How did you discovered you were a sub/dom/switch ?

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 9, 2020

Dommed. And I liked it.

Subbed. And I liked it.

Comic Gurl​(sub male) • Apr 19, 2020

Oh I know this, you will maybe find this to informal, so yea no worries =3

Before I say anything, I did try to Dom a few times online, I liked the ideas just got bored of doing it, I never found commanding people fun, I just liked the idea of seeing my ideas play out. That is all I really have honestly as far as Doming is concern, ideas mostly ideas I want to see or do myself, LOL

As for being a slave, well let's say it all started when I was... around 10, maybe 8... let's say 10 for now. I wanted to be Robin, not for any real reason like he is good or anything, I liked his outfit ( Burt Ward Robin) and I liked the idea of him getting tied up and in some comics beaten (other robins) I then later on like Ranma 1/2 because he can turn into a female. So later on around age 19 I looked into BDSM and liked it, thinking I was a Dom type, got really bored doing that, I just did not like controlling others, I always liked being told what to do and liked being told I did good. I can be in charge just not all the time, maybe I would make a great #2 or so just never a leader. So after some time I just figured I want to be a slave this maybe around age 21. I also wanted to be a female, just did not see it was possible at that time, everything I saw the trans did not look great and I was discourage. I wish I never was. Over time I just mostly learned and try to find my path. I did have a job at a porn shop, that helped some, not tons. Mostly I been trying to find an Owner that will last long, and that brings me here, so ELLO!!!! (It's hello without the Hell)

SSG{ENM-TLP} • Apr 20, 2020

I was in a long term relationship with a man who is a natural dominant. It was obvious I was a natural submissive. I absolutely LOVED how I felt with him. (Damn unavailable people.) I would still be with him today if he had been available. That experience gave me an insatiable hunger for this life. I stumbled into a BDSM community YEARS ago, which gave me a little direction; however, at the time, I was married to a vanilla guy with zero interest. I denied that part of my life for nearly 20 years until my current husband and I decided to become ethically non-monogamous. As soon as we made the decision, my first statement was that I would be looking for a dom. I learned after my first two attempts that I was indeed "little" and in need of a "Daddy," which makes total sense when thinking back to that first natural dominant experience. I have no plan to be without this life again and will eventually be with my DD 24/7 (when he finds me and we work toward that mutual goal together).

LordofPain56 • Apr 20, 2020

Well, as a kid, you don't really look at yourself and try to fit yourself into some category right? But looking back, I can see that was never something that started at some point. I was a dominant personality as far back as I can remember even in childhood, just never realized that meant it fit into some kind of category. Frankly, I never cared that I fit into any category. I am who God made me and He made me this way for a reason. That is all that counts.
As far as when I realized that I was a sadist, although at the age of 16 and didn't know anything about sex and didn't care either, nor did I know or care about any perverse proclivities that people can have, it wasn't until I was at a late night drive-in movie. I was with two friends from high school and we just pulled in there. Didn't know what the movie was or anything about it. But it turned out to be an R-rated Roman Empire torture and martyrdom flick in which lots of pretty naked girls were hung by their wrists, whipped, impaled and crucified. You can guess my reaction, but after it was over, we left and I forgot about it and dismissed it, since I knew that it would be far down the road before I would be ready to date, since I had plans to focus solely upon my career and didn't want any distractions.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 20, 2020

I was afraid after a traumatic interaction with someone. A man I trusted allowed me the time and leeway to take complete control and find my comfort and safety again. I did everything from refusing to let him touch me with unrestrained hands to tying him up and driving him crazy with visual and sensation stimulus. It resulted in me being able to give back control to him and slowly submit to things that had been triggers for me. It was therapeutic for me and kept me from turning into someone who couldn't stand to be touched.

