Romantic feelings in dynamics

Romantic feelings in dynamics

silentnotes​(sub female) • May 29, 2025

So I've gad the issue before that a Dom and I ended a dynamic, because I developed romantic feelings for them. He said he didn't want it, which is fine, it's his decision, yet I wonder how do you deal with this. Did it ever happen to you? Can you prevent developing feelings for someone?

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female)​{Claimed } • May 29, 2025

You don’t have to prevent feelings from being part of your dynamic. It’s perfectly okay to incorporate love into the equation. Some Doms mistakenly think that the presence of feelings makes them less uh “domly”, but that simply isn’t true. So, moving forward I would evaluate a potential partner early on to see if they are willing to also share love into the dynamic.

Steellover​(sub male) • May 29, 2025

At this point, I am looking for a romantic partner as well as a dominant (or to put it more clearly, a romantic partner who is also a dominant.) I enjoy the intensity of submission and kink, but I need romance and love. That's just me though. I've done the submission and had the kink play without the romance, and after a while it wasn't satisfying anymore.

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • May 29, 2025

Some people can compartmentalize and separate "love" and "lust/play" I can to some degree.
I can do it with some and not with others.
Its hard to take someone's "mind, body and soul" and not ..AT LEAST ... care.
I ended my last poly agreement because he needed more from me. He wanted "love" I couldn't give him, at that level he required.
My mind, body and soul belongs to my primary. There is no room for anyone else at that complete level.

I said above, I can do it with some. For myself it's time frames and where and when I see that person. If I see that person strictly in a BDSM sense (the play switch is always on and rarely off) I can cope fine and I find they cope better too. It's just lust and needs. You're a toy used and put back for others (that sounds so horrible in shorthand but it's truthful. Care is present) if I see you as whole person external to scene, we might have issues (again shorthand and more harsh than it sounds)

House Talion​(dom male) • May 29, 2025

Like anything else that might not be mutually consented, you deal.

lunamuse​(sub female) • May 29, 2025

Good evening 🥰

I’d first like to point out, you did not mention if avoiding romantic feelings is something YOU want truly. Are you hoping to avoid them because your experiences have misguided you towards the idea that love, or at the least deep affection, does not belong in a dynamic?

If you don’t want a dynamic built on romance, but rather built on shared fetishes and compatible urges, that’s 100% ok so long as you make it known to others that is your preference. I certainly do not think it’s the norm to wish to avoid the issue entirely. I have certainly met my fair share of Dominants who do not wish to develop both a dynamic and a romantic relationship , but I have never willingly engaged in one where emotions were avoided. Romance has never been a deal breaker. I do think some people draw a line where they will allow romantic feelings to approach, though, and that’s alright too.

With anything in a dynamic, you will have your limits, but please decide for yourself if a romantic partnership is YOUR limit, or someone else’s. If someone else wishes for no feelings, and you know you’re a romantic at heart, for your own sake you should stay clear rather than attempting avoiding your own inevitable heartbreak.

I firmly believe the most stable and empowering dynamics are built on friendship, trust, affection, support, and yes even sometimes love.

Goodluck 🥰

Kelpi • May 30, 2025

I have had several different relationships. I can say that even after looking up what a dynamic was I am not sure how it works in BDSM. Let me be honest I am not sure how it works in any relationship. So having said that. It is not easy to not to let someone in your heart when they are in a relatioship with you no matter what that relationship is. To do it you have to be able to tell yourself no and then harden yourself to not being in love. But before you do that you have to be honest with yourself about what you want. Do you want a dynamic and never know love of do you want someone who you can give your heart to and have them give you theirs?

silentnotes​(sub female) • May 30, 2025

Thank you, yeah I didn't specify because it took me a long time to even know what I wanted. I'm rather romantically involved with someone and the kink part is more added into it than a dynamic without romantic feelings, simply because I had to learn that I have a very hard time not catching feelings in the long run. That's how the whole question came up

JaredMayer​(dom male) • May 30, 2025

Personally I've never agreed with the whole "keep feelings out of the dynamic" thing because I don't even think I could let my sadistic side out fully on someone I didn't have feelings for.

MidSummerDream​(neither female)​{BothHold🗝} • May 30, 2025

Their has to be transparency in getting to know someone feelings , openness , honesty, agree , communication , growing , evolving , hanging out together, either on the phone or going out together. With honesty and respect, not breaking any of your boundaries.

They have no plan or were this is to go that tells you cause know one should lead you on. They should have a plan period why they even talking to you.


Has to Develop some feelings as a connection as semi soft romance is fine at first but if they start it then say no they should be fair with you and not lead you on. Dynamic you need to have feelings soul , connection , mind or its nothing.

It seems this person was pretending Dommer don't worry apon it their are better out there give the time of day just be selective with your time and heart.

Without feelings it would be boring they should probably go back to vanilla.
They should have been upfront and said, hey, I feel we need to take it slow or I am not feeling it. They have to be emotionally invested in you before getting hooked.

Then I ask why are they in the dynamic ? Because its more then sex and getting off that shit gets old. its more of a deeper level of connection built in to something more its has to develop some were. Person needs empathy to understand you with growth and respect.

They did not understand empathy to go further than why you must leave the Poop on the side road get in your carriage keep going.

I know that not all connections are not the same but that is why people have to get to know each other but it takes two to have the feeling not just one but they should have a heart before it getting more been fair just say was not for them but still be gentlemen not make gal feel wronged a grown man would have been upfront and fair not lead you on. Shake hands, say thank you for your time or say like to still be friends.

Feed it with spoo and move on to better things in life to focus on your romance and enchant your life and date it.
Skeletor hates spoo!