“I am a brat and a bit of a handful”

spaceprincess​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2021

I totally agree with SBD, being a brat does not mean being disrespectful and rude

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jan 25, 2021

Make the best from the worst.

A brat is simply someone that has yet to understand the joys of full obedience. There are very flirty and tense ways to be obedient while still maintaining the firmness.

Brats struggle. Deep down, we all aim to please. But "force" can be a good thing. Some people can pretend it's not, but who's deciding that? With what? Did they ask?

Force doesn't mean "Grab a baseball bat". It simply means "Using force to quickly change a situation". It can work wonders. Resolve many situations where people struggle.

The main issue with a brat... Is that they tend not to think. They turn off their mind. This can be a good thing at times, but if it's EVERY time? With NO reflection before/after? That's willingly choosing ignorance. If a brat is like that, my alarm bells are ringing. Because they don't even know themselves if they don't even consider why. If someone shows they think/consider, then it can be addressed.

Brats can also be "assholes". Meaning they can mock you and talk down on you. If they show they have a brain, I'll look past it. But if all I'm seeing is a lack of consideration and not even trying to think, then that's just going to make the situation more volatile because I push for answers. No one gets away without being an idiot. And if they refuse to listen, then can't make them. But they bring it on themselves if they don't even think at all.

Wonder how many brats are brats because they willingly choose ignorance? If it's more "Habit" and not intended, I can understand that. But choosing to be an idiot? Yea, not standing for that. It puts others in danger as well as themselves. Not even kidding.

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Jan 31, 2021

It's only fun when you throw a party with brats! Won't be able to choose who to spank! Depends on luck... Brats on tricycles! Awesome!

But only if I'm hanging out with them...

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jan 31, 2021

My response on a different website about the Brat perspective.
.......
Somewhere along the way, bratty behavior became a thing. I personally frown on it because my experience with it is:

* It's a control tactic or a test/manipulation for the top to prove himself. I detest that stuff.
* Bratty behavior often takes the place of real communication.
* It attracts top types who are not tops or Doms but just people who really enjoy hurting others. And that happens a lot.
* I believe you do yourself a huge disservice and miss a lot of the finesse and nuance of power exchange by defaulting to being a brat.
* There are people who act out or are, frankly, obnoxious and they toss a title on that and the whole world is supposed to accept it. But the whole world doesn't. And you lose out on quality people when you became too much work to be around.
* It's often born out of frustration or fear and neither is an ideal way to begin a journey such as this. Now fear is a huge issue. Fear of giving yourself away to the wrong person. Or a weak person. It often hinges on old business and can have deep roots.

People of my generation learned about spanking from John Wayne movies where the woman was strong, fierce, stubborn, and defiant (but always wrong in her assumptions. The writers made sure of that.) And he was patient to a point and then finally threw her over his knee and spanked her. Whalla! She sees the light, realized he IS the best man for her and they kiss... fade to commercial.

But that is not what we do here. Or rather, what many of us do. If we want to be spanked, we ask for it. Maybe, just maybe we joke a little or tease but bratting is not joking or teasing.

Finally, When certain behavior is tiresome and constant people stop seeing the person. Instead, they see the behavior. So the guy who is always drunk might have something of great value to say but it will be missed because all the people see is 'that drunk' again.

So too is it true for brats, abrasive people, demanding/needy people, etc.

I am feisty, fun, unpredictable, but also submissive, serious, etc. So because I am well-rounded people get to know all of me, and if we're joking around that is fine. But I know when to not joke around. Brats don't seem to have that.

My experience with them is that they are one-dimensional. They use being a brat to cover up other issues that need attention. The fighting, resisting, being difficult, and a lot of work is not typically how people who embrace submission see it. They see games and headaches and there is nothing inspiring about that.

You cannot drag someone kicking and screaming into submission. That is diametrically opposed to the essence of submitting.

I've had more than a few brats reach out to me for mentoring back when I did that. I always declined because they want help being better brats not being submissive or even understanding the submissive mindset. And those who think you can jump from brat to slave? That never really works out for them.

Be true to yourself but I suggest you look deeper and find out not only who you are wired to be but who you wish to be. It all takes self-growth and time. I know many these days want to change what that word means and will argue it isn't a rude or disrespectful persona. But you need to realize that those brats who went before you were rude and a pain in the ass. So that particular word is not your friend. Acceptance and understanding are not your god-given right. Call yourself a brat and some will judge that based on old experiences with other brats.

