Submission: is it someone's choice or their nature?

Master W​(dom male)​{Busy} • Apr 4, 2025

Both. Let me give you a different example because we can play the definition game all day but at it's core this is an opinionated topic.

Imagine having a talent or a knack for something. Just because you may be naturally good at something or the idea of something comes "easy to you" does not necessarily mean you're going to choose to lean into it. You still have to make the decision to explore, develop, and define your specific place within that space.

Steellover​(sub male) • Apr 4, 2025

I think all of us are a product of how we are raised, and the experiences that have shaped us as we grow. I think both have come into play with me, and made me heavily lean submissive when it comes to romantic interactions. "Making the first move" has ALWAYS backfired for me, since day one, and I learned, through conditioning, that the best way to be a good, pleasing, and fulfilling partner would be to let the partner directly take the lead.

I've sometimes struggled a bit with more subtle communication, that is, the subtle signals that are not always direct verbal. I need to be TOLD what to do, when to do it- as opposed to just suggestive stares, looks, smiles, or body language that can easily be misinterpreted. If she wants me to lean over and kiss her, she needs to tell me so, otherwise I won't risk a slap in the face (or a drink being thrown in my face.) I think this has been a factor in shaping my submissive psyche as well.

This is merely about my submissive personality in relationships. I haven't gone into how kinks may have arisen because that's a whole other can of worms I don't feel like getting into right now.

New slut owner​(dom male) • May 2, 2025

As a dom, submission must be real, true and pure, otherwise of no use to me. If submission is put on, that will never work and would destroy the sub dom relationship I have with my slut. She is submissive and is turned on hugely by being dominated by me.
Being sexually submissive is her nature. If she was just playing along I doubt it would work at all.

PandaGirl​(sub female) • May 5, 2025

Good question and one I’m exploring writhing myself currently. I’ve been told by several people that I have submissive tendencies. I do not believe I’m a natural submissive. However there are people for whom and situations in which I submit naturally. Does that make sense?

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • May 5, 2025

Those that have earned it and your trust.

It makes sense indeed.

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • May 6, 2025

Submission is a choice, and having a submissive nature is a personality trait. They don't necessarily go hand in hand though. The best submissive's aren't necessarily submissive by nature. It simply depends on how strong the person chooses to submit. Most of the submissive's I've known who had a 'submissive nature' were that way as a survival mechanism. Their submission was mostly about handling trauma and surviving difficult situations, and they often came to resent more dominant personalities in their lives even if they asked for them to begin with.

Meanwhile, my mentor had 3 very strong willed women as his slaves, not a one of which was submissive by nature, and they'd all been in a happy M/s household for years together. So... ymmv.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • May 6, 2025

Yeah, are you saying a "submissive" isn't submissive with any person in any situation? Whether she's natural or not, her submission only responds to her love object?

Susie Q​{Daddy Ant} • May 6, 2025

Reading all the responses, I realize that there are a lot of reasons that COULD cause a person to have a submissive nature. However, I truly believe that you are born naturally dominant or naturally submissive. Nature vs nurture ….an age old discussion.
You can be trained to be a top or bottom. You are born dominant or submissive. I have an assertive, independent personality, I am not dominant. There are many sweet and soft dominants who will never be submissive.
Yes, the ACTS of submitting are a choice, as are the acts of dominating.

ABob​(dom male) • May 6, 2025

I suspect it's a personality trait. Possibly formed by specific sets of early experiences, but also just how one is. I think someone who really wants to can 'learn' to be a certain way, just for fun or for real though. Method acting often enough will instil certain traits. My experience has been that when someone tries to be submissive to please someone else, it doesn't quite come off, however hard they try. But then my experience is not universal.

Heart of Persephone​(sub female)​{owned} • Aug 15, 2025

I believe that it is my nature but is my choice to act on it, molding it to be a strength, not to have it be used against me. I was very meek, cowardly, silent, co-dependent, afraid to rock the boat. now is that submissive traits? I would say no, but my demeanor is submissive. I know now when to stand up and use my voice, to listen and understand what was said, to follow through with things. I think that it takes strength to be submissive just as it take strength to be a Dominant.

I want to mold my personality and become the submissive I see myself as; proud, strong, voiced, independent , wanting to give, to meet his needs with passion and vicious. Be able to hold my own when needed,

we define who we are, and how we become that person. I know I am submissive, and I love that about me.

sorry if I am rambling, just got off work and tired