YaGottaBeKittenMe​(sub female){Daddy} • Apr 20, 2020

Had my first inkling 20 years ago, when I fell into bed with a friend of a friend. He must have seen it in me because he told me how he's always fantasized about rape roleplay. The thought of that absolutely exhilarated me, but we never got to try it out. Now all these years later, I'm finally exploring what he saw all those years ago, and discovering more every day. My trigger was reading a blog on another site that a Dom had written. He described a scene where he had completely dominated a woman mentally and physically. I was desperate to be that woman, and down the rabbit hole I went.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 20, 2020

i think Dom/switch (versatile)/sub is a combination of nature and nurture, that it is part of our nature, but can definitely be nurtured and grow, or neglected and starve.

i didn't assign the word "sub" to myself until maybe 10 years ago, but i can trace my sub nature back to childhood, even though i didn't understand it, know what to call it or know how to live with it. As a kid, growing up in a religious culture that told me being gay is broken and sick, i learned how to hide early on. i also believed what i was taught, and thought i needed to change or be cured.. to at least resist who i am.

It took a long time and lots of processing, but coming to a place of self acceptance wasn't my discovery of who i am, more my acceptance. i "discovered" who i am early on, but my cultural notions kept me from understanding myself or openly exploring and discovering.

Looking back i can see how i had crushes on Dom Boys as a kid. Of course, they didn't know what Dom was any more than i knew what sub was, but that didn't keep us from acting out of our natures. i remember at about 8 years old being at Danny's house, a neighbor Boy i had a unconscious crush on ("unconscious" because boys didn't have 'crushes' on Boys). Looking back we had a sort of connection and we could both tell there was something at some level, though we didn't understand what was happening. One day, while at HIs house, He took me into His bathroom and showed me an enema nozzle. He had this lust and sparkle in HIs eyes as He described to me what it was for and how it was used. i had remembered seeing ours at home, but didn't know what it was. As soon as i got home, i found our enema nozzle and found our vaseline and lubed it as He had described and slid it into my rectum imagining what He had told me. i became anally obsessed and started putting anything i could find in there when thinking of Him, then later, other Boys... but that's a tangent lol.

Looking back, i had several Boy friends and all of them had Dom traits, and i sub, when i look back at our friendships... they were the beginnings of living out my sub nature, and likely their living out their Dom. i went the way of religion and trying to de-gay myself for a long time, married a woman, went through conversion therapy. After coming out the other side, divorce, self acceptance, losing religion... i again was able to put words to who and how i am.

my sub nature has always been there, but i think discovery of what that means (for all of us) is a life long process. i think we discover and understand ourselves through a combination of introspection and relationship with others.

petiteluna​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2020

I think I’ve never been a domineering person, I like to accommodate and let others make the decision. And especially having a partner tell you exactly what to do, was always thrilling. Like a lot of people have said, I think it’s part personality.
I’ve only been in one serious relationship and he happened to have some dominant traits (but def not a Dom), but I always felt like it needed to go that one bit further. Thinking about it would always excite me. From there I started to research into the D/s lifestyle.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • May 19, 2020

I like to be in authority in my romantic and service relationships.

It started by me leading the way in life and naturally being a leader honing my communication skills and becoming more self aware. I figured I manage me then learn to manage others.

I loved tying up boyfriends with silk scarves and tormenting them but it never felt enough.

I was invited to a private BDSM party and brought my cane and a room full of willing bottoms awaited me.
I was home and still enjoy caning a derriere.

I am an experienced Dominant Sadist Woman this means I utilise pain to adjust the flow of control I have over a person's mind with their enthusiastic consent.

I prefer live in TPE which I refer to as an Active Control Framework Relationship because we discussed at the beginning how we each saw a typical day in the relationship style we wanted and over time honed that so I could glean a daily working schedule. We then both consented to my long term plan and schedule which also includes table time so we can go over any issues.

I like holding the reins.

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am

Thinking Naughty​(dom male) • May 19, 2020

I am probably not alone in having spent many years feeling bad about the things that aroused me. It was always the images of a woman with her eyes down cast or in a vulnerable position. I used to berate myself for preferring the images where she looked "unhappy" until I realized that it wasn't about unhappiness. On the contrary I only enjoy degrading her, or controlling her, or hurting her, or even watching her tears if I know that she is as turned on as I am. So my realization was a very long slow journey until it wasn't, when all the loose pieces and experiences suddenly fit together in a way I could not have seen coming.

And the catalyst was a literal slap in the face.

Hers.

And yes she liked it.