I don't judge anyone for being a brat but as a person with many miles in on her journey, I DO know how much longer it will take them with that label on their backs.

I think self-declared brats deserve better.

A guy wrote to me the other day. His intro? I LOVE being tested every day by my slave. Personally, I don't see that as submission and when it becomes my job to keep him entertained every day then it is not a power exchange dynamic. Power Exchange is a shared experience not one feeding off the other. It also makes me wonder how long before he grows bored with this slave and moves on.

We have self-identified brats out there. If it works for them, I don't give it much thought. But when they come to me I caution them. There are few Tops of any title with their shit together who want to work to drag you into obedience. And I suspect that if you were the Top of any title, you'd need to reconsider having a brat always pushing back at you.

The others? they, like you, want to win the battle. Some want to win so badly they will crush you to do it. We see the posts and aftermath of women who trusted them.

Being strong, feisty, funny, and quick-witted are traits I've seen in many s types I've been friends with in real-time for decades. Many of them had very healthy and happy relationships. I have not known many self-proclaimed brats who boast of longtime healthy and happy relationships. I'm sure they are out there, but I see many more with sad stories to tell. In the end? It is up to them to equate their behavior with that of the person who hurt them.

But before you bet it all on that one title. Maybe think about your better parts that drive you to surrender to a partner. All I'm saying.

H*

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Jan 31, 2021

Wow! Hushy! I'm gonna accuse you of kink shaming! Disrespect! And shame on you! You are really after me aren't you!?

Go fuck somebody who can teach you respect! I don't have time for your crude insults! Shitty attitude! And bullcrap!

Fuck off and respect us you bitch!

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jan 31, 2021

Quirkyrebel​(sub female)

Wow! Hushy! I'm gonna accuse you of kink shaming! Disrespect! And shame on you! You are really after me aren't you!? Go fuck somebody who can teach you respect! I don't have time for your crude insults! Shitty attitude! And bullcrap!
Fuck off and respect us you bitch!
...............
Quirky you have something unhelpful to say any time a more experienced person posts. Clearly, you have no real experience in this realm. There is not one word of shaming in that post. Nor was not directed at you since it isn't even your thread. This is a general public discussion. And since I've been doing this real-time longer than You have been alive and mentoring newer subs for the latter half of that time, there is no way your opinion matters.

Right now a lot of people are doing online things. Very safe. You can always log off. But some will go real-time when they can and the brat behavior puts them at greater risk.

And just because someone doesn't think everything you do or say is golden, does not make it shaming. People are allowed to disagree.

This isn't Snapchat. Stop assuming we're all focused on YOU and stop overreacting to everything people say. You're ridiculous. Knock it off.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jan 31, 2021

spaceprincess​(sub female)

I totally agree with SBD, being a brat does not mean being disrespectful and rude

...........................
I'd love to hear from anyone who considers themselves a brat. How do you define that?
What behaviors do you enjoy that you think are bratty?
What is your experience in how others respond to your brat?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 5, 2021

While I agree that Subhush is indeed assuming too much (got my own issues with them frankly), do you really think stooping to insults and being demanding is going to help?

If they're kink shaming, say with what. And ask why. Discuss context. And talk about "This makes makes me happy and why do you assume/worry about the worst". etc.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Feb 5, 2021

Taramafor​(sub male)

Quirkyrebel wrote:

While I agree that Subhush is indeed assuming too much (got my own issues with them frankly), do you really think stooping to insults and being demanding is going to help?
.........

The only assumptions here belong to the two of you. Quirky, a 19 yr old, thinks her acting out is garnering her any worth at all.

And your assumption that someone with 23 years of real-time experience doesn't know what they are talking about.

Do not confuse a difference of opinion to mean that you are right.

A difference of opinion and the incredible lack of experience quirky has in no way makes my response kink-shaming. If it strikes a nerve in either of you, go do some soul searching.

However, you both shaming someone who knows more than you IS shaming. You don't get to shame others and bitch about them shamming you.

RedKat{Not now } • Feb 5, 2021

Yes, SBD, while I have been working on myself, I have learned that I am part bratty...so far anyway...it’s been interesting.