Fyglia Wicked(dom female)
|
4 years ago •
Aug 20, 2020
"who is not self sustaining, to be relationship ready. "
You say this about finances but you were gay and married a women Maybe she felt used by being a beard for decades. |
|
|
Online now
tallslenderguy(other male)
|
4 years ago •
Aug 20, 2020
"who is not self sustaining, to be relationship ready. "
You say this about finances but you were gay and married a women Maybe she felt used by being a beard for decades. While this has nothing to do with the subject, it was not the case. We were both religious and neither of us believed there was such a thing as being gay. That's a really rotten and presumptuous thing to say to someone you know little to nothing about . She knew i was 'gay' before marrying me, and still chose to marry me. Neither of us knew what that meant, or even used the word "gay," in religious speak i "had same sex attraction" and was broken. |
|
|
Hisproclivity(sub female)
|
4 years ago •
Aug 20, 2020
Taramafor wrote: People like to pretend they're "self sufficient" just because they have a job.
... Then they end up not being able to handle so many other things because they never looked past that. Life tossed me lemons. Ended up helping people. Those in denial. Some were suicidal. Just listening and talking about shit. Knowing what common mistakes to never make that so many "self sufficient" people do. It's such little seemingly simple things. And yet so many employed people make mistakes that can be easily avoided. First it harms others but in the end you look at yourself. Here's the truth. If you can't help others and go "It's not my job" (which a lot of people do with matters beyond jobs) then I say it's life. By this I mean you can leave the job behind when you head home. Whatever "job" might mean, depending on who you ask. But you can't ever leave behind yourself. You bring your personal life WITH you when you go to a job. You might try to hide it and brush it under the rug, but people find out eventually. The irony is if you can handle it maybe THEY can't. Despite the fact they been in work longer and pretend to know more while being judgemental. Ok, can someone please tell me why someone "self sufficient" is acting like that when someone that's piss poor without work has never decided for others or looked down on anyone? Don't care if you're working or not. The fact of the matter is this. Are you a "better person" before trying to claim the moral high ground? Or do you break down and cave in and have trust issues and act like others are to blame when you claim no responsibility? In my experience and observations, you get a mixed bag in either area. Maybe you can stop someone "taking advantage" (which, to be blunt, is your trust issues) but you're not stopping that happening in other areas. What it boils down too is 1: Getting over the fear of mistrust (this includes your own fear of coming across as someone that takes advantage) and 2: Making sure the other person has a good head on their shoulders in events that really matter. Like "are they careless" and "Do they let mistakes happen". Perhaps the biggest mistake when it comes to work is people that work too much. Imagine someone being awake for thirty six hours. Because when you work that much you want what happiness you can get in life when you're not on the clock. Meanwhile it's been proven that family ran business have much less stress and run smoother. People that are closer get better results. Probably because people aren't fearing for their job and feel "forced" too. You can also take things more easy in this kind of environment. There's a good reason people that have courses for coding have computer games and drinks in the location. Relaxing in and of itself is a very important part of reducing stress and feeling drained. This in turn gets better results. Provided someone doesn't get "too" lazy. Some people know how to find a balance. Some don't. Likewise some people mistrust easily and become too strict. Not trusting those under them to get better results if they went at their own pace. Did the work THEIR way, even it seems otherwise. The standard working environment can be one full of fear and mistrust. You're forced to be "self" sufficient because when push comes to shove, can you rely on them? Really? Why do you assume people don't like working? Also if you don't provide income how does one pay bills? Self sufficient means you count on one person, yourself, to provide. Whether that be problem solving, making a paycheck, being a parent, etc. Maybe I am weird, but I love working. I did the stay at home thing and lost my mind. I now work a semi important job at 50-60hrs a week and love life. I don't clean..I have a maid. I don't grocery shop I get them delivered. And due to my job and working...i am a better sub. Just because working in your mind is a hindrance doesn't mean its a) not needed and b) not enjoyable. |
|
|
My Dear{Trust}
|
4 years ago •
Aug 20, 2020
I've filled both roles at different times in my life.
