet up to play... and always when you’re clear headed) - Clarify (never assume anything... especially that words have the same meaning for you both) - Communicate (it’s vital to be able to safeword... and to communicate before it gets to that) - You can always negotiate down, but should never negotiate up during a scene. That’s all I can think of off the top of my head... I’ll add more if I think of it. As for bdsm in a relationship, I’m a lot more limited there and can only really speak from my experiences. I would say... - Learn yourself inside out - Learn to trust yourself - Work towards becoming emotionally flexible... this will help with your growth... the struggle of letting go of “who we are” is very real. But if you get stuck in that, you get stuck - Be willing to explore and see where you go with it. You’re smart enough to know how to do it safely. And you have us to help also. |
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Online now
Hawkeye
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
Bunnie,
Thank you for a well thought out intelligent response . |
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Kara(sub female){Dark Roast}
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
Prioritize ypur relationship and personal growth above kink. Sometimes a brwak can make things better.
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ivyandtwine(sub female)
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
"there will always be another opportunity"
Aka, don't do it unless it feels like the perfect fit. Quality over quantity. |
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SchrodingersDinosaur(switch female){N/a}
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
I'm going to add in 'keep an open mind'. Sometimes things that you never would have thought might be appealing are, just gotta be open to it. And if it doesn't end up being for you, chalk it up to experience and move on!
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dollMaker(dom male)
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
Trust very slowly. View everyone as risky, until proven otherwise.
Pay attention to other subs/doms saying there are issues with doms/subs. Ask around, try to get a sense if this is a one of or part of a repeating pattern. Doms/subs can make mistakes, relationships can end badly, but if several subs have had the same issues with the same dom, or doms with a sub, then that is a massive red flag. Don't ignore red flags. Through education you can help keep yourself safe, so keep learning. Those things that interest you, study them, learn how they are done, learn how to do them. Fantasists, wanabees and horny net guys/gals will be easily sifted through the filter of your knowledge. Unfortunately clever, devious, highly plausable, knowledgeable abusers (dom/sub) are often less easy to spot. See second paragraph which can help filter these types out. Take things very, very slowly. Subs hold the power to say no, red, always. Anyone who says you don't, seeks to rob you off being able to use your safeword, run. |
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CapnRick(dom male)
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6 years ago •
Nov 13, 2018
Almost too basic to be needed--- but it can be a trap anyway---
DO NOT 'scene' when tipsy/drunk, and certainly don't scene with a drunk/tipsy Dom or Domme. Same goes for an angry partner. I don't do recreational drugs, so I won't comment on sceneing while high or low or whatever. |
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MasterBear(other butch)
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6 years ago •
Nov 14, 2018
Our community is struggling with consent, rape, hate, and drugs.
It is frustrating that the venues continue to exist. So lately the peice that I hold into is "Dont underestimate the power of your presence. Because presence lends consent. " |
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NaivelyOptimistic(sub female)
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6 years ago •
Nov 14, 2018
@MasterBear, I don't disagree with you about the struggles of the BDSM community (from what little I've seen). But can you tease out more what you mean by "Because presence lends consent"? I'm struggling with seeing how that holds with an enthusiastic consent model (where someone needs to hear a vocal, emphatic yes, as opposed to just someone's presence, to assume consent). Is it that by allowing more marginalized people into certain spheres of BDSM, those groups are giving consent?
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MasterBear(other butch)
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6 years ago •
Nov 14, 2018
@naivelyoptimistic
What it means is if you disagree with what an organization is doing then dont give them your money, your time, or your presence. If you agree with an organization- their actions then show up. Consider it like this. My love and I do not go to chickfilla. Because our time, presence, money represents our consent. We dont go to hobby lobby. Same reason. We dont attend a local groups events. Same reason. Where you show is just as significant as where you dont. Does that make sense ? |
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