SubtleHush(sub female)
|
5 years ago •
Dec 13, 2020
dollMaker{SaViDa}
'Two months of online does not make a relationship. It can feel like one but until you are in the day to day it's all fantasy and filler.' "For you that may be so, but for many two months online actually translates to more emotional intimacy, deep communication, and connection than many who live together will have in six months, even longer. " (Well Doll I guess I hit a nerve in whatever your situation currently is. If you need to see disrespect in my response, that is on you. None was intended nor implied. But by all means justify your position however you need to.) "Just because you don't understand, or it would not work for you does not mean you should use such disrespectful language, and for those of us who are in successful, fulfilling online relationships, " (I understand completely. I understand far better than you wish me to. Two months is two months and it is true in many situations I have been involved with or supported people through. Online has virtues but is not, and it will never be real time.) "what you said was very disrespectful to us and the OP."" (Us? Who is us? What army of new subs do you speak for? New women online often have the experience the OP had. It is far more important to me that she get a variety of information with which to grow than to be stroked and encouraged to believe that knowing a man for two months was as important to him as it was to her. Clearly she had doubts and clearly they were enough for him to walk.) (You? I owe you NO explanation at all.) (But I am curious why there is no age or location listed on your page? Care to share) |
|
|
Online now
dollMaker(dom male)
|
5 years ago •
Dec 13, 2020
► SubtleHush wrote: dollMaker{SaViDa}
'Two months of online does not make a relationship. It can feel like one but until you are in the day to day it's all fantasy and filler.' "For you that may be so, but for many two months online actually translates to more emotional intimacy, deep communication, and connection than many who live together will have in six months, even longer. " (Well Doll I guess I hit a nerve in whatever your situation currently is. If you need to see disrespect in my response, that is on you. None was intended nor implied. But by all means justify your position however you need to.) "Just because you don't understand, or it would not work for you does not mean you should use such disrespectful language, and for those of us who are in successful, fulfilling online relationships, " (I understand completely. I understand far better than you wish me to. Two months is two months and it is true in many situations I have been involved with or supported people through. Online has virtues but is not, and it will never be real time.) "what you said was very disrespectful to us and the OP."" (Us? Who is us? What army of new subs do you speak for? New women online often have the experience the OP had. It is far more important to me that she get a variety of information with which to grow than to be stroked and encouraged to believe that knowing a man for two months was as important to him as it was to her. Clearly she had doubts and clearly they were enough for him to walk.) (You? I owe you NO explanation at all.) (But I am curious why there is no age or location listed on your page? Care to share) Exactly the response I expected, more disrespect (online will never be real time) That says it all. Us was those of us who don't find online the way you do, including my own relationships, and respect others choices. And before you judge I am as active in the physical world as I am online, or at least I was in the physical world before Covid 19, so respect and hold value in both approaches/medium. To answer your question, which is none of your business by the way, the Cage is open to Google Bots and data scrapping, in fact Cage admin regularly link to blogs and forum threads via twitter, so I do not consider this a safe place to be open about my personal information, in my profile, or in blogs, or forum posts. Anyone with personal face photos up (google and the way back machine/and others now have that) in my view are taking risks with their life that is not worth it to satisfy the drive by curious, or those who demand such things before trust is earned. So my profile contains all the relevant info I am willing to hang out in public view. Want to know more get to know me, and over time I may let folks in. Of course I don't let everyone in, when they want me to, only when I decide its time. Privacy is surely a thing to be respected, even in as you call it 'real time' or I call the physical world. Privacy is sacred in the kink world, or should be and being careful with personal information, in particularly on a completely open site, is surely being wise. I open up to those I get involved with once I feel I can trust them, whether just a friend (same in physical world/saved myself grief there too) or a possible kink involvement. I used to trust far too quickly (what an idiot I was) in the past, and got seriously burned (an ex stalked me, harrased me and caused me major, embarrasing issues in my vanilla life) so my policy from that point forward is trust no one until I feel I can, and that takes time, being slow re this has saved me from a number of what would have been awful situations. You think that a location or age displayed on here, on any site, can't be a lie? Are you suggesting, hinting that it is some sort of useful proof re who someone might be? I hope not. Paper refuses nothing as some used to say and virtual paper even more so. Anyway I was responding to your disrespect of online not anything else. I generally find trying to engage with 'Gate Keepers' and the 'One Twue Way' brigade a waste of time and energy, your response certainly indicates that, so I won't be responding again. |
|
|
MsDove(sub female){Eternal Pi}
|
5 years ago •
Dec 13, 2020
It's all valuable
Hello folks,
No need to debate the virtues of anyones response to my post. I appreciate the support I am receiving. It is fantastic to hear a variety of opinions, the collective knowledge is truly helpful. Support, cautions, corrections all appreciated. Right now, the group is providing me much needed support AND education. I absolutely understand how I should have handled this differently. One note I would like reply to, the online background check I did was very different than you would do for a job or applying for a loan. Those DO require a signature because they are searching financial records. What I did was a public records search that is available for anyone online to do for themselves if you know how. The easiest, quickest way to do that is to drop $35 to a service. Brings up names, aliases, phone numbers, addresses, criminal records. All available publicly. We are all individuals. I appreciative of everyone's responses. |
|
|
alawey(sub female){(OWNED BY }
|
5 years ago •
Dec 13, 2020
@ SubtleHush I was just about to explain that anything that is public record can be got online for a small fee.. but she beat me to it. And as she stated no law broken. And just an FYI many ppl here and on other dating websites and when meeting places in real life do background checks.