When my kiddos were young I especially loved being both a home maker and a stay at home mom. My the hub, their dad worked and earned the money. I cooked, cleaned, ran the errands, did the shopping, paid the bills, scheduled our calendars and insured appointments, activities, and other 'dates' were kept. I took care of our children, assisted at their schools, helped with their home work as needed, drove them to and from school, managed Dr appointments, etc. I had friends who were stay at home parents who used the kids or whatever as an excuse. I did not. The end result was that at the end of his day he came home to a clean, quiet, restful home... while I still had 3 or 4 hours of work to go. Since my eons ago divorce, I have worked in positions that required 60 and 70 hours per week or more while my partner worked the usual 40 or less. Again, at the end if my day I would still have 3 to 4 hours of work to go: dinner, dishes, wash, straightening the house, etc. My point, I think the money is less important than the effort. If one party makes enough to financially support both and the other enjoys domestically supporting both, then both are better for it. If both work inside and outside of the home and both show appreciation for the efforts and consideration of the other, tgen both are better for it. If either party makes a habit of taking advantage of the efforts of the other, fomesyically, financially, emotionally, sexually, or any other-ly... then both parties are harmed, are damaged, and are made less. What it all boils down to, imho, is creating a happy, wholesome, healthy environment for both/all parties involved...no matter what shape or form that relationship assumes. |
|
|
RedKat{Not now }
|
4 years ago •
Aug 21, 2020
Oh hell no...
|
|
|
ElizaEmma(sub female){NotLooking}
|
4 years ago •
Oct 5, 2020
Taramafor wrote: Quote: Personally (i.e., i don't consider my "personal" disposition to be universal), i don't consider anyone who cannot support their self, who is not self sustaining, to be relationship ready
And what if the ONLY way to focus on the relationship is to be supported financially? Let's face it. Work can drain you. Zap you. First it's "ideas". But then it's "awareness". Suddenly mental health can get threatened. Because you can't even think anymore and get so little time to be happy. Maybe it's the jobs that should change and not the person. There's also only so many jobs. And there will always be more people then jobs. That's another factor. Work shouldn't be "made up" for the sake of it. People have to feel like they're doing something worthwhile. Or their own sense of self worth may well suffer. If you're ALREADY working and the other person provides sufficient entertainment value (or/and provides other benefits. Like improving you as a person for example) then you're probably going to be more inclined to invest in that. The person could be "needy" but perhaps they "need little" financially. Not everyone needs to get fancy things. To the OP, I absolutely would not be interested in anyone, be it a vanilla or D/s relationship, who is not self-sufficient. A relationship is not the be all end all part of my life, I need outside stimuli, and have no respect if someone requires financial support in order to focus on a relationship. In my situation, work does not zap and drain me. I actually like my work, for the most part anyway. It keeps my mind active, challenges me to learn, and throws in an occasional adrenaline rush. There is also the ugly part of reality. What if you break up or your partner drops dead? Are you going to apply for work, with the only experience on your CV as "pet par excellence"? Or would you jump into a not quite ideal relationship so that you could be supported? |
|
|
SAXMANIAC(sub female)
|
4 years ago •
Oct 5, 2020
The original post got me kinda heated so I feel like I needed to respond. Then I realized this isn't a recent post. But I needed to respond anyway, so if this has already been addressed, forgive me.
