Clingy Subs

Sweet Escape and Twinkle Eyes, do you realize that you also have made some assumptions about my being judgy and negative with this question? You haven't asked ME what my thoughts were and the reason I posted it, you just decided that you could read my mind.

Here's the real reason I posted it: I am deathly afraid of a Dom coming to think that I am clingy and wanting to take up more of his time than he's capable of giving. Perhaps even kicking me to the curb.

Where's the balance? And yes a submissive must think of where the balance is, they can't simply dump everything on the Dominants shoulders and then sit back and relax from the stress of decision making for the rest of their lives. That would be irresponsible as a partner.

Some amount of dependency is expected of both roles, but when it goes beyond what either person is capable of handling, what can be done to correct it and get the relationship back on a healthy track?

Let's be honest, can we really ask another human being to be our ALL even if they want to? Our Dominants need time to themselves to think, decide what they want out of the relationship, evaluate life, plan ahead, work to keep food on the table/clothes on their backs/a roof over their heads. And a lot more. They even need time to chill and just focus on themselves for a bit. If a sub is so clingy that they cannot allow them the space they need to keep their perspective, what can the Dominant do to help them stay in balance and thus keep the relationship in balance?

I'm not casting blame in any person's direction, it was a simple question, and I'm looking for practical answers. I tried to keep it simple so as not to twist a Dominants mind into knots trying to answer it. And I wanted to give them the freedom to think of whatever scenario fit them. I figured there would be a broader range of answers that way.

We all neglect to ask for clarification before deciding that a person is positive or negative about a subject. This is where things start going awry around here. It might be nice if we found out first if what we're thinking about another is what that person is intending. There's no one here that's that perfect that we don't need to ask for clarification.

Generally, I like clinginess.

But from recent experience I realise that "clingy" covers a whole range of behaviour - and can end up as obsessive behaviour, beyond rationality.

At a certain level, it can also mean that the clingy person has no conception that that the Dom has a life too!
He will sometimes need to to do other things, or have a moment or two to himself.
If this happens, some clingers will get angry and say the Dom is horrible and "neglecting" her - even if the Dom's reply, or return phonecall, is only a few hours "late".

So, like many things, clingy is not a scientific definition that can be neatly tied down - and since advice that works for one individual may not work for another - those in the relationship will simply have to work it out for themselves.


(For me though, I prefer clingy to cool and distant!)

Defender,
I've seen relationships where the Dom promotes that clingy, they want the sub giving up that vulnerability, manipulation is a word that comes to mind, instead of letting it build naturally from both sides.

Thoughts?

D.

Sweet Escape and Twinkle Eyes, do you realize that you also have made some assumptions about my being judgy and negative with this question? You haven't asked ME what my thoughts were and the reason I posted it, you just decided that you could read my mind.

Here's the real reason I posted it: I am deathly afraid of a Dom coming to think that I am clingy and wanting to take up more of his time than he's capable of giving. Perhaps even kicking me to the curb.

Where's the balance? And yes a submissive must think of where the balance is, they can't simply dump everything on the Dominants shoulders and then sit back and relax from the stress of decision making for the rest of their lives. That would be irresponsible as a partner.

Some amount of dependency is expected of both roles, but when it goes beyond what either person is capable of handling, what can be done to correct it and get the relationship back on a healthy track?

Let's be honest, can we really ask another human being to be our ALL even if they want to? Our Dominants need time to themselves to think, decide what they want out of the relationship, evaluate life, plan ahead, work to keep food on the table/clothes on their backs/a roof over their heads. And a lot more. They even need time to chill and just focus on themselves for a bit. If a sub is so clingy that they cannot allow them the space they need to keep their perspective, what can the Dominant do to help them stay in balance and thus keep the relationship in balance?

I'm not casting blame in any person's direction, it was a simple question, and I'm looking for practical answers. I tried to keep it simple so as not to twist a Dominants mind into knots trying to answer it. And I wanted to give them the freedom to think of whatever scenario fit them. I figured there would be a broader range of answers that way.

We all neglect to ask for clarification before deciding that a person is positive or negative about a subject. This is where things start going awry around here. It might be nice if we found out first if what we're thinking about another is what that person is intending. There's no one here that's that perfect that we don't need to ask for clarification.

Throw her in the laundry with some fabric softener and Snuggle cling-free dryer sheets. There you go - "problem" solved.

Here's the real reason I posted it: I am deathly afraid of a Dom coming to think that I am clingy and wanting to take up more of his time than he's capable of giving. Perhaps even kicking me to the curb.

I personally feel there is a distinct difference between being clingy and being desired.

From experiences within my own dynamic. I have discovered that my clingyness was a root cause of my anxious attachment style. I was essentially "needing" for my Sir to quiet my fears, the sensations and emotions that were coming in my body. I struggled to know how to communicate what I was somatically experiencing. I didn't know how to express my emotions in a way that was not projecting my fears onto him and making him responsible for what I was feeling & experiencing. I was looking to him to structure me to death in an attempt to quiet my fears. None of which is his responsibility. My emotions, fears and somatic experiences are my responsibility to navigate.

What he has personally taught me is to release the shackles of codependency that had me believing that I "needed" him to quiet my trauma responses. Being in the presence of his calm and stable leadership helped me to learn how to take back what's mine. I've learned how to not look outside of myself to feel calm and at peace. He's helped me to learn how to find internal peace that comes from a place of interdependence.

Which for me is a matter of, I do not "need" him, but I do want/desire his leadership, protection, perspectives and love.

His way of leading is very unique to what he personally finds value in. He wants nothing more than for me and those around him to stop handing our power away to others. He's a BIG advocate of not fostering codependent behaviors. He knows that for him he does not desire or wish to manage and or maintain where another person finds themselves emotionally on their respective journey. He desires to cultivate peace by reminding them that their peace comes from within.

This has worked AMAZINGLY for me and US. 🙏💕

Each dynamic is so unique to the individuals involved and I am certain that our way is not the only way to navigate these types of experiences. I trust that others will discover what works for them, in their perfect timing along their journey. 😊