Finding Balance in our Christian home

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 12, 2020

@djinni--

I'm trying my best to figure out what you're trying to say to me here, but honestly, it's difficult.

You start right off angrily denouncing my "constant need to elaborate and evangelize." What could that possibly refer to? I have NO idea.

Then you say that my contribution is "crap." But you don't way why.

Then for some reason you talk at length about your own history of personal hypocrisy. Well, OK. Let's say you're a hypocrite. How does that bolster your argument? And also: How is that in any way MY fault?

The only real criticism of ME that I find anywhere In this tirade of yours is the accusation that I am somehow not allowed to speak about Christianity unless I am a practicing Christian. (By the way, for what little it's worth to me, I am baptized and confirmed in one of the Protestant denominations. And--small world--my Dad grew up as a hillbilly in a religious family in a small town near Knoxville.)

But the fact that I am not as much of a "Christian" as you claim to be does not mean I cannot have an opinion on the subject. We are ALL allowed to have opinions about anything and everything in the world. If somebody told you differently, they were lying to you.

notavanilla • Feb 12, 2020

We have some interesting replies to this discussion and we really went on a completely different tangent that didn't really touch on the OP's original question or statement.
Let analyze this a little.
We have a woman married to a husband ( male ). With this we have a woman that is dominating her husband. The husband consents to this and the woman does not object to this. However this is a 24/7 relationship and the woman is having a hard time existing with a submissive 24/7 as her husband. She in ways is saying she wants her man to be a man at least part of the time. To be the head of the household at times.

OP, am I off on this assessment?

It seems that he is the kinky one and that you the woman just does this to please her husband or are you getting something out of the domination that you want?

Curious

notavanilla

Re: Finding Balance in our Christian home

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Feb 29, 2020

What sort of aftercare system do you have set up for yourself? I understand that bottoms and submissives tend to have aftercare plans, but folks rarely talk about dominants and tops having them. Aftercare is meant to try to balance out post-scene drop, so perhaps you need your own aftercare plan?

If you don’t already partake in your local kink community, it could be worth your while to find groups or gatherings that have similar themes - Christian part-time male / Female couples. This may help:

http://findamunch.com/
http://findamunch.com/newcomer-tip/

Between the possibility local mentors or just suggestions for your own aftercare, it could be worth a peek.

Good luck, however you decide to proceed.

notavanilla • Mar 2, 2020

I am a switch. If I partake in either dom/sub I am not condemned by God if I do it with a mate that I am married to ( * if I have penetrative sex ). If I don't demean or degrade the other partner. I have brought up some of this in a discussion called Kinky Christians. I advise a few of you to look it up. On the matter of 24/7/365 submission/slavery just allows for one mate to " control " the other. Maybe this is desired but I personally would encourage the woman in this relationship to switch and when she does ( if possible ) then she is starting to open the door to her man being the man in this relationship, this sexual relationship.
Give this a try and see if you can get a little more male out of him. If he demands submission only then where are you with your demands? Your the dominant so press on this a little and he most likely will wake up. He may vehemently refuse. Stick to your guns and you will at least get him to wear the pants at least part of the time.

You will also learn a lot about where he is at with submission and you will also learn where you are at with it. Steer him into switching and see where this goes. Give it a little time and see if you can somehow make this work. Sure YOU have to submit but if he and other women can do this then you can too. Was the last decision you made was to not ever make another decision? If this did not happen then you can be flexible to the idea and HE CANNOT CONDEMN YOU WITHOUT CONDEMNING HIMSELF.

Figure it out.

notavanilla

IowaDom​(dom male) • Mar 3, 2020

The the OP - pardon my lengthy reply, did my best to keep is short.

As I grew, my parents divorced at a very young age for me. My parents changed and changed and changed churches... As a result, religiously speaking....

1. Baptized Catholic, attended Catholic School k-3
2. Became Lutheran
3. Became Baptist
4. Became Methodist
5. Became Charismatic Christian
6. Became Southern Baptist
and finally ...
7. Became me.

