Intelligence in s types

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 5, 2021

All right, all right, I give up. Smarts counts a great deal for the majority in here. Personally if a dude can tie his own shoes I'm happy. When I'm getting boinked, I don't ask a lot of questions.

However, in keeping up with the masses, I have decided that if and when I can find someone who can definitively and officially explain to me precisely why the chicken crossed the road, I'd be in cerebral nirvana.

* * *

As for the remark from @defender... I have no issues with age or looks in general. If Snow Roof or Cue Ball can still pop a rod, I'm down.

Well... except .. I can't quite swing with "Cool Hand Luke". Cold hands kill the mood.

'nuff from me.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2021

I'm in agreement with Mika and Bunnie. Which is why I was stating specifics in my earlier post. Because it's about with what.

I also point out it's about EXPERIENCE. Any idiot can actually have an education. But they can fuck up in practice. The rookie does not become an elite by just studying. It has to be about first hand experience. In regards to the specific area that the logic is being applied too.



Hmm... I honestly find it hard to picture people being smarter then you. You're considerate, you state what, where and why. And you've never indicated that you assume the worst of speak for others.

So let's add a spin on things here. We've established that "Thinking about too much fluff" can slow things down. This is often because people worry and need assurance with answers. The key factor here is that assurance is important. But it doesn't have to be extremely wordy either. It can get wordy if overlooked however. Because lack of assurance can mean people have more concerns.

A scientist that's only ever in a lab making experiments might not put them into practice. Their brains might be too big in some ways. Even someone with an average job can suffer from "All work and no play". Leading to things like neglecting family. Basically, people can get stuck in ruts. Depression also a factor. etc. People make the mistake of getting stuck. Because they "feel" stuck. This is where we have to use our brains. Otherwise you let the negative feelings keep you down.

It can be easy to get stuck in a rut. Because all you do is think. Think think think. Used to seeing the worst. And this is why I stated in my earlier post that action matters. It's just as important as thinking. Perhaps even more so, because at least here we have proof in the moment. No fear. No hesitation. No doubt. Confidence in other words. And with this, certainty. This brings stability and leads to good things happening.

What might have started as a rut might now be a fun activity. Where you're playing together. People can worry beforehand before doing things (especially when it comes to sex), but the more we do, the more knowledge we actually have. Instead of what we THINK we have. You don't just "think it" here. You actually experience the situation first hand. And THEN you have an answer. Which is all likelihood may not be what you expected.

Which brings us to another factor here. With intelligence we have to consider expectations. And with this, assumptions. Let's say someone assumes they won't enjoy a situation. Very common for people to think this. It's also very common to find out you worried about nothing once you find out first hand after you made the effort.

It's not enough to just think you're smart. You have to be able to actually find out. I say the same for myself too.


Oh that's easy. To get to the other side. What we don't know is why it wants to get over there. You'd have to ask the chicken.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2021

Self preservation.
It’s a chicken.

Why the elephant crosses the road is a much more interesting question.