If there is one thing I've learned on this site it's that not everything is for every body. My Dom and I have been through some ups and downs and have spent long periods of time apart. During those times I was essentially a single mother. The jury may still be out on how well I did in that role as I am HORRIBLE when it comes to finances and my Dom has had to bail me out on more than a few occasions. Now our kids are grown. I've spent so much time being the one in charge and having all the responsibility and taking care of everything and everyone and dammit I'm tired. And I have a Dom who makes significantly more than me and is far better at managing money and who wants me to be kept and I sure as hell am not going to fight him on it, although I did for quite a while. I was laid off from my job due to COVID and although I was lucky enough to be hired back it was only part-time so NO, I am not financially self sufficient at this time. And if things go the way we want them to, I will never need to be again. So in spite of my current pathetic financial situation, I assure you, dear sir, I am indeed ready for a relationship. And if my Dom feels used, I also assure you, he will most definitely let me know. And I am more than sure that if we would have had this D/s dynamic at the beginning of our relationship, we wouldn't have had the problems we had over the years. Many of us had parents that survived the breadwinner/homemaker dynamic...mine included. They had a contract between them just like with any other relationship..."I will take care of A, B and C, and you will take care of X, Y, and Z" and for many of them it WORKED! So I would never presume that someone isn't ready for a relationship if they are not financially independent. |
|
|
| The Thinker(sadist male){NotLooking} |
4 years ago •
Oct 5, 2020
Personally, I love to fully financially support the other party. You may even call it a kink for me.
|
|
|
Taramafor(sub male)
|
4 years ago •
Oct 5, 2020
Quote: Why do you assume people don't like working?
Because it's not an assumption. It's a fact. Some people will like working, many won't. That is a fact. Not an assumption. If you have to ask this question you're clearly overlooking that simple fact. Or otherwise know the answer and don't want to say it yourself (likely out of being judgemental/disapproving of those not wanting to work?) There's also the fact that a working environment can be stressful and depressing. Depends on the job and company/environment at the location. Then there's doing the RIGHT job. Some people enjoy job A, some job Y. Others need to have a completely different environment then "standard job here" to be happy/fulfilled while working. And perhaps most importantly, it can be impossible to be your real self at a job. Some people may feel forced to hide for fear out of being shamed/looked down on. etc. Additionally, what isn't being considered in this thread is how people can gain an income with NONE (official) jobs. Providing entertainment in ones own time with donation funding can be effective if targeting a niece audience. At the same time you have to treat it "like a job". Only it's less "enforced" and you can do things more in your own time. The lack of pressure can lead to good results. |
|
|
|
Bunnie
|
4 years ago •
Oct 5, 2020
“This topic is touched on often, but haven't seen a post strictly dedicated to one person bing the sole financial support in a relationship, and i am interested to read peoples views on this.”
This is an unusual one for me. It’s unlikely I will ever be in a position to be a sole financial breadwinner, and although I personally don’t particularly care if I work or not, what I do have is a special set of skills... (lol, sorry, couldn’t help it). For as long as I can remember, I have had a fascination with self-sufficiency, and have chosen lifestyle over money, ... not the “living like a feral” type lifestyle, but more of just a practical hands-on type lifestyle. Before living where I am now, I lived in a very isolated town, in a state that wasn’t very highly populated, and was an island... so self-sufficiency was simply a part of life. My ex-husband and I lived in a place that was further secluded from our town, so we worked towards being as self-sufficient as we could be, which involved growing our own food, catching fish (we lived on the beach and had a boat), trading with friends who were farmers for other meat, fixing and building things ourselves etc etc. We chopped and changed between us in being the income earners, sometimes one or the other or both, however, it didn’t much matter, as that wasn’t a primary focus for us. We had a lifestyle we worked hard for, but absolutely loved... and that has given me a confidence in my abilities to not just live anywhere, but to make a home and thrive. Put simply, I am a hands-on person, and always have been. Financial stability is great... I am a fan of money... it’s necessary, and definitely makes life easier... however, for me it’s not the be-all and end-all. Everything costs time. To me it’s simply about determining how we want to invest our time. I think that is determined by what lifestyle we want. Do we invest time in making money so we can buy it? Or do we invest our time in building it ourselves? Either way, as long as who I’m with, and myself, are happy with what we’re doing in life, that’s all I need. |
|
|