About one's virtues and traits.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 15, 2021

You mention conflict. What if I said conflict can be a good thing? If for example I'm more confident in my claims when I believe someone tells me something that isn't true then I'm sticking to my guns until my side of the story is known (how else can you cross reference?) Those that ask questions and make an effort to understand realise things aren't as "presumptuous" as they may have previously assumed. What's presumptuous is a closed mind that never refused to consider the possibility. Being egotistic in and itself doesn't have to be an issue (confidence is a good thing). But it most certainty can be if someone never considers any viewpoint other then their own. There's a certain type of egomaniac I'm trying to recall but I forgot. Some people will never even want to hear any other opinion that doesn't align with their own and fear losing control to the extent they shut communication down and are what they complain about. Doms desire control. So if you see anyone playing the "I assume and let's never talk about anything" card then look out for that. The difficulty here isn't in the conflict. It's in even getting a word in at all.

A day of conflict and working things out is always going to be better then the long term conflict that stems from deaf ears and turned backs. The longer it drags out the more harm/damage it causes.


Number only factors in so much. But let's get one thing clear here. We all learn from others. The experiences we have now is because of our interactions with others. It's more about "patterns" then "people" though. Such as making it about awareness and honesty. There's certain "tricks" to it. State the situation for what it is without constantly justifying it for example. Straight answers first and foremost (and if you don't get those you're in trouble. I can guarantee it). It's easier to calm a sub (make that person) down and focus on fun interactions when you simply go "This is the situation you're in. Even if you said I can't, I did". As a very basic example. Concern yourself with wherever it's liked or not after the situation is accepted for what it is. But until you accept the situation for what it is you're either ignorant or in denial. The longer that happens the less fun there is. Because it's impossible to move forward without acceptance of the situation.

Focus more on context and how you can learn from what others have done. It's that simple. I have to concern myself with others at times because the simple fact of the matter is this. We all circle back on each other. Misinterpretation and assumptions born from rumours and ignorance is only going to lead to misunderstandings.


Maybe you can elaborate? Perhaps you mean people that never have a doubt or concern make things easy right away. Which I would be in agreement with. But even then there had to be a "Hey, what do we enjoy." Simply put nothing is going to happen if you don't approach them. Furthermore what if you judge a book by it's cover when you SEE a star? Cus some people pull the "good guy" act and then burn you. Reverse logic can also apply. What might seem like a monster might be, well, Beauty's beast. Is a fitting enough analogy I think. That's why I'm an honest monster. But at least you know I won't bullshit you or lie to your face.

Dragonlove​(sub female) • Apr 16, 2021

River, we've talked before and you really come across as experienced and confident and not arrogant and boastful. You really have nothing to worry about.

Mister Ash and Miki both put it really well. There isn't a specific "way". It is more of a feel. The biggest thing is not focusing solely on yourself when talking.

I love the way Iowa put it. Very spiritual and kind of inspiring to be honest!

LordofPain56 • Apr 18, 2021

How one "comes off" to the reader shouldn't be a consideration for revealing character traits in ones profile as long as the list is complete and honest to a fault, in my view. In other words, the author should do a thorough personal inventory first and list each trait regardless of whether or not he thinks the traits are good or bad. Some traits can be good or bad depending upon what the reader wants. For example, some girls prefer stoicism while others would rather have a more sensitive connection with her man.
If the intent is to spawn a serious relationship, this process should not be a one-way street. Both partners should submit an honest list of character traits (not necessarily in their profile, but in private prior to beginning a relationship).
In ancient times, when I had a more detailed profile, I did include a list of all my character traits in it and never gave it a second thought. I didn't care how it "came off", and now I couldn't care less if it says anything, since I have no expectations anything will come of it.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 18, 2021

This can be a double edged sword. To quote someone I know "We don't always get what we want." The question is do you get what you NEED? It's also a question of wherever the ends justify the means. Which might make sense only in hindsight at times.


Ah, but what if people aren't looking for relationships? I find this to be MUCH more problematic. Simply put, they tend to be more selfish.

What makes things more serious then they need to be is the lack of communication sooner rather then later. Think of it this way. Want to have a year of misunderstandings or get through it in about a week and focus on the good things after improving interactions with each other? Could even be sooner if someone is more on the ball already.

In truth you're in a relationship with someone the moment you interact with them. You affect them. They affect you. Someone might think "This is best" (often an excuse to be selfish/unfair/one sided). When they never even asked or checked in. And that always ends up being a clusterfuck. Maybe it's not discovered today. Maybe not next week. It could take years to find out you could have just checked in more with each other.

Straight answers, asking, checking in. It seems simple. Hell, it IS simple. So when someone can't even give straight answers or try to find out instead of judging then I take those as indicators. Which I'll correct if detected.

Some people take offence to being corrected though. Act like they have to be in the right. Red flag there. Not the end of the world. But someone like that is more difficult. Some people are quite reasonable and enjoy doing things they thought they might not though. Even if they didn't understand at first. And when you push for that understanding, when you get someone to consider things, you know you made the results happen. There's a sense of achievement there.

Could get rocky when you talk about the serious stuff. It just happens. Accept it. There's no way around it, there's no avoiding it (unless you're a coward that can't handle finding out the truth. Being blunt). Therefore I treat it like a ship in rocky shore. Is it rocky at first? Yes. Of course it is. Who doesn't have concerns/flaws here? But once navigated you get to the open sea and it's smooth sailing. Though this is pretty much dependent on wherever the two people involved can get straight answers from each other.

I think if there's one trait I developed that got me to be more understanding, it's to not fear the unknown. The "seemingly scary" when in reality it's just misunderstood. I'm pretty sure this is why I make it about what isn't known. Bunnie will understand the concept better then others I think. Being someone that explored out of their comfort zone to actually find out instead of assuming/fearing the worst. Context also a factor. How things are done. etc.

Conclusion: People often assume their own comfort zones when they don't understand/didn't consider enough outside of what they know alone. You can only really misunderstand others if you misunderstand yourself. I know the assumptions of others aren't true. Those assumptions in turn must have come from somewhere. If someone is afraid of you, you likely gave them every reason to be. Doesn't matter who was first or second. What matters is that if you're the reason someone is afraid then you did or said something to spark that. Probably something like "I'll just see the worst and never ask or try to understand". When you made it about yourself and your own deep rooted trust issues.

This brings us to one key trait. How many people talk about what they don't like with a more open mind? Pretty deciding factor IMO.

Zedland​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2021

As to River's question I think as long as you mean what you say and mean what you say it is fine. If its bullshit people will rapidly figure that out. If its not they'll see that as well. And if they can't be bothered to distinguish the two, fuck 'em.

Unfortunately for them not literally...

IowaDom​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2021

I mean we are best known and judged by our works and deeds, be that in vanilla life, work, love, kink, or death. Words are cheap, and easily manipulated. Regardless of what anybody claims to be, their actions will show the truth in time. All too frequently those who boast of their own greatness, or seek to convince us of it, are simply full of shit to put it bluntly. So if you want to attract people to you of a kind feather, do it via your actions and deeds, not words.