emmmllliiininenine​(sub female) • Apr 5, 2021

Dear L a r s (and mister a and people commenting i feel this may helps from a different perspective),
I would like to attempt to clear this up if it helps-
I feel the need to clarify (FOR ME) what it means to be sapiosexual. You say, “ Oh, your sexually atteacted to intelligence?” But thats not really what being sapiosexual is, in it’s entirety. Its like saying “oh your straight, your attractived to X” but everyone is attracted to certain characteristics or types but the main sexual attraction they feel is towards that gender and appearance (at first). So as a sapiosecual, i am attracted to intelligence first and foremost, and how their mind works is the biggest part of my sexual attraction, not appearance. I feel you have a very different idea of what it is, than what it means to me. I thought for a long time i was pansexual because i didn’t understand myself and I thought i was just attracted to personality but its not that. I am attracted to physical appearance, yes, but it doesnt play a role until i know someone’s mind. Just like a straight person would be attracted to ‘X’ based on appearance and intelligence would come after (i assume). For me i get turned on by purely conversation that makes them seem intelligent or the way they think attracts me(i would like to emphasize that bc i know plenty of people who are smart, and i dont like how they think, so they dont turn me on). I am also not JUST attracted to extremely smart people, though there is some level of intelligence that i work best with bc like u said ppl look for people similar in that way. To me, thats not what being sapiosexual is. It comes from what sexually attracts you. I am sexually attracted primarily based on intelligence/way of thinking, and people with a unique way of thinking especially. Anyone who says sapiosexuals ONLY have attraction based on intelligence is wrong (im not saying it’s impossible but if you think that, thats not true for us just fyi) bc we do experience physical attraction too, it just isnt the main drive. Just like a straight person’s main drive is physical appearance. And i do not know many people like me, but from online reading i found a very common correlation between sapiosexuals, and thats that we are sexually attracted to VERY few people in general. That’s because it takes a while to get to know someone’s mind, versus physical appearance is instant. And we honest to god cannot just get turned on by appearance alone. People tend to think that, but it just wont work (thats why from myself and online reading most sapiosexuals cant get turned on by porn). I can see someone who perfectly fits my “type” appearance wise, bc i do have a type, but if they do not seem intelligent they cant turn me on. You also say “The fact of the matter is, it's tough for folks with different levels of intelligence to get along.” This is very true, but NOT what being sapiosexual means at all. Like i said they can be intelligent and not sexually attract me. I get along perfectly fine with people significantly less intelligent than me tbh. In general people do like partners of similar intelligence level, just like physical appearance, but thats not how sapiosexuals feel at all. Our main drive in sexual attraction is about how they think and their intelligence, otherwise, we just dont get turned on. I hope this helps inform you from a different perspective on why we say sapiosexual, it really is about sexual attraction. Its not purely intelligence either, but without the intellect connection, the romantic connection just doesnt happen. It also makes finding a partner extremely difficult :/

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2021

I would agree with that explanation.

MountaintopMaster • Apr 6, 2021

I'll chime in and say that I'm slow as fuck to process things. Well, maybe not to process things, but to actually come up with a response to them. As someone with some sort of Asperger's and/or ADHD, my ability to communicate and respond rapidly is often hindered.

Knowing that this is plenty infuriating to a partner whose mind races AND who is prone to blurting out an instinctual reaction, I'll sound like I'm bragging by now saying that I believe there is plenty of knowledge/wisdom rattling around in my head. It's just the spitting it out part that doesn't come naturally.

I'm a switch, and although I do value my "intelligence" equally on both sides of the slash,, it is still really fun to just shut off your brain entirely during submission. The whole point of submitting, for me, is that I am done thinking and deciding and worrying about things for the day, I just want to shut off my brain and enjoy some pleasure, with a little pain thrown in.

As far as being dominant and considering or engaging with submissives is concerned, though, I will absolutely say that outside of the bedroom or an active scene, of course I find intelligence incredibly sexy. I do not want an unintelligent submissive. That will only lead to any number of huge risks, especially if they feel "older and wiser" much further down the road, and look back on their submission as being manipulated or even assaulted. So, indeed, you'd better be highly intelligent before I take you into the bedroom.

Plus, in daily life, I'd like to be able to have intelligent discussions in general!

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 6, 2021

None of that explanation of sapiosexual explains more than "open person who puts personality (including intelligence) above other factors.

That's part of my issue. "Sapiosexual" is, in the most generous understanding of it, BETTER summarized by saying "I am open and attracted to stimulating conversation." I would assume that's the category you fall into, because you have been quite fair, level-headed, and earnest throughout your response. Like you're legitimately and deeply interested in the exchange of information (and that boils over into your sexual attraction.)

The less generous way to look at it, and the one I see more, is people looking to hide behind kink as a shield while they look down on other folks. Taking plain old snobbery and trying to fancy it up like it's some complex sexual construct.

But it's not in those cases. They just arbitrarily decided that some folks are too disgusting for their sensibilities.

But, I am ranting. I have absolutely no problem with highly open people seeking compatible partners who can stimulate them with a good conversation, or in some other way. Heck, I am here looking for a compatible gal who wants to get tied up a lot. That is, objectively, more strange.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 6, 2021

If they're (or you're) so smart then why are you put off with what they think?

