SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

CherryPieTheBrat​(sub female) • Sep 11, 2021

Hey,

This is my first time posting here, but I'm new to this and feel I need some answers for things. So I'll just jump straight in!

1. How can you tell a true real Dom from a fake Dom who just wants nudes and a bit of short term fun?

2. I was speaking to a Dom a few weeks ago (sure he was fake) guess I'll never know. Anyway he said that a sub with mental health problems wanting a serious D/s relationship is a dangerous game...how true is this?

Also any advice or tips or just anything will be greatly appreciated 😍

Thanks
CherryPie

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 11, 2021

Hello!

Welcome to this place.

The first two questions actually answer themselves once you have some time under your belt.

The fake, o more accurately Insta Doms also known as Horn Dogs.. Dick slingers looking for a place to poke, will, well, ask for pics, phone numbers/KIK bullshit, and a "Meet my Meat" plan right off the bat without getting to know you.

The second question can be tied to the first and applies equally to both ends of the Kink battery.

That tool sounds like he was taking a swipe at you because, wild guess here, he wanted to move faster than you were ready to, but "mental issues" are easily hidden online and personally I do not meet online people because you never really know what it is you're talking to, and I'm not talking about fictional accounts, but rather genuine people with a hidden dark side.

I stick with people I have met and gotten to know In Reality first when it comes to getting it on behind the closed doors at night.

Anyway don't let that stop you from engaging here on the Boards and having ordinary conversational PMs via your Inbox or (for premium members) he Bond IM system. Who knows who you might find!

Generally speaking, lots of good people in here. One simply must winnow out the fuck sticks and other dregs.

DrWakko • Sep 11, 2021

How to spot a fake dom:

1. If they want you to call them an honorific right off the bat.
2. They have an honorific in their name. This includes “alpha”. Note: this doesn’t count if the honorific is used in a humorous way like “Masterb8er”.
3. I am very big on community. If they won’t meet you or join you at a munch then they are fake.
4. Their profile looks like a D&D character sheet. Laying out exactly what and who they are.
5. They ask for nudes. You should send the pictures you want to a person. If you are comfortable sending then send. But don’t do it because you were asked.

chattel​(sub female) • Sep 11, 2021

Biggest best clue for me is when a Dom cant answer a simple, general question such as what dynamic they are seeking

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 11, 2021

i think you have some great answers.

i will add that i think the question and answer to your first question is subjective, so there is no universal answer. We are all fluid and change, so the term "dynamic" is apropos.

i think there is also the factor of degrees. Some Doms are more 'dom' than others, or our particular approximation of "dom" is seen as greater in one person and not another. I.e., Dom (or sub) does not have an absolute, one size fits all definition, so it requires communication to find a match. So for me, an key factor in finding a "real Dom" (or "real sub") is communication. If a person does not know how to articulate who and how they are, or worse, are reluctant to do so, i get a lot more hesitant about them. Equally, do they have and demonstrate listening/hearing skills?

To me, those are key ways to discover genuine people.

Alpha Wolfe • Sep 12, 2021

While you raise some good points DrWakko, I draw exception to your second point. My screen names are the same across all platforms online and it's essentially been a journey as I've grown, that affects what I call myself. As I change, so does my moniker. While it may be the case for some, the use of the word alpha in my name is in no way indicative of being fake. Don't read me wrong, I in no way am taking offence. Just wanted to share that names can have deep, intertwined meaning to the user.

Sorry op, I don't actually have anything to contribute to your post. Just wanted to chime that in.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2021

CherryPieTheBrat​(sub female)
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

Hey,
This is my first time posting here, but I'm new to this and feel I need some answers for things. So I'll just jump straight in!

"1. How can you tell a true real Dom from a fake Dom who just wants nudes and a bit of short-term fun?"
.................
Not everyone who calls themselves a Dom or Master is. Some people are just people and the unsavory ones come to sites like this to get what they can't get in the day-to-day world. So they come here and pretend a role and ask for things from you that they are not entitled to. THAT is your first indicator of what this person is about. So drop the Dom or Master moniker and just see them as you would any vanilla person. And act accordingly. You need to learn how to filter out the garbage as opposed to assuming everyone is authentic.

For one, stop thinking in terms of "trueness". To call something true implies that the observer knows everything about everything and can therefore make such a determination compared to all else. Dominant personalities cover a spectrum from subtle to overt. It depends on what you seek. If you seek respect and long-term, then those who offer less than that are not for you.

Dominance has nothing to do with photo collectors and those who write in CAPS keys or disrespect you because they want to. So to determine what will work for you depends on you knowing what you seek and having your own deal-breakers. When someone hits a deal-breaker you stop the whole contact. They broke the deal.

