Does anyone think that dirty talk has gotten lazy?

Does anyone think that dirty talk has gotten lazy?

KythrnLucey​(sub female) • Jun 16, 2020

I'm really into power exchange, sexual and non-sexual, but one thing that's absolutely at the top of my Fetish list is dirty talk. But over the years I've realized that my definition of dirty talk and other peoples does not line up. From what I've experienced dirty talk amounts to things like "good little slut" or: "your just my little cocksleeve" or something else that includes one of the multitudes of crude words the English language contains, and while I think this can be hot from time to time I think its a bit lazy.One time I specified with a dom that I wanted him to try to rip into me and be clever and witty (he was a very intelligent man which is why I liked him in the first place because I'm unironically kind of a sapiosexual (cringe I know)) as much as possible and to mess with my head a bit. We were just beginning the scene and halfway through belting and securing the armbar he says "so you like being tied up like a good little bitch huh?" and I just burst out laughing. I felt bad afterward and apologized, but because of the way he (and others) phrased their dirty talk like a middle school bathroom conversation, it really pulled me out of the scene and made it harder to fall into subspace. Am I just not communicating this fetish of mine properly? is there another name I should be using? Or is the largely assumed definition of what dirty talk should be just kind of lazy(in my opinion of course, if you're into that go right head its just not my cup of tea!)

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 16, 2020

You write:

Am I just not communicating this fetish of mine properly? is there another name I should be using?

I'd try the word "humiliation" or even subjugation/degradation in your negotiations prior to play.

Humiliation play in my experience normally crosses more into the the "let play mind games" area. One person's humiliation is another person's minor annoyance. And something that doesn't bother one kinkster might crush another. Like all kinks you have to really talk it out.
There are a few types of humiliation play so you need to check your both on the same page if your going to use the term.
these are pretty basic descriptions that I just grabbed off a webpage but it gives you the idea:

Verbal: calling a partner names, being made to say things you wouldn’t normally say, mockery, scolding, insults, belittling language.

Physical: Wearing specific clothing, doing certain tasks, public shaming/embarrassment/scolding, being treated like an animal, certain forms of impact play – spankings, face-slapping, etc. (I personally add depersonalization into this category as in being turned into an object)

Degradation: human toilet, licking or “cleaning” something dirty with your mouth, extreme forms of other humiliation play

Sexual: Cuckolding, forced penetration, forced orgasm, or forced masturbation ( say 'forced' but consent is given)

Re: Does anyone think that dirty talk has gotten lazy?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 16, 2020

bugger half my thought didnt make it to the keyboard.

I do hear you on the lazy dirty talk! I've been known to walk out of scenes, the recent because a submissive called his cock "Mr Happy" and apparently I him made sad. *rolls eyes* that done it for me!

Lil Foxy Baby​(sub female) • Jun 16, 2020

The last relationship I was in the guy said it was a turn off I talked so dirty during sex. Now he was vanilla. But it seems lately the last few years I haven't met a single guy who knew how to dirty talk. 🤔

SmolNMighty​(other female){Self} • Jun 16, 2020

Some people lack creativity, and some people lack the ability to be savage. I've noticed if they aren't creative or have a bit of savagery about them, they're dirty talk will make me laugh and I may apologize but I'm not going to feel bad. If someone's gotten me that far they should be well aware of what does it and doesn't do it. I sent one down the road for trying to make me safeword on a love bite. I'm a masochistic pain slut ffs, a love bite isn't painful, it's annoying LOL Talk for 3 months and some people still think it's just to hear yourself speak, and they hear very little of what you actually say.
We can only communicate consistently ourselves and hope people are Hearing it.

Re: Does anyone think that dirty talk has gotten lazy?

SmolNMighty​(other female){Self} • Jun 16, 2020

Mr Happy omg. Ex1 of 18 years did that and it was never sexy. I would have walked too.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jun 16, 2020

It depends on who's talking and how their voice makes you feel

Justme26 • Jun 16, 2020

Possibly men have learnt to tone it down. In my experience some women say that they want extreme verbal humiliation, but then get scared or offended when they get what they asked for (I don't mean you, I just mean one can not tell when a person really does like it). One lady (she asked me to be as honest as posable) said that I was the most scary person that she was talking to, I never really got to the bottom of why she said this, but it seems like this kind of kink is scary for both partners, maybe because it can get very real.

For some reason I find verbal humiliation much harder when the humileatee is very (or even quite) beautiful. Maybe this is your problem.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 17, 2020

There is one more type....

Public compliments:
I was listening to a LovingBDSM podcast mini episode and Kayla referenced a video by Evie Lupine which talked about how publicly complimenting someone could ALSO be a form of humiliation play, especially for someone who has a difficult time accepting them.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 17, 2020

SirsBabyDoll, thank you thank you for the above...I'd never thought of this and it might actually solve a problem I have! *looks up the podcast*