Either they're thinking something that isn't true, you fear the worst of it, or you're both seeing two side of the same story and may not understand the other side. eg: It could be a misunderstanding. In my experience this is often the case. Keep in mind I'm talking specifically in regards to situations where people don't like how each other thinks.

Been dealing with a bit of that myself. But in reality it's just a misunderstanding. What's "disturbing" to you might in reality have an appeal if you found out more. reverse logic can also apply. It's most likely going to be both depending on the context in regards to the situation.

I also point out that even if I don't agree with someones methods I wouldn't avoid them and would look past whatever the situation is and focus on what else is attractive. Look past the bad logic. What people at first don't tolerate can also end up being enjoyed once explored/understood more.

There's also stories about how people oppose each other because they believe differently for the reasons of their very existence. Suffice to say this often leads to conflict. But even through that people can still find the common ground. Chances are you're both wrong in some ways. Even if you are right in others.


Not if it's heading to KFC. Funny story. Once saw a chicken walk back over to the fast food place. Not even kidding. It doesn't know it's going to get slaughtered of course. But it doesn't know that.

Other reasons could as easily be "bird seed" or "It has chicken mates over there". There can be various reasons.

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Apr 6, 2021

"If they're (or you're) so smart then why are you put off with what they think? "

It's definitely possible to be simultaneously smart and... tactless/closeminded/selfish/sexist/overzealous/condescending/etc., intelligence isn't a metric for quality at any level. Being well spoken/a conversationalist, logical, sharp, bla bla can all be learned or developed in a reasonable environment.

I'm not personally a fan of sapiosexuality because it's a bit of a double-edged sword - if you're willingly turning down people because you perceive them to be less intelligent than you (within reasonable bounds, I don't expect people to go out with someone who push the pull doors), I think that's a dick move and is fairly arrogant, depending on how big they think that gap is. For the people who are sane about it and just want to bring to the forefront that they are looking for a person who's got their head on straight, it hurts to see them lumped in with the former individuals, distribution of the two groups irrelevant. Not like dimwits think they're dimwits, they're gonna go right through the "sapiosexual" tagline in your profile anyways... It's whatever though, I'm not the profile police. I just tend to skip the people who mention it because I don't feel like being assessed on my "intellectual repertoire".

emmmllliiininenine​(sub female) • Apr 6, 2021

Its not really “willingly” turning them down, it’s a sexuality. So im either sexually attracted to them or im not. I dont get to choose that. As for lars comment, the whole point is that its sexual attraction. Im not CHOOSING to be attracted to intelligence. Its not like you mention a personality trait type of situation because it drives my sexual attraction in the same way appearance does, but not based on something like how kind someone is or if we have similar interests. Thats the big difference is it literally drives my sexual attraction very strongly (i dont just look at someone and find them attractive and get turned on, i have to know their mind, even though i do have physical attraction too). I cant feel the sexual attraction and get turned on, that isnt a choice and “sapiosexuals” are not looking down on people at all. Im simply saying we are attracted to intelligence/ ways of thinking. To clarify (since this was mentioned) for me that means i am attracted to people who’s mind’s are very stategic, goal oriented, , are artistic/creative, and problem solvers (in general those thinking traits attracted me and turn me on) and its not just conversation either, thats just me explaining thats how you find out someone’s personality. This needs to be further explained. So when i get to know them and i find their intelligent/ i like how they think, then the physical attraction is a million times stronger (regardless of how they look) simply bc they turn me on mentally. Its not just like they say some intelligent shit and im wet. Not how that works, but I understand it seems complicated to yall, and thats why i am trying to explain my feelings about it. Also intelligence is based on the person and how you seen to them, so sapiosexuals may go for someone who is not smart in societies eye, but smart to them. The main point that seems to be missed, is that sapiosexuals are SEXUALLY attracted (not just attracted to those traits but being turned on sexually by) to the mind, in the same way someone else is attracted by physical attributes. This is why it takes a while for us to be able to get turned on sexually by a person (but once its there its strong) and why we like so few people. Its NOT just us choosing to go for intelligent people (and like i said its not just about how “smart” they are at all). Its that we find our sexuality is rooted in getting turned on by intelligence/the mind.