Example: I don't tolerate disrespect. I don't stay in touch with those who cannot speak respectfully or intelligently. I don't worry about what they call themselves only how they represent themselves. You really only get one chance to make a good impression. Since we are all adults and you should not have to teach common courtesy or politeness it is their job to act like an adult. In the world of Ds where much of our fun activity is dangerous and illegal, it is imperative that your partner and you match in adultness and qualities.

"2. I was speaking to a Dom a few weeks ago (sure he was fake) guess I'll never know. Anyway, he said that a sub with mental health problems wanting a serious D/s relationship is a dangerous game...how true is this?"
.....................
ANYONE with mental health issues that are not being treated is putting themselves and their partners at risk if they engage in dangerous and illegal behaviors. We subscribe to SSC (Safe, SANE, and informed consent) so any aspect of you that prevents that makes your participation void.

However, many see this as foreplay. They spank a little, tie a little, and fuck. Presto Chango they're in a Ds lifestyle. So to them (and their own mental health issues) your issues might not matter.

The behaviors some engage in this lifestyle can be very extreme and can also affect you emotionally and mentally. So to come into those activities compromised with unaddressed issues is foolish and can really cause harm. It also takes a good foundation to navigate this crazy online or real-time world. There is real risk here.

We attract people who like to hurt others, or people so broken that they only feel anything when being hurt. Some think you can avoid therapy by recreating your most horrific experience under the veil of a 'scene'. That is not only not true, but it is reckless.

It is a terrible combination to bring to extreme or risky behaviors. Mental health issues always reduce your ability to know how and when to be careful.

Some will tell you otherwise. I say, there is nothing in your life that can't be better when you are better.

Submission like Dominance demands that we take care of ourselves first and foremost. Not find someone to do that work for us. So if you have something you know you should work on, do that. It is your best hope for a happy relationship and a happy ending.

H*

IowaDom​(dom male) • Sep 12, 2021

Lots of good info here, not sure if I agree on the name part ...lol. Personally, I chose my moniker so peeps could tell exactly what and even in a general sense, where I am. Thought it might make me stand out a bit more to those seeking peeps in my general area.

Now as to instas / fakers & fucktards - the slash ain't no purification beam with instas on the Dom side and purists on the right. There's a reason these look so similar ...

D/s
B/s

Believe you me, there are as many wanna be subs are there are wanna be Doms. But then again, there are some just WAY too good to be true, honest injun, downright EXCELLENT people on here as well! Simplest test imho ..... is he tryin to see inside your mind or get inside your panties? But then again, thats just my pennies worth .... take your time, and get to know those who truly seek to know you.

~ID~

SageFlame​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2021

I would like to address your second question -

Quote "2. I was speaking to a Dom a few weeks ago (sure he was fake) guess I'll never know. Anyway he said that a sub with mental health problems wanting a serious D/s relationship is a dangerous game...how true is this?"

He is speaking from his personal experience. Being a Dom does not mean your able to handle all situations. Most likely he came across a sub he was not prepared to handle and made mistakes. His statement also blame shifts. He used a general term "mental health" and labeled it in a negative light. This is only done out of fear.

In truth, we all have mental health issues. It is part of the human condition. Being aware of your mental health, taking responsibility in caring for your mental health and gaining education on the subject are ways to become confident. Knowledge and understanding are antidotes to fear. Especially when it comes to the fear of mental health issues.

1. His apparent attitude is problematic. I would be wary of someone so fearful of a potential sub sighting mental health as a problem. It speaks to the possibility he does not take responsibility for his part.

2. Engaging with a partner who is not yet aware of nor has the tools to care for their mental health can be done with care or done carelessly. If you jump in without knowing someone this raises the likelihood of difficult problems. Likewise, if you take your time to know the person before the partner it increases the likelihood of a positive experience.

My tip for getting to know a Dom is to ask open ended questions on topics you feel are important. You are more likely to receive authentic responses. This giving insight to the person.

Have fun and grow forward when mistakes are made.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2021

I am addressing question #2.
I would not nor would any other person I know in real life who is serious about the lifestyle scene with or have a relationship with a person with mental health issues.
In fact, I will go so far as to say that the people, however they identify, who slide in dragging their suitcases full of unresolved brokenness just looking for more of the same are the people who anger me and give what it is that we do a bad name.
When I vet someone and I find out their reason for being in this lifestyle is because of prior abuse and/or trauma or some mental health problem, I run fast and far away from that person because they are a danger both to themselves and to me.

YMMV