I say became me, because I still consider myself a Christian, but my relationship with the almighty is on a personal level, not subject to the judgement, input, or criticism of people leading churches or dictating religious doctrine. The things the Bible cannot tell you are the things that did not exist when it was being written between 3500 BC and 95 AD. Add to that the many revisions, rewrites, and out and out removal of some material done by the Church of England, AND the Roman Catholic Church, and you actually have a somewhat sterilized for the masses document.

So I decided to keep my faith, and make my relationship a personal one. And in all my studies and experience, never in the Bible do I see the almighty as a judgmental overlord, casting people who are different for any reason into hell or anything like it, but quite the contrary, We see a savior in the New Testament that embraces all people, and seeks to unify the followers with a couple simple requirements for salvation that I will not debate here.

But it cannot address things that were not in mainstream society as it was written. The internet, Planes, Nuclear bombs, a tank, air conditioning, even a ball point pen could not have been described by the people who wrote the Bible with any accuracy. So, IMHO to state that a loving God would not want you happy, not to fulfill each other, to complete each other, to establish your union with him coming first in all things, is not the God I have come to know. That doesn't mean anything goes, it means temper yourselves within the restrictions you are already familiar with (hint: there are 10) You have never read Jesus busting into a bedroom to tell em how he wants it! And if he had wanted that, wouldn't he have done it?

It does not matter who is Dom and who is Sub in the parlor, it matters what you believe, and follow as you lead your life. The Bible does not have a single chapter dedicated to what is and is not supposed to be the private life between a married couple, try to avoid writing a new one on the subject would be my advice. Sorry for the long reply, but it was the best I could do.

~ID~

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Mar 3, 2020

IowaDom that was beautiful. Thank you.

Rainydaze​(switch male) • Mar 3, 2020

Hi Dear. You are very passionate and genuine about what you want . I’m sorry that your husband is too submissive. Maybe try another guy for a while. If he is o.k. With that. Make him be a cuckhold and watch you do another guy or girl if you prefer. That will make his balls jump a little more for you. Get his testosterone flowing some more. You are well balanced for sure. Nothing wrong with that at all. You need dominance and submission. Again it’s a balance. Find a slave not quite as submissive. That might dominate you a little and still be your little slut when you want it your that way. For your sake. Again you are perfectly balanced it isn’t you . just your partner. Nice heels 👠 you have . Tease and then deny him a little more. make him want you in a dominant way. You will get it out of him eventually . Every man has balls , no matter what. Just work them out of him. Keep up the genuine attitude and passion. Don’t ever loose that.

Dear​(dom female){{Joshua My} • Mar 3, 2020

Hi there.
to answer your question. No, I have been in the lifestyle for years... so it’s not that he’s the kinky one. Although I have never had a dynamic like this. And the nerves have since passed. 😃

Dear​(dom female){{Joshua My} • Nov 30, 2020

However this is a 24/7 relationship and the woman is having a hard time existing with a submissive 24/7 as her husband. She in ways is saying she wants her man to be a man at least part of the time. To be the head of the household at times.

OP, am I off on this assessment?

It seems that he is the kinky one and that you the woman just does this to please her husband or are you getting something out of the domination that you want?

Hi there, I apologize that it’s been so long in my response, life and all. Lol. Thank you for your question but your assessment is incorrect. Firstly, I think my question stemmed from me being worried about what people would have said in my church if outed. Which seams stupid not but is what it was. Secondly, I am absolutely the one who brought this lifestyle into our relationship. I have been a Domme for over 18 years and I don’t feel whole without it. I just think that I cared about what others think about me too much. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Tthomas • Nov 30, 2020

Dear,

If I am reading this wrong please let me know.
If you are the Dom and husband is the sub how can he be head of the household?

I am a Christian and your circumstance is not as unusual as you think. Many men lead the household by recognizing
that their spouse is a better leader. Sometimes they are better only in certain areas. Sometimes in all areas.
Although most times in public the husband will assume that persona so he will retain respect from other that do not understand.