Mental illness within the BDSM community

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2019

And sometimes, regulating someone with a mental health issue is beyond our personal control. I am a healthcare professional, and while I do not work with the mentally ill directly, I work in hospitals and I see them go through imaging and other nuclear medicine applications. There are more care choices in mental health than in physical health because of how difficult it can be to care for someone with mental health disorders. Some people need constant care and the world we live in unfortunately does little to accommodate that. There is little mercy, especially in the work place, for mental health disorders. It sounds to me like you did the best you or anyone else would have been able to do by themselves. Sometimes it takes a village, and if you do not have a village to spare, your options become limited.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2019

@"Misterasmodai

White knighting is a problem on here, and often its used to try and suck vunlenerable subs into talking with people they might do better to avoid.

I stand by my first comment those with mental health or trauma issues should stick to getting help from qualified professionals in those areas and not unknowns who may or may not have agendas that will be healthy for them.

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2019

@Dollmaker
I am aware of the potential for misguided intentions and outright exploitation everywhere. I have considered the idea of autonomous responsibility and trusting people to be smart enough to recognize danger and take care of themselves. I realize that this will not always turn out well, but I believe that the benefit of a more cohesive and supportive community is worth the risk.

Neches1836​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2019

I think mental illness and other traumas are best handled by professionals within the medical field.
Partners and families can help in a supportive role. In spite of all this still fall short. My experience taught me this.
Here is an old quote you may know.

Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.

Zedland​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2019

Personally I'd say that the BDSM community attracts more than its fair share of those with problems. But that seems to be the norm for any group labeled deviant by society; whether they be revolutionaries or furries. I'll leave the reasoning behind that to the philosophers.

As for what we, personally, can do when dealing with someone with mental illness. Firstly no matter how great a Dom you are, no matter how thorough you're control, you can not make someone accept help. You cannot force them to go to a shrink or take their pills, they have to want to. I tried once and it ended badly. Really at the end of the day the only thing we can do is listen, be supportive and repeat the old refrain, "maybe you should see a professional.

Well that's my two cents.

wynd​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Sep 27, 2019

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) keeps a directory of kink aware Professionals if anyone needs to find a therapist, psychiatrist or even physician.

http://www.ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/kink-aware-professionals-59776

sweet november​(sub female) • Sep 28, 2019

I haven't looked, but I'm sure there have been studies on this. It might be easier to have study participants now that many aspects of BDSM are not considered a mental health disorder per the DSM5.

Anyway, something to look into.

I have high anxiety

Anxiety/panic disorder...since I was around 12.
For many reasons and would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I believe that there is a lot to the term "sexual healing" but that includes trust...TRUST which is so important in BDSM. so without trust there can be no such intimacy as sexual healing.
Being in control or not in control (consensual) can bring great relief to an anxious mind and calm to a restless spirit. Tears can be shed, laughter can be shared and the most intimate of intimacies can be healing.

This by no means takes the place of seeing a professional and working on oneself!

The problem is when people say "don't talk about it EXCEPT with professionals"

Noooooo........that's isolating. That's shaming. Everyone needs a listening ear.

As far as White Kinghting....a person that does that is contributing to the problem... if I understand the term correctly. Taking advantage of someone who needs real help. Well that's pretty low.



It sounds like the particular sub the OP was taking about has the tools and even, at least, one time, the support.
So she was very aware of doing hurtful things. Mental illness (most) are not excuses to hurt someone like that.


I am sorry you went through that. Sounds like she was self-sabatoging.

We all have issues and things in our life that cause stress or pain etc...
Talking to your partner so they understand and even simple ways to help is a wonderful thing, as long as the partner does not use it against you, as long as you are trying very hard yourself and as long as your partner is willing to go that extra step to help. No matter how small or how big....if they can't they should say upfront.

But to the OP...i am glad that you are able to start over and heal. Focus on You

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Sep 28, 2019

While I do agree that mental illnesses should be treated by a medical professional I also agree that D/s and BDSM plays a very large role in helping me maintain a higher level of mental health.

I have experienced many types of abuse in my life. I won’t discuss the specifics as that’s just not something I’m comfortable with, but I will say that my sorted history with men is the predominant reason I need a Dominant as my partner with power exchange and sadomasochist play as an outlet for my inner turmoil. It’s genuinely not something I can thrive without.

The benefits of an intense impact scene does not replace the time I need to spend with my therapist, but in turn, the time with my therapist does not replace the time I need to spend under the heavy hand of someone I can trust to hurt me but not harm me. Both are absolutely essential to my mental health. They both help me to keep my demons at bay.

Stranger • Sep 28, 2019

Let me just add and say that even professionals in healthcare kill ppl...and some even do it intentionally ....so don't get your panties in a bunch for someone with a nice certificate and job title ...I mean trump is the president of America ...who can't see the point I'm making here must be full stupid. No one can really be trusted at anytime....since all humans have the ability to choose ....choose what they think, say and do or don't ....

Shiruba Doragon​(dom male) • Sep 28, 2019

I was a mental health professional before I retired. My work was predominantly with elderly people who tended to suffer from dementia and/or depression. Only once did I come across a BDSM related case, that of a colleague. In a general discussion within the team I recognised that the relationship between the client and her carer was D/s. The client was beginning to suffer from dementia and the carer (The Dom) did not recognise this. Having pointed out the BDSM aspect of this relationship, my colleague, the caseworker reassessed the case and found that the different view that I had suggested made sense and was able to move the matter forward successfully.
My personal experience is that I suffer from depression, controlled in the main by medication. Initially this was thought to stem from my diabetes but with hindsight I realised that I had been a sufferer since my childhood. I am Dom and the effect that depression has on me is that when I am down I am not really interested in play and not very creative when I do try to push the boundaries. Whether the depression caused the BDSM interest or the BDSM caused the depression I do not know. I suspect that neither case is correct and that I am what I am.