How to recognise a Dom and show I’m a sub

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 24, 2021

Bunnie
"Keep in mind that just because someone may show characteristics of being a Dom, they still may not necessarily be ready to be, or recognize in themselves, that they are a Dom."
..........
There are also dominant vanilla men who have no interest in kinks or fetishes.

They can be boring in bed. Simple in their view of life and still have the dominance you will see or sense.

A lot of people like to play at being 'turned' by some kinky person when they were vanilla. But we have rules about non-consensual exposure to kink. People are supposed to provide informed consent to what we bring. So forget the hidden under that suit is a kink-driven Dominant powerhouse myth.

Just socializing and meeting people who claim to be dominant or submissive does not mean they are, or that they are as you would measure it. And be careful of helpful Doms who want to train you and mentor you.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 24, 2021

(snip)

Ohh come on.. That's easy peasy! Have a tee shirt printed up with a good hairy ass on it with the caption:

"Hi!! I'm Just Another Face in the Crowd But I Wanna Spank Yours!" and wear it to the munches once we get past this COVID horseshit.

Nothing says "dominant tendencies" like a tee shirt, or better yet a "wife beater" tank adorned with a rendition of a buff pair of (optionally) hairy Neanderthal man buns, and a caption suggesting the wearer wants to spank the ass of (prospective sub name here)

Just make sure that picture isn't better looking than your regular face.

*****

In all seriousness, but especially in the element where freaks are in abundance, I wear a nice mid thigh leather skirt, occasionally with fishnet stockings, ordinary white blouse with a couple of the top buttons undone and a nice black 2 inch wide choker.

They figure I'm a maso-girl at least, a hungry sub at worst. The latter notion I dispose of once a convo starts.

SugarCookie​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2021

This is totally the margaritas idea: call out Marco and see if anyone replies with Polo.

Sasa​(dom female) • Apr 27, 2021

In my case, when I go fishing in the vanilla pond there is always a man who likes it and want to try something new. Could be the same for others. A long-term partner ... think about how difficult it can be to find someone who fits, if you leave the kink outside. It is never simple even if we could recognize them. I would put the fun and sex aside ... those are nice but minor issues. What matters is the whole personality. We don't choose anyone by hair color either ... 😉 or at least we shouldn't. Why can't some people find a partner? Maybe some of their expectations doesn't exist. It is ok to be picky but it might help yourself to know what you want, no matter in which pond you fish. Good luck for you.

LordofPain56 • Apr 30, 2021

All I can tell ya is that if you passed me on the street, you'd never guess I was a Dominant. But maybe if you followed me around a little while and watched me, you would detect certain things that most people would agree are dominant traits.
I certainly do not look the part of the stereotypical Dom.

Maxorde{Not lookin} • Apr 30, 2021

All you have to go on is time and watching and eventually asking. The only way to know for sure. I worked in a building with two sub women and they had no clue until I referenced one of them calling me daddy...I said I save that for my littles. They almost fell over. There is really no way to tell until he says something

MasterDomDok​(sadist male){you?} • Apr 30, 2021

I have gone and followed up on the BDSM Triskelion and was very pleased with the whole website. A Jeweler involved in the game has gone to great lengths to concoct a wearable bit that hides under the radar, but screams out 'BDSM' like a NRA hat does for a rifleman.

https://fetjeweller.com/pages/about-the-bdsm-triskelion

Very understated, very specific, very easy to spot a look-a-like wannabe once you study the real thing.

I intend to get one as soon as I have some jewelry cash to drop.

Meanwhile, I think I'll start wearing a nice bit of rope for a bracelet. For a guy, it ought to get a stare or two, and I have no backoff on chatting up staring wenches. Keep your eyes peeled, subs.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Jan 30, 2022

To be honest, I have met more kinky, dominant men in my every day life over the years then I have ever met through a website.

I couldn't tell you how it happens though. They just seem to be drawn to me and I to them. I have met men at work, the grocery store and even the library!
If I ever figure it out, I will let ya'll know.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Feb 2, 2022

I just wanted to add this bit of advice because ( from personal experience) it is important.

Be very careful who you discuss bdsm with. There are a lot of people who will appear to be genuine, loyal friends who you can trust until they aren't anymore.
If you aren't very careful, people you never thought would stick a knife in your back will drag your reputation through the mud and then set it on fire.
One from personal experience.

Good luck out there.

Gaiawolf​(sub female){RogueWolf} • Feb 3, 2022

I am submissive to my core. But to see me at work or with my adult kids you would never know. I am loud and brash and completely unapologetic in my manners.
Yet around my Daddy I am a totally different person. My focus is on him, my moves reflect I am watching for signs and cues from him. Now I am still loud and brashish, but within the limits I know are acceptable to him. He knows for my job and around family who are aware of my kink side but don't want to see it, I have to be that other take charge person.

So no, day to day interactions may not show you what you think you are seeing.