How does one find a female dom?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 21, 2023

And two examples of what not to do, on this thread, behave like a lazy super thirsty ...... and jump onto someone else's thread.

Now to the OP..

The bad news is the percentage of female dominants is small, there are more pros out there (who may or may not be an actual dom, more likely a service top) fewer pro/life stylers and even fewer lifetstyle dommes. The net is awash with super thirsty, fantasist, wanabe male subs, so anyone wanting to actually stand out should be the very opposite of these other wanabe horn balls.

As said above fill your profile in, blank drops you into a huge pool of lazy wanabes whom only attract scammers, who will seek to milk and use the thirst. Take part on the site, but not as the type who jumps into the chat room going me me please me miss, or starts calling people mistress, goddess etc, or does the same on threads like this, or seeks to thrust your kinks like a shopping list onto someone, either in a thread like this, in dms, or the chat room. All that says is I want a vending machine, not a human being.

Be genuine, relaxed, kind, interesting etc, be your true human self, and that will attract someone, but you will, unless you are very lucky need to be patient, as it may take time, even, and I hate to say this years, if at all. That is the reality, there are simply way too many male subs looking for dommes and there are very much fewer of them.

Use the time to learn, to read books, go to classes and events with no expectation except to learn, trust me the person there to learn and not horn on to, or be a creeper will stand out. Spending time learning about the kink world, the activities etc does not require anyone, much can be learnt solo. By doing so you will find out more about yourself and what you might like. As said above going to munches and being seen to be not a horn dog, will go far, you never know who you might stand out to, but if don't go, you will never know.

Good luck.

I'mME • Jan 25, 2023

Pacific wonder,

What are you taking applications for?

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 25, 2023

You guys who just post "I am looking for a domme" -are missing the point.

First, this is not a dating/hookup site per se. It does, however have a Personals section where you should post your interests and so forth. You stand a better chance of getting a response than posting what you are seeking on a forum thread or even on your profile.

Also as writen above, excise the kink from your approach. You want to be seen as a person first.

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It's also a lot different/more difficult for "Men seeking" than "women seeking" due to the lopsided ratio,

For example I could, hypothetically edit my profile and put "Looking to meet a dominant who would own and train me to obey" and I am fairly certain my inbox would be blown to little pieces in less than a day. ----Not that I'm any great shakes, rather, because there are (averaged out and over multiple personals sites) 9 dudes looking for every one woman who is available.

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Of course that only applies to hetero situations. I have no clue as to how it goes for "men seeking men" because I don't personally know any gay guys who are open about their personal lives with everyone they know.


Sorry this isn't the best of news or suggestions, but it's always best to know the terrain ahead of time before the "hike".

MsBlack​(dom female) • Jan 25, 2023

First work on yourself, prepare yourself to serve. Improve your health, diet & exercise.
Educate yourself, work on improving your career. Learn, practice and understand gentleman skills. Practice neat and clean hygiene and attire, care about your appearance, including hair well groomed and trimmed or clean shaved.

Become an avid reader. Intellect matters.

If you don't take care of yourself and work on improving yourself, it won't matter if you do find a Domme/Dom.

If you already do these things, continue improving yourself.

First look locally online, in social settings.
Don't assume someone does or does not have interest in the lifestyle.

Make friends, feel people out.
Of course, you can look online on lifestyle sites.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 25, 2023

Big ditto to MissBonnie and Solace.

And, i'll throw some of my own thoughts into the discussion.

First off, i think thexephoes made a great start at answering his question by posing it in the first place (though his profile indicates he hasn't been here in 8 months, so i guess i am responding to the question more than him?).

We cannot see the invisible. If we are not willing to be vulnerable and put our self out there, we remain unseen, so how can we expect to attract someone who is interested in who/how we are if we are invisible?

Human connection is a two way street, yet i am continually amazed at the number of guys (hey, i'm gay, so it's guys i am looking at) who state in an ad or profile that they are looking for relationship, are emphatic about it even, and then say little to nothing else. Generic labels, even if they are kinks, are still generic. But people are not generic, they are individuals. We may belong to general groups, like "Domme, Dom, sub, Top, bottom etc., etc.,"
but most of us have personal, specific needs and desires that we are looking for in a mate.

To my way of thinking, that means if we are going to find that/those particular person/s we have to put our self out there. An empty profile online is invisibility. To me, a profile with just pics is only a step up, it's a picture book instead of an autobiography.

Okay, obviously it's probably not productive to write a whole book, and there are differing views with arguable pros and cons when it comes to quantity. But quality is never to abundant. A profile/ad that has key and detailed info, central to what you are looking for AND central to who/how you are. i think it helps to also state the same info about the person you are looking for, because it's not always obvious. E.g., i'm a "total bottom," but have learned to also communicate that means i'm looking for a "Total Top," not another bottom. i've encountered that what may seem obvious to me, isn't necessarily obvious to someone else who doesn't live in my head.

PLEASE, do not be one of those who thinks they are being open to say virtually nothing about their self, then put the onus on everyone else to "just ask." Same problem again, most of us don't go around asking questions of invisible people, gotta give us 'someone' to ask questions of, and mere presence with out some detail does not constitute much of a someone.

Another way to be visible and seen is to participate in discussions like this. The Cage can be a gold mine for that. It's a comparatively safe (safer?) place to say and be who you are, in a community created for people like us.

K y i v • Jan 25, 2023

The male sub is a special kind of desperate...

SubDraco​(sub male){Caged} • Jan 26, 2023

I don't think that's how that works....

I'mME • Jan 26, 2023

MsBlack,

Excellent advice.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Jan 26, 2023

On the cage there are less Dominant women because it's a fairly new site compared to Fetlife.

On Fetlife there are plenty of Dominant Woman focused groups that thrive, however the new guy seeking a fetish slot of kink has increased drastically over the last six months.

I am a Moderator of a few groups on Fetlife and group owner of a few groups and the unwanted pushy personal ad for a Mistress or Domme has increased. What I like is the new added feature there of pre mod of new discussions so no one sees them at all.

Talking to Dominant women friends who have left online forums though. They exodus because of the slot fetish dispenser seekers. You know the ones= their first message is what they want from you and when you decline because:

1)they are no where near you
2)they aren't compatible with what you seek

They have to be blocked 🚫 because they are so pushy and wear a yes filter.

Note a yes filter is no matter how many no's are sent, it arrives in his brain as YES.

I'mME • Jan 26, 2023

SubDraco,

Isn't that what I wrote?
,😂🤣😂🤣😂