SchrodingersDinosaur wrote:
Humiliation/ degradation has never really been a tremendous kink for me, giving or receiving (not shaming at all, just not really *my* thing) but TallSlenderGuy, that was a beautiful telling of your experience. Still not thinking it’s something that’s appealing for me, but I can understand a little better the appeal for others just based on the way you described it! Thank you for the share, and OP great forum topic!
Aw, thanks. It took me awhile to wrap my head around why humiliation/degradation (H&D) have a strong and erotic draw for me. Like so many things in life, i'm not sure one can ever know for certain all the reasons behind desire/need, but that doesn't keep us from trying to, eh?
i've come to believe that (for me, and maybe for others too) H&D is more a side effect than a primary desire/need? Idk why i connect to something like watersports (ws) as a vehicle? In Indian culture, it's not unusual for people to drink their own urine. Western culture seems to largely condition us to see urine as dirty, unsanitary. Voiding is something we learn to do in a special, private room behind closed doors.
my point is, there are all sorts of things that culture conditions us to perceive as "dirty, taboo, sick, etc.." Kinksters can come up with a long list of those things, ws is just one of many.
i think the feelings of H&D are (often) conditioned responses. i and another may, for whatever reason, have a proclivity for ws, and we have both grown up in and been culturally conditioned to see ws as "dirty, taboo, sick, etc.." Expressing and experiencing, sharing those desires, triggers conditioned responses like H&D (among others). If both have desire for 'ws' (or_______________), i think the more powerful things that are happening are mutual acceptance, desire and affirmation.
To me, part of the mind fuck of it is, when e.g. ws is a mutual desire, each is affirming the other's need/desire. We think (feel?) of H&D as the opposite of affirming the value of another. In context, a Dom/Top may have the desire to have a sub/bottom be Their urinal, and the sub/bottom may have the desire to be a Dom/Tops urinal (for plethora complex, individual reasons). If they manage to be open and vulnerable about their desires and end up connecting through their desires, i think each is affirming that need/desire in the other and validating them.
Sorry, i think this may be turning into a ramble, but for me it was an epiphany lol.