And while I agree that 2 months with no foundation , is not actually a relationship. But two months while building that foundation matters just as much for some ppl . Foundation: building on trust, honesty, COMMUNICATION, FRIENDSHIP. all of which takes time. As far as the online thing I'm not getting to that pool of water . ( I am a person who couldn't never do it)I have said how I feel about it many times. |
|
|
|
SubtleHush(sub female)
|
5 years ago •
Dec 14, 2020
MsDove: "One note I would like reply to, the online background check I did was very different than you would do for a job or applying for a loan. Those DO require a signature because they are searching financial records. What I did was a public records search that is available for anyone online to do for themselves if you know how. The easiest, quickest way to do that is to drop $35 to a service. Brings up names, aliases, phone numbers, addresses, criminal records. All available publicly."
Ah good to hear. I have not found them helpful. Search yourself sometime and you will see if the site has any current info. Funny story... Years ago, I was about to meet this man I was talking to online. He was an attorney. So I googled him to see his website. No website. So when he called I told him I couldn't see his website and maybe we should slow down and delay the meeting. He got offended and defensive and in his haste he sent me the link to the page. I couldn't find it because it was under his wife's name. She was a divorce attorney and there they were on the landing page embracing. LOL Of course he told me he was single. I just shook my head. He is cheating on his wife a divorce attorney? You just can't make some things up. Trust your gut always. Even that gets better over time. H* |
|
|
OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours}
|
5 years ago •
Dec 15, 2020
This may just be me over simplifying things... but if I asked a serial killer if I could do a back ground check on them, they would say no... so I would instinctually think that I need to... doesn't that make asking or getting permission irrelevant? The only proper response to that would be "go ahead"
If you ask a cheater if they are cheating on you... do you expect them to say "Oh, yeah totally am... I was just waiting for you to ask" some words or questions are just useless being said out loud. It is your right to know. Saying you are not trusting, or not getting permission is just the life long guilt trip that con artists use to get you to play by their rules. Same as a "Dom" telling you not to get a second opinion, or seek advice, or counselling if you just need an internal question answered. personally, my answer would be "Tell me what you find!" lol. Who knows what dirt is out there on me from my rebellious pre-teens! Or my dopleganger... see what I just did there... even if I was a serial killer... I just created doubt in the results of a background check. ALWAYS STAY VIGILANT! ... or maybe I am just paranoid. |
|
|
| maywest |
5 years ago •
Dec 16, 2020
I know how badly this feels I am so sorry. It makes you feel so alone and lost. You will be okay though. And yes being careful is very important. Hang in there it will get better
|
|
|
Virginie(sub female){lcpw}
|
5 years ago •
Dec 30, 2020
► dollMaker wrote: In my view what you did re a check was fine, but you should have told him early on that if the dynamic was looking good, progressing that you would do a check. The fact you didnt do that, is I suspect why he ended it. Only he knows, but I suspect he feels he did not give consent to this, and therefore feels his consent was violated. I could be wrong about this, you need to ask him.
Doing a check, asking for references etc is good practice, but doing so needs to be done upfront and not done behind backs, also needs to be discussed early on, even offered by both parties re mutual checks right at the get go, after all crazy, dangerous subs are also a possible reality as well. Often new relationship energy can lead to blindness and not doing, or discussing whats required. You may be able to fix things, good luck. Do you feel the same about new involvements doing a background check of sorts by going to that persons exes? Asking questions about why the relationship failed? Feigning interest in the well-being of the person to pump them for more information on their intended new Dom? Does that constitute 'asking for references' i suppose is what i am asking. I think in that case the sub should tell the intended Dom she is about to do that kind of thing. Maybe she needs more information- something like- "too soon" feelings may still be raw nerves- here are some friends you can speak with. just me though. |
|
|
|
SubtleHush(sub female)
|
5 years ago •
Dec 31, 2020
MsDove so how are you doing now that some time has passed?
|
|
|
IowaDom(dom male)
|
5 years ago •
Dec 31, 2020
Checking into somebodys backround that you may be considering as a mate or partner is not only acceptable imho, but you would have had to been nuts not to. Too many people are out there stalking behind the keys, and you simply had your safety and well being at heart. And not to cast dispersions upon your Dom, but if HE had those same interests first and foremost at heart, it this would have been a non issue imho.
And keep in mind, when you are "free falling" - all we seem to be able to see is the ground rushing up to greet us in a not so nice manner, but the things you cannot see at this point, are all the hands of your fellow Cagers reaching out to support you and do all we can for you 
|
|
|